ASD and Habits

 Just a short one today on habits, losing habits, and ND living.

I've recently been talking to a counsellor who specialises in working with those with neurodivergences, like me. One thing she has drawn my attention to recently is the fact that many neurodivergent brains struggle to/cannot form habits. We can form repetitions which can appear to others on the outside AS habits, but they are different from neurotypical habits. If we get knocked out of our habits, then we have to consciously begin again at the start in forming them - apparently neurotypicals can just "pick up where they left off". That floored me, and has helped in readdressing how I feel about myself.

I'll put up something longer another day on routines vs habits, but the short which is relevant here is that when I lost a "habit" due to my routine altering, I felt bad. Not bad, stupid, idiotic, incompetent... and more importantly, I didn't have the available brain cycles to re-add the lost habit. Whatever external (or internal) thing happened which caused me to "lose" the habit, was also often impeding my ability to re-establish non-vital things into me new routine. And I feel useless about that. I can be so accommodating with others when "life gets in the way", but not with myself.

Writing on here got lost in that. I tried to force myself into a habit of writing at least once a month Or Else (internal pressure here!). What happened was that I felt trapped, and then when changes due to (I think) going on holiday got in the way, I just felt so incompetent that I made it into a self-fulfilling prophecy - "I'm too incompetent to do this thing regularly - see!". So, what has changed? Not a lot, if I'm honest. Do I think I'll manage to update regularly from now on? Maaaaaaaaybe, but probably not! What has changed is that if I write something here, it's a Good Thing. If I don't, then it's NOT a Bad Thing, it's just A Thing. Will I feel guilty? Gods yes, I don't think I can retrain my brain that much just yet!!

So where now? I'm going to draft up a couple of things that are in my brain, and then we shall see. Maybe more in the way of general life updates. Maybe more ASD/ND stuff that's been percolating around for a while. Maybe more costuming stuff as and when - possibly less of that because I really don't have any self-confidence around this area still so sharing stuff feels far more raw and exposing, plus the group I was associated with I currently feel as welcome as a fart in a lift (which might be just me overthinking, but I need(ed) space to process). Hmm, that might also be something I write - "On Processing". I am fairly sure I'm talking into the void on here, but if so, I might also put some more professional-related stuff on too. I have an idea gestating about alt-ac, and how to NOT approach libraries as an alt-ac profession...

In the event that the void wants to read any of those, or even something related I've not suggested, do say as I can think on that too...

Current in-draft-unwritten-thoughts:

• Faith and ASD - my perspective
• Current costuming project (a rant one will probably be a quickie upcoming), probably with some ND related content
• My habits and routines - where they are fixed, and where I currently have found workarounds
• Reflective writing and ASD - what I find hard about this
• Counselling - what I've learned
• How Not to Alt-Ac
• Differences (for me) between professional conferences and academic ones
• How having an ND boss has caused me to rethink things about professional-me
• General life babble - I may try to make that a monthly thing, with "proper" posts written more ad-hoc.
• Things I've Read Recently - more of a "here's a link" thing than book/article reviews
• Article reviews - to help with Reflective Writing issues, then summaries of articles every once in a while might be good for me.

Of all the above, I don't plan for any to be regular or soon, except possibly the life babble. Maybe doing that "light" writing will help me write one or more "proper" posts too? Who knows!

Getting sidetracked. And managing being sidetracked.

 While I don't have ADHD (to my knowledge!) my ASD symptoms overlap to some extent. One big area of dysfunction for me is what is known in my house as the "Oooh shinies" - or "squirrelling" or "butterflies"... Basically it's when I'm happily involved in one project or concept, and stumble across something else, and now need to research the hell out of it. 

I've recently noticed how it affect craft projects too. At first, it wasn't a major problem - researching cloth, colours (hello recent post on Clarence Blue!), or fabric weaves wasn't too far from my existing point of research. I've been stressing at work this week, which has triggered hypersomnia for me (not unusual), so I've been mostly a semi-zombie from mid afternoon for the last week or so. I spent yesterday evening vaguely moving crafty ideas around on Trello to create a list of a) what I own, and b) a plan for making it (whether that be 2 years hence or whatever). The trigger for that was that the other week Black Snail had a sale on some of their PDF patterns, so I bought a bunch, including two full sets of patterns to make for my husband (when I've never made men's clothes before, so guess I'm learning that!). 

I bought three intentional patterns, plus some others because they were on offer (foolish, but at least PDFs don't take up space or get damaged!):

1. Spencer/Redingote

2. Regency/1830s bonnet.

3. Corset, petticoat and chemise pattern (1830s, but the corset still has the line for the 1818 dress, and this is a corded one which I was particularly interested in trying).

4. Jacket, trousers, and waistcoat patterns for c1890s

5. Jacket, trousers, and waistcoat patterns for c1830s

6. Fan-skirt (1890s)

7. Edwardian blouse

I also received my Laughing Moon dress pattern for the Regency dress. So, way forward is obvious, no? Here was my plan:

1. Mock up corset and adjust for sizing - use medieval shift for underneath for fitting
   Adjust, rinse, repeat.
2. Mock up dress with basic corseting for sizing
   Adjust etc.
3. Make a petticoat using dress pattern to follow the same shape.
   Consider cording bottom inch of hem per Black Snail pattern
4. Make corset properly in decent fabric
5. Make dress properly in decent fabric
6. Evaluate time to event
   If time:
7. Make bonnet
8. Mock up spencer
9. Make spencer
   If insufficient time:
10. Buy a large appropriate shawl
11. Buy a bonnet or other head covering

I started looking at each pattern to figure out the yardage, and found myself adding in the Fan-skirt, and then the Edwardian blouse patterns to my mental pile as well.

It now looks like I have found the fabric for making the fan-skirt before I've even started looking for the corset fabric. Argh! 

Having sat down and evaluated, though, I'm more comfortable now with starting with the skirt. It's been a while since I last did a proper sewing project - possibly even a decade now. The fan-skirt pattern is relatively straight forward, only really fits at one point on my body (waist), and is mostly formed of long straight seams. I think that starting with that pattern might actually be wise, because it will get me back into the swing of things - especially if I machine sew the long seams as it's even longer since I last used a machine to sew! Completing something will also give me a boost to work on the longer drag of the complicated corset mock ups, which will be hard and also almost completely new skills for me.

I also want to make the blouse, but that's possibly less urgent (I'll need to have a look at what I own that I can wear with the skirt once it's made). 

My NEW plan is:

1. September into October
   Fan-skirt from a wool blend
   If I like it, and it's not too complex, I'd like to make another in pure wool.
2. October
   Mock up corset
3. October into November (as time off from Regency projects)
   Mock up blouse and then make properly
4. November
   Mock up dress
5. December 
   Finalise corset
6. January
   Final dress
7. February
   Petticoat
8. March
   Chemise

Assuming that I can make one item a month, then I will have time to make make a bonnet - it does looks fun! And even possibly have time to make a spencer or redingote. 

Why that order?
Well the chemise is a) easiest to buy, and b) I can use an old medieval one for the purpose of fittings, so that goes at the bottom of the list. The petticoat can potentially be skipped, although the silhouette will be better with it, so that is next least important. The big change is my decision to weave the non-Regency items in amongst the Regency ones to give myself a break from the project. This is what brings me back to the ADHD comment. The ADHD community is really open about project and self-management, and in acknowledging the perennial problems of accidental distraction. I will write (one day?) about the (complementary) differences in self-help between the two communities. Anyway, one of the suggestions for managing distraction is to acknowledge it, and to actively manage it but NOT suppress it. What does that mean here? Well, basically, I acknowledge that I'm feeling the lure of another project, and I can permit myself add it to my list of things I'm making, but not both the later pieces. Secondly, I acknowledge that I'm likely to start getting distracted during the more complicated parts of my Regency project which means I need to consider two things: Breaking the project into completable chunks, and Building in distraction. Building in distraction for me, means factoring in some different or simpler tasks to weave in around those complicated overwhelming ones. Those tasks can give me the completion buzz to help continue with the main tasks. It's something I've been doing in my career for a while, and I need to bring it into my personal life too. 

And now I need to make do the Tesco order I've been forgetting to do all week. And set a reminder to collect my pills from the pharmacy tomorrow. Reminders - I need them!!

Oh, and finally, yes, this post is indeed a sidetrack in itself - I was actually writing a completely different post. Hey ho...

Self-help and the Neurodiverse communities - My experience

 This is a post I started writing in September 2020. Lets see how long it takes me to actually finish it! Hopefully less time than the one on Executive Dysfunction...

[Edit: It's October 2022 and I'm just going to publish this as it, chaos and all. It's hard to post later things that refer back to something that was Never Actually Published! I'm adding ends to some sentences, but I will write and schedule another post building on this later today rather than continually failing to release this one... I've back-dated the posting date.]

So, the ADHD and ASD communities have a lot of overlap, both in regards to the members of the community, and in the symptoms which each disorder has as symptomatic. They are still considered (as of DSM-V) to be separate conditions, but diagnosing one can sometimes mean actively seeking to rule out the other. All that said, the two communities support their tribes in different ways, but they're complementary not contradictory. As I age, I am finding that I benefit from dipping into each community for advice or support with different deficits, and that each community can be better at assisting with different kinds of issues.

So where do I go for what assistance types?

ADHD Community

The ADHD community is used to being vilified as "can't complete", always seeking the new thrill, and as being utterly disorganised. At extremes they're seen as incompetent and unable to successfully finish anything. Harmful stereotypes, which the community is there to support their fellows in finding ways through the disconnects. 

I turn to the ADHD community when I need help managing my executive dysfunction, my squirrelly brain, or just for managing feelings of uselessness.

Cartoonists like Dani Donovan (ADHDDD) and Pina (ADHD Alien) help me in two ways:

1. Identifying a trait that I have that I didn't know I was struggling with

2. Providing a space for discussion (e.g. on Twitter) about management of that specific trait in the cartoon

These two artists, in particular, have really helped me understand myself and my own struggles with life. Understanding is one major (and vital) step towards managing something. I can't manage what I don't know or understand.

I also have found a lot of being seen and support through the How to ADHD channel on YouTube.

ASD Community

The ASD community often focuses more on interpersonal communication. How to do it, how to fake it, whether it's worth faking it. Dealing with "masks" is another common topic of conversation within autism-related communities. Unlike the ADHD guys, we were seen as the bright ones who were a bit weird, as opposed to being the lazy one who "would do so well if we just applied ourselves"... This leads to different areas of low confidence. Interestingly, I feel far more confident in giving out advice on the ASD side, than within the ADHD groups - is this just because I have an ASD diagnosis? No idea!

Who Am I? Where Do I Want to Be?

Two hard questions to answer, but ones which I need to face up to and then answer.

Who Am I?

So, who am I? 

On the surface, this is an easy question to answer - I'm me, I'm >>name<<, and so on. 

Or do I define myself by others - I'm the spouse of, the child of, the parent of, the sibling of someone...?

Or perhaps by what I do professionally. I'm a librarian, I'm a researcher, I'm a medievalist

Or by personal traits? I am a nerd, I am intense, I am focused, I am frustrating, I'm INTP

Or by ability/disability? I am autistic, I am arthritic, I am neurodivergent, I am disabled, I am dyslexic, I am a person with executive dysfunction, I'm someone with allergies/intolerances

Or by leisure activities? I am a reader, I am a music lover, I am a violist, I am a crafter, I am a sewer, I am a re-enactor, I'm a baker, I'm a cook, I'm a musician

Or by labels others have given, foisted on, or granted to me? Annoyance, Nuissance, Scarily organised (hah!), Weirdo, Wench, 

Or? You see, who am I is a lot more of a question than people think it is. And some of those things may also be hard to accept - for example, I am quite happy to say I have disabilities, but I feel very uncomfortable saying "I am disabled". Why are these two things different? What about things I love, used to do, and which I would like to do again, but yet currently don't do now. Am I still able to use those to define me?

So, given the above, why have I been spending so much time considering this whole anal naval gazing process? Put simply, because I'm a mimic, and with that I've realised I'm losing myself.

Mimicry

So what does mimicry mean in this context? Mimicry is an aspect, for me, of ASD. It means that I reflect other people's interests and ambitions, and can end up confusing their interests and desires with my own. It isn't intentional, but the more I've become aware of it, the more frustrating it's become for me. I've been using the COVID shutdown, and my own shut-in, to try to "bring myself together". One aspect of that is to force myself to figure out what I'm interested in because I love it, and what I'm into solely because someone else is (or was!). The posts I am planning on writing and releasing over the next few weeks, months, and possibly longer, are designed to focus on each of these things and to help me analyse what is ME in my likes and loves, and what should possibly be viewed more as an appreciation of another's love. 

Hopefully this will help my mental health a lot by enabling me to focus on suceeding on the ME things, and to gently put the "that's cool and interesting" things into a box in my head which is just enjoyment. I am now in my 40s, and we don't get to re-run this simulation - this life is what we get. I want to ensure that I make the most of what time I have by narrowing the focus for my skitterish brain.

Where Do I Want to Be?

As part of figuring all this out, I need to work out what are my personal ambitions. Destination is also an important part of self-definition. We can't be at a destination before we know how to get there, or even if it is possible to get there. Or do we even have a destination worked out? I want to go on holiday "abroad" compared to "I want to go to Europe" (better), "I want to go to France" (better again), or "I want to go to Toulouse"... 

We need two main things: A clear destination, and an idea of what route we would need to get there. 

To return to my holiday example: I can walk to Toulouse, or drive, go by train, or fly. Walking is impractical because of time - I wouldn't be there before I'd need to come home! Driving is a good idea, but I can't drive. I could fly, but I dislike the carbon emissions from flying, so I'd rather not, which leaves the train. OK. 

New Considerations: 

How much is a train ticket; 

Can I afford it or do I need save up; 

How long will it take to get there; 

Do I need to plan food; 

Can I carry what I need on public transport; 

What about changing / connecting trains; 

Crossing Paris or London with luggage

And all that is before one considers accommodation, booking train tickets, and what dates you are going to go! Let alone what to do when there, spending money, and so on...

So a more practical life example:

If I want to be able to consider myself a musician, then I need to... play my instrument. I need to practice, regularly. I need to consider whether I want to join a group, a symphonia, or an orchestra. Sometimes those goals need financial input, or time input to be achievable. So, using the above: 

My destination is to play in an amateur orchestra.

1. I need an instrument - this might involve researching costs, value for money, and saving up. What practice can I do before I get an instrument? Are there hire-purchase schemes through local shops, could I get a cheap-and-nasty while I save up? Perhaps I can work on bow posture, or sight reading, while I save.
2. I need to practice. Regularly. This will have to become a habit. I can't just play pretty tunes, I need to do theory, and scales, and other boring stuff too.
3. I need to put myself out there. Perhaps find a teacher
4. I then need to start looking for groups I can join. They won't come to me, I need to go find them, and ask to join. And then go!

Life is full of sequences like this. I can also look at those steps and say, actually, I just like playing tunes at home, and I have an instrument already. So I need to just play occasionally for fun or relaxation, and that's fine. Perhaps while I'd love to join an orchestra, I can't commit the time, or I can't physically undertake that amount of playing every week. That's OK. I can do as much as I want, how I want instead. And yes, I can still call myself a musician if I want!

Sometimes this process will be painful. Painful? Yes, because sometimes our self image isn't realistic and we discover we're not who we thought we were. Our self-definitions were inaccurate. And sometimes they're painful because we realise we can't do what we want, how we want, because of life limitations. I might want to up sticks and move to another country, but I won't get a visa, I don't have a desired occupation, or I have a partner who doesn't have the same dream. Sometimes compromise is necessary, but part of this process for me is going to be analysing where I'm open to compromise, and where I'm not. 

Returning once again to my holiday example:

I want to go to France, my partner wants to go to Germany. I want to see the Lascaux caves in Padirac, so I'm not willing to compromise on France. Or maybe I want nice dinners and a river, so I'm happy to look at Germany too. What about travel? I'm ambivalent over how we go, but carbon consumption is important to them, or they suffer from claustrophobia, so we choose to go by train. Life is about compromises, and learning what we can and can't compromise on. I'm intentionally not saying "willing to compromise", because I might be not be able to compromise on an aspect no matter how willing I am. I also want to emphasise to myself that this exercise is about trying to find where I can give, and where it's important to me that I don't, so while I might not want to compromise, I might need to in order to prioritise something else. 

Essential

Need

Desire

Would like

Nice to have

Prefer to have

Prefer not to have

Rather not

No

Definitely not

Absolutely not

Never

Life thoughts -- Rough Schedule

This is a rough schedule of the posts I am currently plannign to write, am writing, or have already written (posted or scheduled).

On Saturday I will be publishing the first in this Life Thoughts series, which will be on two big questions: "Who am I?", and, "Where do I want to be?", designed to help me focus my energies, spoons, and life goals more realistically. Not answering those questions, but explaining them as a framework for the rest of the series.

ASD in my life, in particular around specific impairments and/or adjustments I've made

• Executive dysfunction -- in progress.
• Being assessed, how to "de-mask", how to find an assessor, how the process was for me
• Co-morbidities

Academia

• Research goals - things I want to research myself
• Research interests - things I want to learn or understand, but am content just reading others' research
• vIMC commentary
• Study vs Appreciate, which subjects / areas go under which category
• Series on research progress
• Being AltAc

Crafting

• History-bounding -- in progress
• My periods
• Crafts for me
• Sewing plans
• Dream projects
• A series on project progress, including pre
• Gatherings - British Guild of Historical Costumers and other groups

Health & Personal bits

• Family, Infertility, IVF, and so on
• Mental health and ASD
• Disabled vs Impaired vs Having a disability
• Living arrangements
• Work/self/academic balancing

I plan to work on these as the whim takes me, but should anyone be reading this and want me to prioritise something in particular, do ask...

Start of the rest of my life

Long time no write. I've drafted a few posts, but not actually released them. As part of a general life overhaul thing, I'm going to stop that. Yes, one long-arse post will remain in draft for a fair while as fixing the code is an arse, but in general I need to get into the habit of just writing something each month at least. Will it always be "on brand"? Nope, but new habits only form if we do the thing!

So, what's up? With the pandemic, I've had the time to stop and think. I've been thinking a lot on two particular questions: "Who Am I?" and then "Where do I want to be?"

To this end, my plan for today is to start drafting a number of posts on various subjects investigating these questions, and then to schedule them for posting. I may need to go back and tidy some later, but the schedules will be set up well in advance. I will also need to decide how frequently to release them - too close and it's all a bit much, too far apart and it'll take a year to cover just my thoughts from this week! I'm thinking a theme a month, and then splitting them up into smaller posts maybe up to one a week. We shall see!

I'm also planning on having a weekly or monthly check-in post where I keep myself accountable (to me) on what I've achieved this week/month. Might be work stuff, crafty projects, some research, a new skill, house fixing, health progress, or more formal academics. Doesn't matter. The point is to get in the habit of saying "I did a thing!".

Having a Laparoscopy Operation

OK, so I briefly touched on this earlier but I thought I'd write it out to try and think it through.

I was due to go in for a minor operation on the 14 December but due to winter pressures on the NHS the Trust decided to cancel all non-urgent operations to make more bed spaces in the Surgical Short Stay areas. I was caught up in that and mine was one of the ones cancelled.

Thoughts from that:

• I don't cope well with unexpected changes. I only found out shortly before I was due to head in and had a panic attack trying to figure out what I should do now about work. Luckily my boss is a good person who calmed me down, told me to have that day sick and to take the next as TOIL, and then come in as normal on the Monday.
• Winter pressure is to be expected. It sucks, but I'd prefer little old ladies who have fallen to have their hips put back together again, thanks very much! What isn't really acceptable is to allow departments to schedule surgery when you (Trust) expect to send out a cancel-all-operations order. Just don't book the damn operations, so we don't take unneeded leave, and the bed spaces are there. You can always ring someone up like you did in January to give them as "last minute cancellation" if you find out you have the capacity!
• The NHS needs better funding and to lost Hunt of the Rhyming Slang. And most of the leading MPs of the current day.

So... fast-forward to a few weeks later, and I was wondering what was happening about my operation re-scheduling. I spent a week or so ringing on and off to try to get hold of someone in the department I needed to find out what I should do, if anything. One Wednesday afternoon I was chatting to Mum as I walked in the door after work and decided to have a go then. To my surprise I got through, and gave over my hospital number etc.

"Can you come in tomorrow?"
"Err." *flustered* "I would have to check with work but I think so."
"Well we'd have to book it now, if you can't then..."
"No, no, I think I can. I'll check now and ring back if I can't but I'm sure I can." *panicking now*
"OK, that's great. Can you come in at 12:30 please?"
"Yes, no problem. Is it the same as on the previous instructions re food/drink?"
We clarified that, yes, I could have BLACK tea, and some toast before 07:30, and then nothing except water from then until 10am, when it went to nil.
"See you tomorrow."

One panicky phone call to my boss later, and I was packing my bag of things to take with me. Then rang TGO at work to let him know and also to persuade him that taking the day off work was pointless - I wasn't exactly going to be around and I figured I'd be unlikely to get home before 6 anyway. Various other phone calls to my older sister to sort out nephew collection duties as usually they come to us after school on a Thursday while she does marking etc.

There were then two more phone calls from the hospital:
1.
"I'm really sorry, I forgot to ask you before. Is there any chance you might be pregnant? You know we can't do the operation if there is any chance."
"Definitely no chance."
"That's great, see you tomorrow."
2.
"Have you had a pre-op?"
"A pre-op? What's that? I don't know."
Explained what the pre-op was
"No, I don't think so. I wasn't scheduled for one last time either though."
"Hmm, well we'd better do one just in case. Can you come in a bit earlier?"
"No problem. When were you thinking?"
"About 12ish would be fine"
"OK"

Early night and early up so I could finish breakfast before 07:30. As an aside, black tea is tolerable but I REALLY wouldn't choose it! Just before 08:00 the phone rang, with the withheld number again like the other calls from the hospital, so I panicked that they were cancelling.
"We do need to do a pre-operation and we can't go ahead without it..."
"I can come in now!" *panic* "I'm only around the corner in [local area]"
"Oh!" *relief-sounding voice* "Great! How soon can you get here? Can you get here for 08:30?"
"Um, yeah, OK, no problem"
"See you soon"

So panic stations! I'd walked about so Mum had been nearby able to hear when I was on the call. She'd just run a bath so I was pushed at it, Dad was summoned and told to ring a taxi now (road works between home and hospital meant she couldn't drop me AND get to the class she was teaching for 9am). Speed wash in the bath, grabbed some clothes, put things mentioned on the letter (pills, types of clothes, pads) in a bag, shoved in some books with a charger, tablet, and phone. Had some cash shoved at me by Dad and was bundled into a cab. Husband at this point is oblivious as he'd been dropped off at the station just before the hospital rang.

Got to the hospital without any problems, and went into the Surgical Short Stay Unit (SSSU) to find out where I was supposed to go for the pre-op. Pre-Op is in the bowels of the hospital, so I got down there in plenty of time. As there was almost no one else there I went almost straight in.
Pre-Op was:

• MRSA swab of nose
• MRSA swab of groin
• Height and weight
• Blood pressure
• "Do you have any allergies or intolerances?", version 1
• Confirmation of data, part 1

All done by 09:00. I wasn't sure what to do next, so I ambled back towards the SSSU catching Pokémon. I debated walking down to Tesco nearby to get the gym there, but was worried about whether I was expected to stay on site so I didn't. Hung around in the SSSU registration area for a while until someone spotted me. Explained why I was there and that I wasn't sure what to do now, but that I didn't really want to go home and come back - could I sit in the Day Room? Nurse toddled off and came back to say they could admit me now and I could just park up on my bed and read if I liked or have a nap. So I did!

I read Ashes of Honor, some more of Games Creatures Play, and then a good chunk of The King Must Die, plus I got caught up on Facebook and Twitter (well as much as one can say caught up with either of those). I would have played Pokémon but I was tantalisingly just out of reach of the nearest stop and low on balls.

The rest of the time I had a number of visits from various people including nurses, the surgeon, and the anaesthetist, all who asked me for my allergies/intolerances, date of birth, and address. I know why they do it (so they know they have the right patient with the right notes), but it's both boring and exasperating after a while. At about 16:30 I was given my oh-so-sexy support stockings and put into the gown to be wheeled down. As I was moving from one bed area to another we took all my stuff with me to go into a locker while I was in surgery.

I came around about 6ish I think, and sat up. Lady next to me had had "growths" removed and was very groggy, but I didn't feel too bad so I stayed sitting up all the way back to the Unit. They found some endometrium where it shouldn't be, and removed it. Hopefully things will be a little better now... I had to drink a ton of water once I was in recovery because they won't let you out until you pee. My bladder was happy to take about 2 pints before it would go, so I was stuck there until about 8pm.

Other slightly random thoughts:

• My anaesthetist was great and had a funky moustache. He agreed to gas me until I was under enough to not know there was a needle nearby. Good man!
• I have a slow release bladder - I was still able to pee at nearly 16:30 before I was wheeled down, despite having drunk nothing since I was admitted at 09:30... Bodies are weird!
• Gas is much nicer than injections but I was burping it for 2 days afterwards and it tastes BAD!
• Recovery is both fast and slow - healing was very quick and clean, but I am still pretty tired 2 weeks later. It also occasionally twinges. I'm told this is because healing starts at the skin and works inwards, so while the holes are closed up now, the insides are still stab wounded.

2017 - Life shenanigans

I haven't yet posted this year because I'm mostly thinking and not really DOING and I got attacked by that mean thing called Life... :)

Bad:
Politics
Operation scheduled for mid-December got cancelled shortly beforehand which messed with my Aspie

Middle:
I asked to see the local ASD specialists because I had some questions and because I had lost my diagnosis letter in the moved down here (I needed it for course reasons). I've ended up with a reassessment in February and I'm terrified they're going to take away my diagnosis. Illogical? Maybe. Real to me though.

Good:
Ended up with a last minute re-scheduling of my op just over a week ago. As in, Phone call at 15:50 to be in the following lunch time, and then altered at 07:30am to "how soon can you get in?"... More on that later.
Starting medication to hopefully kick my personal Plan A into action at last. 10 years in the planning on that one. No indications because I don't want to jinx anything!


Random:
I'm trying to work out what I want to do here, as in on this blog. I like the writing process because it's quite cathartic and no one else reads it! I'm half thinking of making it into streams and using two (or more) profiles to separate the different types if writing.

• Medieval research notes
• Life stuff - me, aspie,
• Librarian / book things

Hmm, not sure.

December - Planning for a New Year

Next year I will definitely be transferring to a new institution and starting again on a taught PG course. I attended one open day a week or so back, and am planning to attend another in the new year. Both are within an hour of home, so hopefully I'll be a lot less isolated than I was with my previous institution. Unfortunately I am not eligible for the Postgraduate Loans as I already have an MA - even though it's a "professional one". It's slightly irritating because I was ineligible for most types of funding when I took my original MA because it was classed as professional, and now I'm ineligible for the academic funding because said original MA is now too academic... ARGH!

Bloody typical! *sigh*

So, in practice that just means I'll continue part time.

When looking to go back to another more-local university I shortlisted 10 south-eastern institutions plus one near where TGO works. I don't really want to head back up there BUT it is a good university and a cheaper area to live, so... I put my inner-Aspie to work and have worked out a ranking for each institution and course based on a number of criteria.

Stage one: Identification

Seven institutions in and around London, with 10 courses that align with my academic interests;
One institution with two courses near TGO
Three general South-East institutions with six courses aligning. Some other south-eastern region institutions were not short-listed at this point due to accessibility (I don't drive) or lack of relevant courses.

Stage 2: Ranking

1. Course titles:
• Plain History couses were ranked lower than one that was either specifically "medieval" or which was designed as a Historical Research degree as I felt those would be of greater benefit to my future studies.
2. Course type:
• MA = 2 points, vs MRes = 1 point. This was because I felt I will benefit from more support at this stage.
3. Dissertation lengths:
• These were simply ranked by length, with a longer dissertation gaining more points because it usually reflected a lesser number of optional modules.
• A shorter dissertation but more modules I deemed equally beneficial as a longer dissertation with less optional modules, assuming suitable support within the department.
4. Compulsory modules:
• A specific "Research skills" module was ranked most highly, with thematic overview modules ranking second. Other compulsory modules weren't ranked as I see these as 'things that I must complete' in contrast to 'things I find most beneficial'. 
5. Optional modules:
• Optional modules were harder to rank, so I decided to award 2 points to any optional module that I felt would be directly relevant to any future research I undertake.
• Subsequent optional modules which would be useful in developing technique, contextual awareness, and so on, were given 1 point each.
6. Language support:
• I want a university that at minimum offers support and training in medieval Latin. Other relevant languages are a bonus, especially Middle English. Therefore Latin support and tuition was given 2 points, other relevant languages got 1, and irrelevant languages (to me) weren't noted.
7. Cost:
• Cost is always relevant, like it or not. Despite being mostly interested in part-time study, I ranked on full-time fees in part because not all institutions provided clear part-time fees.
• Costs were ranked inversely, meaning a £10k/per annum cost was 1 point, and a £1k per annum cost would be 10 points. I used decimals here because there is a lot of difference between a £5000/yr and a £5700/yr cost.

Following this I decided to add in some additional adjustments to rankings based on some extra criteria.

1. Part-time:
• Not all institutions were clear that they offered their courses with a part-time option. I ranked those which clearly stated the existence of any part-time options as +1.
  
  This fed into adjustment 2...
2. Tuition times:
• Offering part-time tuition is one thing, offering ACCESSIBLE part-time tuition is another thing entirely! Many institutions weren't clear on how their times would adjust to someone who needs to continue working, and were mostly adjusted to accommodate those who had more flexible outside demands.
• For 5 points, I ranked most highly those who offered evening tuition (one institution)
• For 3 points, I ranked second those who offered tuition adjusted to work patterns, e.g. on one day or on specific afternoons.
• This bias comes from my MA LIS, where Monday had most/all compulsory modules and optional modules on a rotating basis (i.e. Year 1 had 50% available, with the other 50% available on that day during Year 2). This meant that our part-timers had everything accessible on a day-release basis.
• If an employed person wants to take a course, it is easier to negotiate a specific work pattern with their employer (e.g. longer hours Tues - Fri, swapping Weds for Saturday, and so on) than needing 2 hours on Monday morning, and an early finish on Thursdays for Term 1, then Wednesdays in term 2, and so on.
• Those institutions who didn't specify, or which had timetables showing classes all across the times and days were ranked 0 as they were unhelpful to me. Some of these courses might have actually been available as a 3-point option, but they were really not helpful!
• Only two institutions got any points here. One who only offer evening tuition, and one who offer a "flexible study-pattern" option. That was depressing!
3. Palaeography
• One angle on my future research plans involves extensive palaeographical work. I therefore would prefer an institution that offers palaeographical training and support. Some institutions didn't offer a named Palaeography course, but did offer Manuscript Studies or Training, which I viewed as a lesser-but-still-good version of Palaeography.
• Palaeography courses were ranked +2, Manuscript studies courses were ranked +1, and courses without either got +0.

Stage 3: Results

Surprisingly, the course nearest to TGO's work got the highest rank, despite me not wanting to live there again. That was definite food for thought. They do offer part-time, I know from talking to past students that they are willing to be quite flexible on attendance (caused by working) providing you complete the work. They are also based within walking distance of the office I would have to transfer to.

There were four institutions and five courses which scored 25 points or more on my scale. Maximum points would have been 30-35 points depending on how long an optimal dissertation would be. I'll call these institutions B, M, R and U

M scored 27.5, having the best compulsory options, and second best optional modules. It offers palaeography and 2 languages but doesn't have optimal part-time study timings. Its fees are high.

B scored 27.4. Its compulsory options were a bit mediocre but it currently has some great and good optional modules. It offers both palaeography AND manuscript studies, but only Latin. It offers awesome tuition times as all its relevant classes are in the early evening. Its fees are moderate.

R scored 25.4 for one course and 25 for another (a third scored 22.5). It has good compulsory courses and solidly interesting and relevant optional modules. R offers palaeography and Latin, but no other languages and has an innovative flexible option allowing you to spread your course over more than two years. I have no idea how that would work in practice, so I will need to visit them soon to discuss how it would pan out for me. The fees are the best of the top courses.

U scored 25.2. U has less compulsory modules overall, but makes up by having the best optional modules on offer allowing a more customised course. It only offers manuscript studies not palaeography but offers many relevant languages in addition to Latin. Its tuition times sucked, but there is a part-time option. The main negative for U was the extremely high tuition fees. Removing tuition fees from consideration (not possible in reality!) would bump it up above both courses at R.

U and B have an additional advantage in that they are part of a wider network of institutions which sometimes permit sharing of modules BUT that would always be dependant on tuition times for me.

In all cases it was assumed that the options as advertised now would be available when I took the course. This is never guaranteed, of course!

November

I'm really not feeling in a good place mentally at present, so I'm going to leave the commentary for this month. On the up side, I just had a week and a half off work, and realised how much I'd pushed myself this year. I need to consciously work in breaks I think or I am going to break...

Revising

On Saturday morning I finally received my feedback from my viva. On Tuesday afternoon I'm meeting up with my supervisor (over Skype). I allowed myself the weekend to feel miserable about being told my original thesis was shit and needed a complete overhaul, and now tonight I have to get on with going through their comments to make a list of the changes needed. I need to learn from my mistakes otherwise I a) won't get this past the examiners on the second attempt, and b) if I DID get it past them, I certainly won't get through a PhD viva!

Plan for (the remainder of) September:

1. Make list of Things to Fix from examiners comments
2. Meet with Supervisor
3. Agree timetable for corrections with supervisor
4. Complete update of transcriptions
5. Send updated transcriptions to supervisor

Future points:

• Re-read / Read material to add into Chapter 1
• Revise Chapter 1
• Needs more material actively cited
• Revise Chapter 4/5
• Merge

It May be June - Conferencing While Aspie

Just a quick check in to keep the ball rolling on posting at least semi-regularly, since I missed May completely.

So, what have I done?

Mostly, have a bad mood crash, two big meltdowns, and recover from two conferences.

I love going to conferences, but they really wreck my mental health because I'm having to process so much social interaction. Borderlines was fantastic, for example, but I broke on the third day because my Aspie brain couldn't function any more. I don't think that there is any way in which conference organisers could reduce that for me, it's on me to manage this and I did so poorly that time. So, how do I manage conferences?

1. Make sure my accommodation is as close as possible to the venue is important.
   This isn't always possible - using Borderlines as an example, TCD is smack bang in the centre of Dublin and right on almost all the tourist hotspots, so affordable accommodation was not anywhere near. We stayed with a friend a short way out instead, which was lovely, but meant each day was very long.
2. Don't always go for coffee breaks.
   Skipping that small amount of social interaction is against the idea of conference socialisation but it gives me a much needed brain break. Taking time with no interaction for 10 minutes in the quiet of an empty conference room is very valuable. Plus if I'm getting brain tired, I'm more likely to make a prat of myself!
3. Make sure I get sufficient sleep.
   The more interaction I need to have (and I do enjoy it!), the more sleep I need to recuperate. Acknowledging that fact took a while as I used to just push until I fell over. Now I know sleep is an essential part of the day for me. This means that I can't afford to go out for the evening with other delegates, although I "budget" in the conference dinner to ensure that I don't waste the gift of networking and geeking all at once.
4. Drink lots of water
   Seriously, staying hydrated makes a fantastic difference. Drinking water also allows me to pause before communicating - important when stressed to get my brain in the socially acceptable mode. In addition, toilets are quiet places where I can legitimately recoup some brain space.
5. Eat carefully
   Stress does a number on my digestion, and any social interaction is stressful, so trying to eat plainly can help because I'm not upsetting an already stressed digestive system. Stopping the cycle of stressed - bad tummy - stressed over bad tummy is essential too!
6. Don't go straight back to work!
   Sounds strange, but wherever possible I take an extra day of leave from work when going to conferences so that I have a day or two to 'ground' myself. If I can't do that, I try to at least work from home. Fairly simple but long journeys can work for that too - travelling back from Dublin involves 3-4 hours on a single train back from Holyhead to London, which was great for just being allowed to zone out.
7. Lastly - Plan travel carefully
   Planning travel is always sensible when you have an event to go to, but planning carefully is slightly different. Planning carefully means
• Travel up the night before - no stressing over "will I get there in time" on the first day
• Consider staying overnight afterwards so no stress about packing and getting to the conference, nor worries over where to store baggage during the day.
• Pick trains without tight connections - while I can usually get between most London terminals in 10-20 minutes, take the longer connections and arrive unsweaty and (more) relaxed.
• For Ireland - Book onto the ferry before the one you need. I learned this the hard way going to Belfast! If there is any problem with a ferry sailing, you don't want to be stuck in the wrong country when you are supposed to be giving your paper, so try to book one to get there the night or day before if at all possible. If getting the overnight ferry again, I'll give myself a whole day before the conference, not a few hours.

Do I still have meltdowns and wobbles even following the above? Of course, but for me the ideas on the above list help me to manage myself more sensibly. Conferencing while autistic, for me, is all about reducing risks and stressors, and appreciating that the fun thing (the conference) is also one of the major stressors in itself.

~~

What's coming up?

Main task is cracking on with my transcriptions for my thesis rewrite as I want to have all three done and dusted by the end of September (or even August). This is where I miss working term-time only and having all of August off work!
Attached to that is chasing for my feedback as I've still not received it, which means I'm a bit in the dark as to how they want Chapters 4/5 fixing. Chapter 1 I'm somewhat clearer on, but I'd prefer the feedback before I go too far down the wrong rabbit hole...

No IMC Leeds this year :( I'm not giving a paper and I couldn't justify the expense. I'm still rather sad about that as there are, as always, a number of really useful papers being given which I'd love to hear... Hopefully some will be shared on Academia afterwards. In fact, I may use any spare time (ha!) to do something I had an idea of before - creating a list linking paper titles with papers shared online. With things as they are now, storifys of twitter hashtags would be good BUT takes some of the control away from the author which I know some dislike. Perhaps hashtags/storifies* for roundtables unless curated by the speaker(s).

End of this month (June), I'm going to a Portfolio Building Workshop, to start preparing my Chartership portfolio.

~~

* Storify, storifys, storifies? Not sure...

** Why do I keep stressing "for me" in my list? Because all people on the autistic spectrum are different, and while my techniques may help others, we're not all going to respond to the same things.

April - Am I a Fool?

Well I survived my viva, and I wasn't kicked out or told to go away. I do have corrections, but with plenty of time to do them in, so unpressured. I have a broad outline of the changes they want me to make, and I'm fairly happy with them.

• Chapter 1 needs "tightening", although I await their detailed comments to know exactly how they want that to be achieved. One area I do know they want, is for me to mention more of my background reading for the prime reason of letting it show in the bibliography. Slightly tedious, but it's no skin off my nose to do it, so I'm happy.
    
• Chapter 3 they want to see my own transcriptions alongside my translations. I had originally had mine in, but wasn't happy with them and lacked time to redo them. I am actually looking forward to having a good reason to go at that bit again :)
   
• Chapters 4 & 5 they felt would be better merged. Chapter 5 was, in my opinion, the most clunky of the whole thesis, so of all the ones to pick on, that's the one that I am least attached to in it's current form.

Overall, I accept their criticisms, especially as something that will not only strengthen this thesis, but stand me in good stead for the PhD as well.

Plans:

1. Work on paper for Borderlines in Dublin - just over a fortnight away now so I need to get cracking. Currently reading up on opinions on chantry foundations as I don't want to get wrong assumptions that will kill my logic.
    
2. Work on paper for EMREM in Birmingham - this is broadly the same area as the Dublin paper, but from a slightly different angle. Hoping to get some good questions in Dublin to bring into this paper. Regardless, I need it close to done before I go to Ireland as it's easier for me to amend than write.
    
3. Go through detailed revisions notes once received from the examiners (probably next week).
4. Think seriously on getting myself Chartered Librarian status over the next 12 months while I have the opportunity. It's mostly portfolio-of-current-work so I'd be surprised if it impinged on studies.

Other stuff:

TGO put in for a transfer to a long-term project nearer to me, so keeping my fingers crossed about that. Having just spent a week up with him after my viva I'm badly missing the chit-chat that you have when someone's in the same room/house as you.

Counting pennies to see if I can afford Leeds this year. I really want to go, but not sure about finances.

MA to PhD:

I have up to 12 months to resubmit.
I can start the PhD in either January or September following a pass.
Supervisor is on research leave from September 2016 for 3 years.
So,
Get as much rewritten before September so I can get full feedback from her along the way.
Find a second internal supervisor, probably from History since my Principal Supervisor is from English.
Focus on LIFE bits to get them processed ASAP and thus completed within that 12 months as well
Aiming to restart September 2017, as January 2017 is a bit close for the entire process from corrections through the External examiner to acceptance, in my opinion.

~~

Revisiting my old plans from October...:

1. Make Christmas presents - sloe gin and maybe a flavoured vodka again.
   Made damson vodka instead. Had the flavoured vodka from last year as a NYE drink and loved it, so I now want to make more!
2. Rewrite my paper for Borderlines into an article. The paper didn't feel like it 'worked' well, to me, so I really want to go back to it, pull it apart and fix it.
   Still a plan, still not happened. Maybe in May/June
3. Create the database I'll need for the PhD research - I can't assume I'll fail miserably, so I'm just going to get on with it.
   Postponed for 9 months or so
4. Start databasing some of the data for my PhD - it will need doing some time
   As above. Concentrating on getting the MA thesis "right"
5. Read for fun - novels and non-research nonfiction
   Aiming at 1-2 books a month, but have also upped my intake of short stories.
6. Do some sewing - I have patterns for a dress, top and a skirt I want to make, and now I have the time. (Simplicity 3847, New Look 6808, Simplicity 3673)
   Made Mum a peg bag for Mothering Sunday (she asked for one). Not started on clothes yet. Current bad excuse is that I need a tailor's dummy - I either need to stump up or shut up on that one really.
7. Join an exercise class, or a dance class. Maybe belly dancing! Something to get me fit, but without boring me senseless, like I find I get in a gym.
   Um, oops
8. Level all my Warcraft characters to 100. What, I never said I wasn't a geek!
   10/11 on main account. Secondary account lapsed due to finances for now.

Viva Tomorrow

OhGodOhGodOhGod....

*panic*

February Round-Up - Marching on

February is a short month. This year it started as another one of nothing much going on, but almost as the month ended that lethargy was followed by sudden urgent movement.

At the start of February I still had no idea what was happening with my MA thesis and was planning to discuss it with my supervisor “soon”. After many weeks of drifting aimlessly, I pulled myself together and submitted abstracts for two conferences – Borderlines in Dublin and the EMREM Symposium in Birmingham. To my surprise and pleasure I have since been notified that I’ve been accepted to do both papers.

On 25^th & 26^th I was at Quadrivium, which was being held in Leicester this year. I’ll try to remember to do a write-up of that separately as it was another good year IMO. As hoped, my supervisor was at Quad, so we had a brief chat and she STRONGLY encouraged me to contact the department on the Monday to chase my thesis progress. Back home on the Saturday, however, that plan was hastily dropped as I was met by a letter inviting me for a viva on either 17^th or 22^nd March. So the last three days of February have been panic stations trying to organise myself and my brain back to September, when I submitted the thesis.

Currently I’m still waiting on official confirmation that I’m being 'done' on the 22^nd (couldn’t get the 17^th off work due to meetings), but all being well that’s what should be happening. Plan now is:

• Go up to UniCity the night before and crash in a Youth Hostel near the station overnight
• Head into campus in the morning.
• Viva is "make myself available from 12 noon"
• Attend lecture that evening on campus (nice coincidence) – assuming I’m not a complete wreck!
• Head to TGO to spend Easter there (*happy dance*, have arranged 3 days working from home and been asked to attend a meeting at a site not far from TGO's residence so perfect timing)
• ~ Easter ~
• House clearing and tidying so we get a bit closer to selling and then living together permanently again
• Head back Weds after Easter

Once the viva is gone, I will be able to focus on any corrections (I’ve already found some I want to do!), and then the papers for Dublin and Birmingham. Despite all the stress of preparing for an upcoming viva, I can honestly say I’m glad because I can once again see forward. However terrifying the viva is in my head, and may be in practice, I have something I can work towards, which is so much better than sitting on my hands waiting and worrying...

A side benefit is that it has prodded me to chase down the letter with my official ASD diagnosis on it, to provide to my examiners.

February post

Nothing much to add this month. Currently stuck waiting for a gas man for the second day running - just what I wanted to do on my week off!

Still waiting on my MA thesis - even if all is well, I'm now not expecting to start the PhD before Easter at the earliest.

I'd hit a hiatus in research reading because I'd tied myself into mental knots. How? Well, I'd got into the loop of what should I be reading on - further depth for MA thesis, or onwards into reading for the PhD. I think that I'd convinced myself that A) I shouldn't read more for the MA thesis because I shouldn't change where I was (Hmm!), and B) I shouldn't read for the PhD yet because I'd jinx it (Double hmm!). I exasperate myself.

This week I've consciously been trying to break that and start reading again regardless, and it's working.

Currently reading: Peters / Patterns of piety.

Plans for February:
 Quadrivium in Leicester
 Kathryn Rudy lecture in Cambridge.

November

So, I gave myself October off from study, apart from going up to a lecture at the John Rylands in Manchester one weekend. I've read lots of fiction for the first time in ages, and made my Goodreads target for 2015.

But now it's November and I've had my birthday so time to look to the next step. Which is what?
I can't assume I've passed through my MA with no revisions, so I plan to spend November re-reading it and looking for mistakes the examiners will want fixing. So far I've fixed some glaring grammatical errors in my abstract. Hope that's the worst of it!

I'm also working on some personal stuff while the pressure is relatively light, or at least when I can do nothing about it... We shall see what comes of that soon, hopefully!

October

Rabbits and hares and white rabbits.

It's October, and a lovely autumn day here. I'm sitting in my office at work looking out of the window and there's a lovely sunshine out there right now. The leaves on the walk home are also a fabulous colour which really cheers me up.

Academically I'm in limbo stage, but still a student. As I understand it, here is how things go from here. Bear in mind this is for the MA by Research NOT the PhD.

• Submit hard copy (with all the forms) - DONE
• Hard copies are sent to my internal and external reviewers - probably going to be sent next week, I was told.
• Both reviewers have about 8 weeks to turn around their feedback.
• I receive the feedback and have one of about 5 results
• Pass with no amendments
• Minor amendments (e.g. typos, small changes to specific areas)
• Major amendments (e.g. rewrite sections, add in X element)
• Revise and resubmit (End to end revision and resubmission as a semi-new thesis)
• Fail
• I respond to the result, and act accordingly.
• Pass (unlikely)
• Minor - edit, resubmit within 3 months, sent back to internal examiner to accept
• Major - edit, resubmit within 6 months, sent back to external examiner to accept
• Revise and resubmit - edit, resubmit within 1 year, restart review process
• Fail - no PhD place
• Viva is unlikely but a slim possibility, mostly if an examiner wishes clarification on an area covered OR you are borderline failing (do you know your stuff just can't write for toffee?!).
• I start the PhD (unless FAIL), 1st of the month after the thesis is accepted (HOPEFULLY January 2016).

So until at least November I can do nothing except wait, which is completely nerve-wracking.

Right now I've got student status for the year, but no fees to pay until accepted or not. Financially this is nice as it means we can save the money for other important stuff (#1, finish fixing the house!).

Despite this, I cannot just stop dead. Here's my plans for the next few months:

• Make Christmas presents - sloe gin and maybe a flavoured vodka again.
• Rewrite my paper for Borderlines into an article. The paper didn't feel like it 'worked' well, to me, so I really want to go back to it, pull it apart and fix it.
• Create the database I'll need for the PhD research - I can't assume I'll fail miserably, so I'm just going to get on with it.
• Start databasing some of the data for my PhD - it will need doing some time
• Read for fun - novels and non-research nonfiction
• Do some sewing - I have patterns for a dress, top and a skirt I want to make, and now I have the time. (Simplicity 3847, New Look 6808, Simplicity 3673)
• Join an exercise class, or a dance class. Maybe belly dancing! Something to get me fit, but without boring me senseless, like I find I get in a gym.
• Level all my Warcraft characters to 100. What, I never said I wasn't a geek!

If I fail? To be honest, I'm going to do the research anyway, but I'll have less support etc. I am doing this for the pleasure, not as a career move, so why on earth would I stop doing something I already enjoy?

The International Medieval Congress in 2016 (Leeds)

Last Updated: 27 August 2015

For my own interest I'm gathering together here a list of any Calls for Papers (CfP) for the IMC 2016 in Leeds. The individual paper closing date is 31 August 2015.

31 Aug 2015	The Dominican Order in the Middle Ages	Ordernsgeschichte
31 Aug 2015	Academic Englishes and Academia in the Making: Who Will Write the Middle Ages and How?	Zsuzsanna Reed, CEU
1 Sept 2015	Artisans of the book and collaborative working methods	Manuscript Collaboration Hub
1 Sept 2015	The Long Lives of Medieval Art and Architecture	Amanda Dotseth, Courtauld Institute of Art / AVISTA
8 Sept 2015	Food, Feast and Famine, 3 sessions proposed	Royal Studies Network
10 Sept 2015	Topic: Names & Onomastics	Dictionary of Medieval Names from European Sources
10 Sept 2015	Session proposals for ICMA (ICMA members only) – scroll down	Janis Elliott / ICMA
11 Sept 2015	The Animal Turn in Medieval Health Studies	Sunny Harrison, Leeds
14 Sept 2015	Eating the Book: Manuscripts and Reading Habits in Anglo-Saxon England (Image)	Rachel Burns (UCL) & Francis Leneghan (Oxford)
15 Sept 2015	Interactions among towns and leagues of towns in the long thirteenth century	Dr Gianluca Raccagni
15 Sept 2015	Rethinking the Medieval Frontier	Jonathan Jarrett
15 Sept 2015	The Monastic Refectory and Spiritual Food	CESM
15 Sept 2015	2 sessions: Food and Feast in Medieval Outlaw Texts Ecocritical Outlaws	Kristin Bovaird-Abbo & Lesley A. Coote / IAHRS
ASAP or 15 Sept 2015	The Medieval Landscape/Seascape (blog)	Kimm Curran (Glasgow)
ASAP or 15 Sept 2015	New Directions in the Study of Women Religious (4 sessions)	Kimm Curran (Glasgow) & Kirsty Day (Leeds) & Steven Vanderputten (Ghent)
20 Sept 2015	Medieval Equestrianism: Theory and Practice	Anastasija Ropa & Timothy Dawson
[Unspecified]	Topic: Letters to Women (panel), esp. Letters to Jewish or Muslim women	@KRMaude
[Unspecified]	Medieval Ecocriticism	Heide Estes / Medieval Ecocriticisms
[Unspecified]	"If anyone is interested in putting up sessions for the International Medieval Congress at Leeds [...] under the auspices of the IPPS, please contact us."	Piers Plowman Society
[Unspecified]	Food + Death / Food in Death / Food + Wills	@Emy_Pica
30 Sept 2015	IMC Committee Deadline for Organisers of Sessions / Panels
[Closed]	Murder and Mayhem: Disorder and Violence in Italy 568-1154	---
[Closed]	Feast or Famine? What Presence did the Bible Really Have in Medieval Spiritual Writings?	The Society for the Study of the Bible in the Middle Ages
[Closed]	Mastering Knowledge and Power: Bishops, Schools and Political Engagement in Early Medieval Europe (650-1050)	Giorgia Vocino & Giacomo Vignodelli
[Closed]	Slavery in the Medieval World (PDF)	"Medieval Slavery" project
[Closed]	The Separation of Church and Church Bishops and their Communities in the Carolingian Era (8th-10th c.) (Thematic session)	SFB Visions of Community & the Network for the Study of Late Antique and Early Medieval Monasticism
[Closed]	Debating Relics: Reflections on Relics in the Middle Ages and Problems of Methodology	"Mind over Matter" project
[Closed]	Setting the Table: Medieval Tablescapes, Dining, and the Visual Culture of Food (scroll down) (Facebook)	Meg Bernstein / ICMA Student Committee

Any more I've missed? Leave a comment, or tweet @MEM_PG_Confs with the details.

#IMC2016.

New Term, New Year

This is a bit of a "new things" year for me... Since August I have

• Got a new job, with better hours for studying
• Moved to be nearer to New Job
• Given my first paper
• Organised a panel for the IMC
• Started reconnecting with old friends who I'd lost contact with for "Reasons"

In all it's a bit of a mixed bag:

New Job is awesome, fun and is no longer breaking my autistic brain. I'm once again working "back office", and although some of it is a stiff learning curve, I'm happy here.

Moving is a good-bad thing. On the positive side, I'm near work and I can walk home in under an hour; I'm close to family again so I can see small people grow up. On the other side, TGO is still Up North; our house is unsellable at present so he'll remain there for quite a while and I miss him LOADS, with the added effect of not earning enough to travel to see him more than once a month...

First paper went OK, I think. People were nice and asked questions too, which was a big "Yay!" moment.

Organising a panel has taught me lots of things, especially that getting a moderator is not as easy as it seems!

Reconnecting with friends has been frightening ("what if they don't like me now, what if I/we have changed?"), but ultimately very worth it.

This year I can see forwards too:

• Upgrade panel in March
• Planning on giving a paper at Borderlines in Belfast
• If accepted, giving a paper at the IMC in July

I got very isolated last year, so this year I'm making an effort to go up during Freshers Week and meeting people in the Medieval-Early Modern forum and the Postgrad / Mature Students association too. 

Onwards!