Life Planning

 Following on from my last post, I think I need to schedule some kind of life planning schema for my future. What do I want to do, what do I need to do/be/have in order to do this, and then a plan to work on an aspect of this each month. This plan is going to structured in such as way as to not constrain anything in particular to a specific day or date, but which acknowledges the factors necessary to achieve each step of the journey. I also accept and embrace that I may decide that certain factors are no longer of interest or important to me any more. 

We change, we adapt, and that's not bad!

This is version 0.1 of my "the rest of my life" plan. The format will be:

Ultimate goal - the final aim of this "thread"

Subordinate goals - goals which need to be separately aimed for in order to progress to the Ultimate Goal

Tasks - thinks that need to be done to achieve either Ultimate or Subordinate goals

Maintenance tasks - things that need to be done regularly or repeatedly in order to continue progress towards Ultimate and Subordinate goals. Like sleeping, these tasks don't necessarily take you closer to your goal each time, but completing them enables you to work on the other tasks, which do progress things.

I will include a flow-chart-like thing, which is to show how certain tasks filter into other tasks.

This layout works for craft projects, housework, anything really!

Today I am just going to write out my Ultimate Goals, and then a few wishy-washy things I have wanted but am not sure whether they still fit with me-now...

Ultimate Goals

Family:

Children - IF means not biological, so working towards DE and adoption.

Living - nearer to family OR nearer to access to family

House - slightly bigger, with a proper kitchen, a separate eating and resting room, and space for crafting. Home office if that remains a consideration

Career:

Earn more

Location

Work/life ratio

Responsibilities

Importance to organisation

Academics

Language skills - Russian to MA level

Further study - restart/continue MA studies; translation studies

More subjects - take course on geology, take course on corsetry, take course on pattern grading

Leisure activities

Sewing all my own clothes

Learn to grade clothes

Complete set of clothes for each decade from 1800

Who Am I? Where Do I Want to Be?

Two hard questions to answer, but ones which I need to face up to and then answer.

Who Am I?

So, who am I? 

On the surface, this is an easy question to answer - I'm me, I'm >>name<<, and so on. 

Or do I define myself by others - I'm the spouse of, the child of, the parent of, the sibling of someone...?

Or perhaps by what I do professionally. I'm a librarian, I'm a researcher, I'm a medievalist

Or by personal traits? I am a nerd, I am intense, I am focused, I am frustrating, I'm INTP

Or by ability/disability? I am autistic, I am arthritic, I am neurodivergent, I am disabled, I am dyslexic, I am a person with executive dysfunction, I'm someone with allergies/intolerances

Or by leisure activities? I am a reader, I am a music lover, I am a violist, I am a crafter, I am a sewer, I am a re-enactor, I'm a baker, I'm a cook, I'm a musician

Or by labels others have given, foisted on, or granted to me? Annoyance, Nuissance, Scarily organised (hah!), Weirdo, Wench, 

Or? You see, who am I is a lot more of a question than people think it is. And some of those things may also be hard to accept - for example, I am quite happy to say I have disabilities, but I feel very uncomfortable saying "I am disabled". Why are these two things different? What about things I love, used to do, and which I would like to do again, but yet currently don't do now. Am I still able to use those to define me?

So, given the above, why have I been spending so much time considering this whole anal naval gazing process? Put simply, because I'm a mimic, and with that I've realised I'm losing myself.

Mimicry

So what does mimicry mean in this context? Mimicry is an aspect, for me, of ASD. It means that I reflect other people's interests and ambitions, and can end up confusing their interests and desires with my own. It isn't intentional, but the more I've become aware of it, the more frustrating it's become for me. I've been using the COVID shutdown, and my own shut-in, to try to "bring myself together". One aspect of that is to force myself to figure out what I'm interested in because I love it, and what I'm into solely because someone else is (or was!). The posts I am planning on writing and releasing over the next few weeks, months, and possibly longer, are designed to focus on each of these things and to help me analyse what is ME in my likes and loves, and what should possibly be viewed more as an appreciation of another's love. 

Hopefully this will help my mental health a lot by enabling me to focus on suceeding on the ME things, and to gently put the "that's cool and interesting" things into a box in my head which is just enjoyment. I am now in my 40s, and we don't get to re-run this simulation - this life is what we get. I want to ensure that I make the most of what time I have by narrowing the focus for my skitterish brain.

Where Do I Want to Be?

As part of figuring all this out, I need to work out what are my personal ambitions. Destination is also an important part of self-definition. We can't be at a destination before we know how to get there, or even if it is possible to get there. Or do we even have a destination worked out? I want to go on holiday "abroad" compared to "I want to go to Europe" (better), "I want to go to France" (better again), or "I want to go to Toulouse"... 

We need two main things: A clear destination, and an idea of what route we would need to get there. 

To return to my holiday example: I can walk to Toulouse, or drive, go by train, or fly. Walking is impractical because of time - I wouldn't be there before I'd need to come home! Driving is a good idea, but I can't drive. I could fly, but I dislike the carbon emissions from flying, so I'd rather not, which leaves the train. OK. 

New Considerations: 

How much is a train ticket; 

Can I afford it or do I need save up; 

How long will it take to get there; 

Do I need to plan food; 

Can I carry what I need on public transport; 

What about changing / connecting trains; 

Crossing Paris or London with luggage

And all that is before one considers accommodation, booking train tickets, and what dates you are going to go! Let alone what to do when there, spending money, and so on...

So a more practical life example:

If I want to be able to consider myself a musician, then I need to... play my instrument. I need to practice, regularly. I need to consider whether I want to join a group, a symphonia, or an orchestra. Sometimes those goals need financial input, or time input to be achievable. So, using the above: 

My destination is to play in an amateur orchestra.

1. I need an instrument - this might involve researching costs, value for money, and saving up. What practice can I do before I get an instrument? Are there hire-purchase schemes through local shops, could I get a cheap-and-nasty while I save up? Perhaps I can work on bow posture, or sight reading, while I save.
2. I need to practice. Regularly. This will have to become a habit. I can't just play pretty tunes, I need to do theory, and scales, and other boring stuff too.
3. I need to put myself out there. Perhaps find a teacher
4. I then need to start looking for groups I can join. They won't come to me, I need to go find them, and ask to join. And then go!

Life is full of sequences like this. I can also look at those steps and say, actually, I just like playing tunes at home, and I have an instrument already. So I need to just play occasionally for fun or relaxation, and that's fine. Perhaps while I'd love to join an orchestra, I can't commit the time, or I can't physically undertake that amount of playing every week. That's OK. I can do as much as I want, how I want instead. And yes, I can still call myself a musician if I want!

Sometimes this process will be painful. Painful? Yes, because sometimes our self image isn't realistic and we discover we're not who we thought we were. Our self-definitions were inaccurate. And sometimes they're painful because we realise we can't do what we want, how we want, because of life limitations. I might want to up sticks and move to another country, but I won't get a visa, I don't have a desired occupation, or I have a partner who doesn't have the same dream. Sometimes compromise is necessary, but part of this process for me is going to be analysing where I'm open to compromise, and where I'm not. 

Returning once again to my holiday example:

I want to go to France, my partner wants to go to Germany. I want to see the Lascaux caves in Padirac, so I'm not willing to compromise on France. Or maybe I want nice dinners and a river, so I'm happy to look at Germany too. What about travel? I'm ambivalent over how we go, but carbon consumption is important to them, or they suffer from claustrophobia, so we choose to go by train. Life is about compromises, and learning what we can and can't compromise on. I'm intentionally not saying "willing to compromise", because I might be not be able to compromise on an aspect no matter how willing I am. I also want to emphasise to myself that this exercise is about trying to find where I can give, and where it's important to me that I don't, so while I might not want to compromise, I might need to in order to prioritise something else. 

Essential

Need

Desire

Would like

Nice to have

Prefer to have

Prefer not to have

Rather not

No

Definitely not

Absolutely not

Never

Life thoughts -- Rough Schedule

This is a rough schedule of the posts I am currently plannign to write, am writing, or have already written (posted or scheduled).

On Saturday I will be publishing the first in this Life Thoughts series, which will be on two big questions: "Who am I?", and, "Where do I want to be?", designed to help me focus my energies, spoons, and life goals more realistically. Not answering those questions, but explaining them as a framework for the rest of the series.

ASD in my life, in particular around specific impairments and/or adjustments I've made

• Executive dysfunction -- in progress.
• Being assessed, how to "de-mask", how to find an assessor, how the process was for me
• Co-morbidities

Academia

• Research goals - things I want to research myself
• Research interests - things I want to learn or understand, but am content just reading others' research
• vIMC commentary
• Study vs Appreciate, which subjects / areas go under which category
• Series on research progress
• Being AltAc

Crafting

• History-bounding -- in progress
• My periods
• Crafts for me
• Sewing plans
• Dream projects
• A series on project progress, including pre
• Gatherings - British Guild of Historical Costumers and other groups

Health & Personal bits

• Family, Infertility, IVF, and so on
• Mental health and ASD
• Disabled vs Impaired vs Having a disability
• Living arrangements
• Work/self/academic balancing

I plan to work on these as the whim takes me, but should anyone be reading this and want me to prioritise something in particular, do ask...

Start of the rest of my life

Long time no write. I've drafted a few posts, but not actually released them. As part of a general life overhaul thing, I'm going to stop that. Yes, one long-arse post will remain in draft for a fair while as fixing the code is an arse, but in general I need to get into the habit of just writing something each month at least. Will it always be "on brand"? Nope, but new habits only form if we do the thing!

So, what's up? With the pandemic, I've had the time to stop and think. I've been thinking a lot on two particular questions: "Who Am I?" and then "Where do I want to be?"

To this end, my plan for today is to start drafting a number of posts on various subjects investigating these questions, and then to schedule them for posting. I may need to go back and tidy some later, but the schedules will be set up well in advance. I will also need to decide how frequently to release them - too close and it's all a bit much, too far apart and it'll take a year to cover just my thoughts from this week! I'm thinking a theme a month, and then splitting them up into smaller posts maybe up to one a week. We shall see!

I'm also planning on having a weekly or monthly check-in post where I keep myself accountable (to me) on what I've achieved this week/month. Might be work stuff, crafty projects, some research, a new skill, house fixing, health progress, or more formal academics. Doesn't matter. The point is to get in the habit of saying "I did a thing!".

December - Planning for a New Year

Next year I will definitely be transferring to a new institution and starting again on a taught PG course. I attended one open day a week or so back, and am planning to attend another in the new year. Both are within an hour of home, so hopefully I'll be a lot less isolated than I was with my previous institution. Unfortunately I am not eligible for the Postgraduate Loans as I already have an MA - even though it's a "professional one". It's slightly irritating because I was ineligible for most types of funding when I took my original MA because it was classed as professional, and now I'm ineligible for the academic funding because said original MA is now too academic... ARGH!

Bloody typical! *sigh*

So, in practice that just means I'll continue part time.

When looking to go back to another more-local university I shortlisted 10 south-eastern institutions plus one near where TGO works. I don't really want to head back up there BUT it is a good university and a cheaper area to live, so... I put my inner-Aspie to work and have worked out a ranking for each institution and course based on a number of criteria.

Stage one: Identification

Seven institutions in and around London, with 10 courses that align with my academic interests;
One institution with two courses near TGO
Three general South-East institutions with six courses aligning. Some other south-eastern region institutions were not short-listed at this point due to accessibility (I don't drive) or lack of relevant courses.

Stage 2: Ranking

1. Course titles:
• Plain History couses were ranked lower than one that was either specifically "medieval" or which was designed as a Historical Research degree as I felt those would be of greater benefit to my future studies.
2. Course type:
• MA = 2 points, vs MRes = 1 point. This was because I felt I will benefit from more support at this stage.
3. Dissertation lengths:
• These were simply ranked by length, with a longer dissertation gaining more points because it usually reflected a lesser number of optional modules.
• A shorter dissertation but more modules I deemed equally beneficial as a longer dissertation with less optional modules, assuming suitable support within the department.
4. Compulsory modules:
• A specific "Research skills" module was ranked most highly, with thematic overview modules ranking second. Other compulsory modules weren't ranked as I see these as 'things that I must complete' in contrast to 'things I find most beneficial'. 
5. Optional modules:
• Optional modules were harder to rank, so I decided to award 2 points to any optional module that I felt would be directly relevant to any future research I undertake.
• Subsequent optional modules which would be useful in developing technique, contextual awareness, and so on, were given 1 point each.
6. Language support:
• I want a university that at minimum offers support and training in medieval Latin. Other relevant languages are a bonus, especially Middle English. Therefore Latin support and tuition was given 2 points, other relevant languages got 1, and irrelevant languages (to me) weren't noted.
7. Cost:
• Cost is always relevant, like it or not. Despite being mostly interested in part-time study, I ranked on full-time fees in part because not all institutions provided clear part-time fees.
• Costs were ranked inversely, meaning a £10k/per annum cost was 1 point, and a £1k per annum cost would be 10 points. I used decimals here because there is a lot of difference between a £5000/yr and a £5700/yr cost.

Following this I decided to add in some additional adjustments to rankings based on some extra criteria.

1. Part-time:
• Not all institutions were clear that they offered their courses with a part-time option. I ranked those which clearly stated the existence of any part-time options as +1.
  
  This fed into adjustment 2...
2. Tuition times:
• Offering part-time tuition is one thing, offering ACCESSIBLE part-time tuition is another thing entirely! Many institutions weren't clear on how their times would adjust to someone who needs to continue working, and were mostly adjusted to accommodate those who had more flexible outside demands.
• For 5 points, I ranked most highly those who offered evening tuition (one institution)
• For 3 points, I ranked second those who offered tuition adjusted to work patterns, e.g. on one day or on specific afternoons.
• This bias comes from my MA LIS, where Monday had most/all compulsory modules and optional modules on a rotating basis (i.e. Year 1 had 50% available, with the other 50% available on that day during Year 2). This meant that our part-timers had everything accessible on a day-release basis.
• If an employed person wants to take a course, it is easier to negotiate a specific work pattern with their employer (e.g. longer hours Tues - Fri, swapping Weds for Saturday, and so on) than needing 2 hours on Monday morning, and an early finish on Thursdays for Term 1, then Wednesdays in term 2, and so on.
• Those institutions who didn't specify, or which had timetables showing classes all across the times and days were ranked 0 as they were unhelpful to me. Some of these courses might have actually been available as a 3-point option, but they were really not helpful!
• Only two institutions got any points here. One who only offer evening tuition, and one who offer a "flexible study-pattern" option. That was depressing!
3. Palaeography
• One angle on my future research plans involves extensive palaeographical work. I therefore would prefer an institution that offers palaeographical training and support. Some institutions didn't offer a named Palaeography course, but did offer Manuscript Studies or Training, which I viewed as a lesser-but-still-good version of Palaeography.
• Palaeography courses were ranked +2, Manuscript studies courses were ranked +1, and courses without either got +0.

Stage 3: Results

Surprisingly, the course nearest to TGO's work got the highest rank, despite me not wanting to live there again. That was definite food for thought. They do offer part-time, I know from talking to past students that they are willing to be quite flexible on attendance (caused by working) providing you complete the work. They are also based within walking distance of the office I would have to transfer to.

There were four institutions and five courses which scored 25 points or more on my scale. Maximum points would have been 30-35 points depending on how long an optimal dissertation would be. I'll call these institutions B, M, R and U

M scored 27.5, having the best compulsory options, and second best optional modules. It offers palaeography and 2 languages but doesn't have optimal part-time study timings. Its fees are high.

B scored 27.4. Its compulsory options were a bit mediocre but it currently has some great and good optional modules. It offers both palaeography AND manuscript studies, but only Latin. It offers awesome tuition times as all its relevant classes are in the early evening. Its fees are moderate.

R scored 25.4 for one course and 25 for another (a third scored 22.5). It has good compulsory courses and solidly interesting and relevant optional modules. R offers palaeography and Latin, but no other languages and has an innovative flexible option allowing you to spread your course over more than two years. I have no idea how that would work in practice, so I will need to visit them soon to discuss how it would pan out for me. The fees are the best of the top courses.

U scored 25.2. U has less compulsory modules overall, but makes up by having the best optional modules on offer allowing a more customised course. It only offers manuscript studies not palaeography but offers many relevant languages in addition to Latin. Its tuition times sucked, but there is a part-time option. The main negative for U was the extremely high tuition fees. Removing tuition fees from consideration (not possible in reality!) would bump it up above both courses at R.

U and B have an additional advantage in that they are part of a wider network of institutions which sometimes permit sharing of modules BUT that would always be dependant on tuition times for me.

In all cases it was assumed that the options as advertised now would be available when I took the course. This is never guaranteed, of course!

April - Am I a Fool?

Well I survived my viva, and I wasn't kicked out or told to go away. I do have corrections, but with plenty of time to do them in, so unpressured. I have a broad outline of the changes they want me to make, and I'm fairly happy with them.

• Chapter 1 needs "tightening", although I await their detailed comments to know exactly how they want that to be achieved. One area I do know they want, is for me to mention more of my background reading for the prime reason of letting it show in the bibliography. Slightly tedious, but it's no skin off my nose to do it, so I'm happy.
    
• Chapter 3 they want to see my own transcriptions alongside my translations. I had originally had mine in, but wasn't happy with them and lacked time to redo them. I am actually looking forward to having a good reason to go at that bit again :)
   
• Chapters 4 & 5 they felt would be better merged. Chapter 5 was, in my opinion, the most clunky of the whole thesis, so of all the ones to pick on, that's the one that I am least attached to in it's current form.

Overall, I accept their criticisms, especially as something that will not only strengthen this thesis, but stand me in good stead for the PhD as well.

Plans:

1. Work on paper for Borderlines in Dublin - just over a fortnight away now so I need to get cracking. Currently reading up on opinions on chantry foundations as I don't want to get wrong assumptions that will kill my logic.
    
2. Work on paper for EMREM in Birmingham - this is broadly the same area as the Dublin paper, but from a slightly different angle. Hoping to get some good questions in Dublin to bring into this paper. Regardless, I need it close to done before I go to Ireland as it's easier for me to amend than write.
    
3. Go through detailed revisions notes once received from the examiners (probably next week).
4. Think seriously on getting myself Chartered Librarian status over the next 12 months while I have the opportunity. It's mostly portfolio-of-current-work so I'd be surprised if it impinged on studies.

Other stuff:

TGO put in for a transfer to a long-term project nearer to me, so keeping my fingers crossed about that. Having just spent a week up with him after my viva I'm badly missing the chit-chat that you have when someone's in the same room/house as you.

Counting pennies to see if I can afford Leeds this year. I really want to go, but not sure about finances.

MA to PhD:

I have up to 12 months to resubmit.
I can start the PhD in either January or September following a pass.
Supervisor is on research leave from September 2016 for 3 years.
So,
Get as much rewritten before September so I can get full feedback from her along the way.
Find a second internal supervisor, probably from History since my Principal Supervisor is from English.
Focus on LIFE bits to get them processed ASAP and thus completed within that 12 months as well
Aiming to restart September 2017, as January 2017 is a bit close for the entire process from corrections through the External examiner to acceptance, in my opinion.

~~

Revisiting my old plans from October...:

1. Make Christmas presents - sloe gin and maybe a flavoured vodka again.
   Made damson vodka instead. Had the flavoured vodka from last year as a NYE drink and loved it, so I now want to make more!
2. Rewrite my paper for Borderlines into an article. The paper didn't feel like it 'worked' well, to me, so I really want to go back to it, pull it apart and fix it.
   Still a plan, still not happened. Maybe in May/June
3. Create the database I'll need for the PhD research - I can't assume I'll fail miserably, so I'm just going to get on with it.
   Postponed for 9 months or so
4. Start databasing some of the data for my PhD - it will need doing some time
   As above. Concentrating on getting the MA thesis "right"
5. Read for fun - novels and non-research nonfiction
   Aiming at 1-2 books a month, but have also upped my intake of short stories.
6. Do some sewing - I have patterns for a dress, top and a skirt I want to make, and now I have the time. (Simplicity 3847, New Look 6808, Simplicity 3673)
   Made Mum a peg bag for Mothering Sunday (she asked for one). Not started on clothes yet. Current bad excuse is that I need a tailor's dummy - I either need to stump up or shut up on that one really.
7. Join an exercise class, or a dance class. Maybe belly dancing! Something to get me fit, but without boring me senseless, like I find I get in a gym.
   Um, oops
8. Level all my Warcraft characters to 100. What, I never said I wasn't a geek!
   10/11 on main account. Secondary account lapsed due to finances for now.

February post

Nothing much to add this month. Currently stuck waiting for a gas man for the second day running - just what I wanted to do on my week off!

Still waiting on my MA thesis - even if all is well, I'm now not expecting to start the PhD before Easter at the earliest.

I'd hit a hiatus in research reading because I'd tied myself into mental knots. How? Well, I'd got into the loop of what should I be reading on - further depth for MA thesis, or onwards into reading for the PhD. I think that I'd convinced myself that A) I shouldn't read more for the MA thesis because I shouldn't change where I was (Hmm!), and B) I shouldn't read for the PhD yet because I'd jinx it (Double hmm!). I exasperate myself.

This week I've consciously been trying to break that and start reading again regardless, and it's working.

Currently reading: Peters / Patterns of piety.

Plans for February:
 Quadrivium in Leicester
 Kathryn Rudy lecture in Cambridge.

Slightly late December post

Still trying to get into the habit of a monthly posting. This month is a bit late because I keep getting distracted by other things, as usual...

No response regarding my MA thesis yet, which means that without a minor miracle I definitely won't be starting in January! Unless I get it back with 0 corrections (unlikely IMO!) there is no way for me to receive comments, act on them, AND get them checked by one of the assessors. Accepting that as a fact, I need to keep working forwards...

So, I need a plan for the next six months. Obviously things can change, and hopefully will, but I find it is easier to deal with uncertainty with a plan in hand. Yes, even a plan which may never happen!

Six Month Plan (Not enough of a Russianist now to do 5 Year ones!)

• Fun Craft
• Duct-tape Dressmaker's Dummy
• Current patterns: 
• Skirt (Simplicity 3847)
• Dress (Simplicity 3673)
• Top (New Look 6808)
• Bake a monthly cake
• 
  
• Victorian Ball - I'd love to attend the 2016 Victorian Ball in Bath. The theme this year is "Crinolines". I own almost nothing that would be of use! I do adore costume history and living history though, so it's a great "off duty" plan to construct/sew/buy...
  
• Health
• Do more/some exercise

Work is stable, so time to work on personal life. TGO and I have been living apart due to work for 18 months now and it sucks. Time to use the breathing space to work on that.

I made Damson vodka on the weekend. Unfortunately I now have to wait until at least the summer before it's ready to drink... I still want to try my hand at sloe gin, but I'm struggling to get hold of sloes as they don't grow within walking distance of home and I don't drive.

I need a new corset for the Victorian Ball, so if I'm not paying fees in January, I plan to put them towards a 3 day corsetry course. It's pricy, but at the end of it you have a customised Victorian-style corset to take home. The one I'm looking at includes materials. My main concern is where I'd stay while it's on, as I can't expect a lift there and back every day

October

Rabbits and hares and white rabbits.

It's October, and a lovely autumn day here. I'm sitting in my office at work looking out of the window and there's a lovely sunshine out there right now. The leaves on the walk home are also a fabulous colour which really cheers me up.

Academically I'm in limbo stage, but still a student. As I understand it, here is how things go from here. Bear in mind this is for the MA by Research NOT the PhD.

• Submit hard copy (with all the forms) - DONE
• Hard copies are sent to my internal and external reviewers - probably going to be sent next week, I was told.
• Both reviewers have about 8 weeks to turn around their feedback.
• I receive the feedback and have one of about 5 results
• Pass with no amendments
• Minor amendments (e.g. typos, small changes to specific areas)
• Major amendments (e.g. rewrite sections, add in X element)
• Revise and resubmit (End to end revision and resubmission as a semi-new thesis)
• Fail
• I respond to the result, and act accordingly.
• Pass (unlikely)
• Minor - edit, resubmit within 3 months, sent back to internal examiner to accept
• Major - edit, resubmit within 6 months, sent back to external examiner to accept
• Revise and resubmit - edit, resubmit within 1 year, restart review process
• Fail - no PhD place
• Viva is unlikely but a slim possibility, mostly if an examiner wishes clarification on an area covered OR you are borderline failing (do you know your stuff just can't write for toffee?!).
• I start the PhD (unless FAIL), 1st of the month after the thesis is accepted (HOPEFULLY January 2016).

So until at least November I can do nothing except wait, which is completely nerve-wracking.

Right now I've got student status for the year, but no fees to pay until accepted or not. Financially this is nice as it means we can save the money for other important stuff (#1, finish fixing the house!).

Despite this, I cannot just stop dead. Here's my plans for the next few months:

• Make Christmas presents - sloe gin and maybe a flavoured vodka again.
• Rewrite my paper for Borderlines into an article. The paper didn't feel like it 'worked' well, to me, so I really want to go back to it, pull it apart and fix it.
• Create the database I'll need for the PhD research - I can't assume I'll fail miserably, so I'm just going to get on with it.
• Start databasing some of the data for my PhD - it will need doing some time
• Read for fun - novels and non-research nonfiction
• Do some sewing - I have patterns for a dress, top and a skirt I want to make, and now I have the time. (Simplicity 3847, New Look 6808, Simplicity 3673)
• Join an exercise class, or a dance class. Maybe belly dancing! Something to get me fit, but without boring me senseless, like I find I get in a gym.
• Level all my Warcraft characters to 100. What, I never said I wasn't a geek!

If I fail? To be honest, I'm going to do the research anyway, but I'll have less support etc. I am doing this for the pleasure, not as a career move, so why on earth would I stop doing something I already enjoy?

The International Medieval Congress in 2016 (Leeds)

Last Updated: 27 August 2015

For my own interest I'm gathering together here a list of any Calls for Papers (CfP) for the IMC 2016 in Leeds. The individual paper closing date is 31 August 2015.

31 Aug 2015	The Dominican Order in the Middle Ages	Ordernsgeschichte
31 Aug 2015	Academic Englishes and Academia in the Making: Who Will Write the Middle Ages and How?	Zsuzsanna Reed, CEU
1 Sept 2015	Artisans of the book and collaborative working methods	Manuscript Collaboration Hub
1 Sept 2015	The Long Lives of Medieval Art and Architecture	Amanda Dotseth, Courtauld Institute of Art / AVISTA
8 Sept 2015	Food, Feast and Famine, 3 sessions proposed	Royal Studies Network
10 Sept 2015	Topic: Names & Onomastics	Dictionary of Medieval Names from European Sources
10 Sept 2015	Session proposals for ICMA (ICMA members only) – scroll down	Janis Elliott / ICMA
11 Sept 2015	The Animal Turn in Medieval Health Studies	Sunny Harrison, Leeds
14 Sept 2015	Eating the Book: Manuscripts and Reading Habits in Anglo-Saxon England (Image)	Rachel Burns (UCL) & Francis Leneghan (Oxford)
15 Sept 2015	Interactions among towns and leagues of towns in the long thirteenth century	Dr Gianluca Raccagni
15 Sept 2015	Rethinking the Medieval Frontier	Jonathan Jarrett
15 Sept 2015	The Monastic Refectory and Spiritual Food	CESM
15 Sept 2015	2 sessions: Food and Feast in Medieval Outlaw Texts Ecocritical Outlaws	Kristin Bovaird-Abbo & Lesley A. Coote / IAHRS
ASAP or 15 Sept 2015	The Medieval Landscape/Seascape (blog)	Kimm Curran (Glasgow)
ASAP or 15 Sept 2015	New Directions in the Study of Women Religious (4 sessions)	Kimm Curran (Glasgow) & Kirsty Day (Leeds) & Steven Vanderputten (Ghent)
20 Sept 2015	Medieval Equestrianism: Theory and Practice	Anastasija Ropa & Timothy Dawson
[Unspecified]	Topic: Letters to Women (panel), esp. Letters to Jewish or Muslim women	@KRMaude
[Unspecified]	Medieval Ecocriticism	Heide Estes / Medieval Ecocriticisms
[Unspecified]	"If anyone is interested in putting up sessions for the International Medieval Congress at Leeds [...] under the auspices of the IPPS, please contact us."	Piers Plowman Society
[Unspecified]	Food + Death / Food in Death / Food + Wills	@Emy_Pica
30 Sept 2015	IMC Committee Deadline for Organisers of Sessions / Panels
[Closed]	Murder and Mayhem: Disorder and Violence in Italy 568-1154	---
[Closed]	Feast or Famine? What Presence did the Bible Really Have in Medieval Spiritual Writings?	The Society for the Study of the Bible in the Middle Ages
[Closed]	Mastering Knowledge and Power: Bishops, Schools and Political Engagement in Early Medieval Europe (650-1050)	Giorgia Vocino & Giacomo Vignodelli
[Closed]	Slavery in the Medieval World (PDF)	"Medieval Slavery" project
[Closed]	The Separation of Church and Church Bishops and their Communities in the Carolingian Era (8th-10th c.) (Thematic session)	SFB Visions of Community & the Network for the Study of Late Antique and Early Medieval Monasticism
[Closed]	Debating Relics: Reflections on Relics in the Middle Ages and Problems of Methodology	"Mind over Matter" project
[Closed]	Setting the Table: Medieval Tablescapes, Dining, and the Visual Culture of Food (scroll down) (Facebook)	Meg Bernstein / ICMA Student Committee

Any more I've missed? Leave a comment, or tweet @MEM_PG_Confs with the details.

#IMC2016.

Self-Doubt

"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by." 

~ Douglas Adams (Simpson, 2003)

---

Or perhaps I ought to quote Britney with “Oops, I did it again!” but that’s a shuddersome thought, so I shall NOT go there *fingers in ears, whistling*

I am good at talking myself out of doing things because I doubt myself to the point where I convince myself it’s pointless trying. It is something about myself I am trying my hardest to stop now that I’ve caught myself doing it, and I’m realising it’s a fault I’ve been guilty of over most of my life so it’s going to be a hard habit to break, but ultimately one I NEED to fix.

So far this year I have not done many things I wanted to do. This is pathetic and I must fix it.
To self shame, here is my list of things I've not done because I've talked myself out of it. Some are retrievable and I WILL do so.

• Applied to Manchester (MA / MRes) 
• Applied to Leeds (MRes) 
• Applied to Trinity St. David’s (MA) 
• Contacted Birmingham (MRes) 
• Applied for an awesome Institutional Repository job 
• Applied for another half dozen jobs

It’s June, that means 6 months of this year gone. I need to be realistic and pragmatic, but I also need to take some risks. Not bad risks, just to try things that might fail. I’ve made a small start – I have applied to some jobs which are probably beyond my reach (Hi there Oxbridge), which would be dream opportunities for me. Not all of this has been self-doubt and procrastination though – I’ve lost the last two weekends to in-law deaths and big figure family birthdays, which I things I have to acknowledge as being beyond my control.

I will say though, that more and more jobs are fibbing about what is Essential vs. Desirable. It used to be (or at least it seemed that way), that if you met all the essentials, you would get a call to interview, but now it seems that unless you also meet ALL the desirables, you’re not really in with a chance. Either that or every single job I’ve applied for over the last year or so has had someone already in mind, which I doubt!

My plan to stop dithering:

1. Complete MRes draft by Next weekend – all the background is done, the reading that isn’t complete can be done after I’ve passed it to Potential Supervisor #1 for commentary
   Problems to solve – “I’m not good enough!” “My research idea is poor!” “They’ll laugh at me” and “But it’s not perfect!” 
2. Apply for a job per week – if I don’t get interviews, I don’t get interviews, but it’s practice at selling myself
   Problems to solve – “I’m not good enough!” “My experience is insufficient!” “I don’t know how to describe how I know it” 
3. Fill in applications for Manchester(s) and TSD
   Problems – Pretty much as for #1 
4. Contact Potential Supervisor #2 – while doing background reading I noticed that two people who are/have been researching related aspects had both had the same PhD supervisor in the last couple of years. I will send Draft to her and ask whether they feels this is an area they could supervise.
   Problems to solve – All of #1 PLUS “They won’t want to talk to someone like me!” and “They won’t even bother to reply”

Initial responses to my internal wibblings:

“I’m not good enough!”
I have a good (2:1) undergraduate degree from a perfectly good university and an MA from prestigious one. I am passionate and interested.

“My research idea is poor!”
That is what the submission of the first draft to supervisor will challenge (either me or the idea!)

“They’ll laugh at me” / “They won’t want to talk to someone like me!”
If they do, I won’t go there, but most academics I have spoken to have been positive and encouraging. The only knockbacks have actually been from administrators at a general level, or from other faculties (i.e. ones I wasn’t interested in anyway!)

“They won’t even bother to reply”
That has only happened once, and I probably didn’t approach the situation in the correct way. This time I have spoken to Academic #1 in person (who asked me to send a draft), and I will contact #2 with draft so that there is something to discuss rather than a vague “I’d like to study with you”.

“But it’s not perfect!”
It won’t be – I have to just deal with that fact!

“I’m not good enough!”
Try, learn, try again, learn more

“My experience is insufficient!”
13 years post graduation is NOT insufficient (in general)! Work with The Ginger One to practice elaborating on what I have done so that I bring out the skills I’ve learnt.

“I don’t know how to describe how I know it”
Practice. Work with TGO to sell myself more positively. Keep a running list of “things wot I ‘ave done”, especially for vague concepts like Project Management, Working through Change, etc.

Added bonus one:

“It’s too late in the year”
Then the application will be for NEXT September or a January start. Get it in, get sorted out, get the place secured as early as possible instead of rushing.

---

Simpson, M.J. (2003) Hitchhiker : a biography of Douglas Adams

Motivation

Motivational assistance from elsewhere...:

1st Century Skills / Will Richardson
Get Your Goals and Projects out of Your Head and onto Paper / Tanya Golash-Boza
Almost anything from Stupid Motivational Tricks.

This is probably going to be one of those posts I add things to as I find them, and is mostly for my own reference, but ideas are gratefully received...

Something I want to write

Over the past few days I've been gradually reading this post and it's comments at Tor.com*. One folk medievalism that keeps coming up is 'but there were no Black people in medieval Europe'. This is wrong, I know it is wrong, even if we ignore such probable fallacies as the Mullato Queen. So, I'd love to write a simple article outlining why this is wrong, and providing evidence with some indisputable primary sources, so that when I see this ARGH being stated next I can say "Here, read this, you are wrong mistaken and here is the evidence". It's not my area of expertise, so it'd be more like an article giving primary sources that are online and citing the real experts for those who care enough to want to read further.

In reality this will only happen if I get ahead of myself this summer. I am already in the middle of writing up a lot of my old research and cross-checking old quotes and evidence to see if it still says what I read it as saying last time... In between all that I have my Coursera coursework to do each week (Note, I need to finish Through the Looking Glass tomorrow). Still not sure what on earth to write as I HATE writing essays without a theme or title... Oh and I have 3 jobs I want to apply for as Awesome Job 1. I didn't get shortlisted for, and Awesome Job 2 still hasn't replied, so I shall assume a negative there too**. Lastly there is Project Get Fit to work on. Being overweight makes some physical disabilities I have a LOT more painful so I am using the time I am away this summer to kick start me getting fitter so that I don't make myself get worse. So yeah, lots of stuff to get on with... Good job I don't like being bored! :)

Link for evidence:
TNA: Black Presence exhibition - Elizabeth I
TNA: Black Presence exhibition - John Blanke (Henry VII & VIII)
TNA: Black Presence exhibition - Moors in Scotland
*Long comment thread is LONG, k!
** As as aside, I really wish that when you send in applications electronically, the receiving institution would reply. It would take a simple MailMerge, cost nothing and take very little time once set up, and yet would create goodwill and let those who are applying for 3+ jobs a day know when they have wasted their time. Leaving you to assume is horrid and rather rude, plus it assumes that your contact for the successful candidates has arrived. I always worry that our post has gone walkabout AGAIN if I don't hear from someone or something in a reasonable time.

Exposing the Truth about cleanliness in the Middle Ages

This is my original premise regarding Hygiene in the Middle Ages. It has evolved since it was written back in about 2005, but it is useful (for me at least!) to see where I started from.

It was originally inspired by a comment in a book about the history of cookery, Food and Drink in Britain from the Stone Age to Recent Times by C. Anne Wilson. Wilson decided to deal with each food type separately, rather than giving an overview of, say, Roman food then 'Dark Ages' food. I was intrigued by a mention of problems with wood meaning that less was available for non-essential uses to preserve it for more important functions like cooking. 

This sparked the question in my head as I thought back to studying Latin Culture at school and remembered visiting villas like Fishbourne and Bignor, and later studying Brading. Each of these sites had highly developed hypocaust systems and bath houses. This just sat in the back of my head until I was taking part in a re-enactment event with friends, and a member of the public commented that "well, everyone knows medieval people were smelly". I'm not good at just accepting assumptions, and started digging around for evidence to either corroborate or deny this. More on this later.

To investigate the role of personal hygiene and cleanliness in the Middle Ages – from the departure of the Romans to the coming of the Tudors


Limits:

Britain -> England 410 – 1485 = over 1000 years Bathing; toilets and teeth Gentry and nobility

1. Hygiene in literature
   1. Chaucer; Pizan; de Troyes etc.
   2. Romances
   3. Salacious tales / Satirical / Aesop-esque
   4. Manuscript illustration?
2. Hygiene and religion
   1. Ancrene wisse
   2. Hagiography for saintly lives
   3. Papal edicts – any mention / lack of mention?
   4. Monastic rules
   5. Contemporary satire and criticism?
   6. Knighting ceremonies?
3. Royal hygiene
   1. E.g. Last days of Queen Isabella contains bath details – look for similar records
   2. Architecture of royal palaces => contemporary accounts, maps, plans etc.
4. Architecture and hygiene (castles and manors)
   1. Toilets and garderobes
   2. Bath houses
   3. Maps and plans (as for Royal palaces)
5. Archaeological evidence
   1. Toothbrushes and other oral hygiene equipment
   2. Hygiene and personal care objects recovered
6. Other mentions in contemporary documentation.

Where am I now?

So where am I now with regards to research? What has changed?

Current topics

• The history of personal hygiene in the wider Middle Ages
• Medievalism and the modern perception of the Medieval period
• Rosaries
• The source of the concept of the filthy Middle Ages

Future (near and distant)
This covers areas which interest me, but which either I don't have the time or skill (yet?) to research, or which I am looking into incidentally to other research

• National and social insults - "Filthy viking marauders", "effete Italians", "impassive Germans" and so on...
• Links between Muscovy/Rus and the British Isles - mostly interested in the elite and trading links
• The Varangarians
• Women's roles in borderlands - especially looking at the Welsh Marches, how women interacted across the borders in times of peace and war, cross border relationships etc.
• The daughters of Yaroslav the Wise.
• The place and role of women in medieval court life.
• Pre-modern Royal ladies-in-waiting - who were they, what did they actually do, what happened to them once their mistresses moved on, either through marriage, political deposition of their husband, or death?
• Women in Russian folklore - Rusalka, Baba Yaga, Vasilissa Prekrasnaia - roles, actions and importance
• Folklore and historicity, e.g. Continuing from my BA thesis and looking at the links between Russian folklore and real historical periods (i.e. Do folk tales represent an era, an idealised era, etc.)

Some posts will be a short series outlining my thinking on each of these. My intention is that these will serve as indexes to thinking each subject, although I will use tags for indexing as well (The Librarian in me goes deep ;D)