Why I Prefer Travelling by Train

 I've decided to develop on one aspect of my previous post regarding why I find train travel to be enabling.

Train travel

Stressors when travelling by train:

• Packing what I need in a way I can carry
• Ensuring that I have bought my ticket and reservation
• Having my passport, and not losing it in transit
• Ensuring that I am at the station in sufficient time to get on it
• Ensuring that I am on the correct train, carriage, and seat
• Finding my booked seat (and potentially removing people sitting in it)
• Making any connections if the train is delayed.
• Keeping my luggage secure while travelling
• Carrying my bags - always plural because I like to pack for contingencies!
• Passport control on arrival - illogical panic of "will they let me in?"
• If disembarking at an intermediate stop, being prepared and ready to get off promptly as the train can't wait for me to realise where I am

Calming aspects:

• The long "transition" time, which allows me many hours (or even days if on a sleeper) to adjust to the new location and language.
  This was the new big revelation for me... 
• Trains usually have many toilets
• More space at your seat - especially if you have a table seat - allowing physical comfort and the ability to do calming activities like colouring or reading
• Easier access to in-journey baggage - if I can get into my bag more easily I can change what I'm doing, whereas on a plane getting into the overhead locker can be problematic
• Interesting views out of the window
• Less stress over "forbidden" items, like phones, chargers etc.
• It's actively encouraged to bring your own food, or there may be a restaurant car in longer distance trains
• Being able to bring and use "my" water bottle all through the journey
• No DVT risks because you can always get up and move around whenever you want/need.
• Better travel information - not only do most train stations have clear and repeated signage, but they often share the information proactively on travel apps so you can track your journey as it happens
• Train stations are more likely to be centrally located within cities, and can be within walking distance of your accommodation
• If you miss your train, whether by your own actions or a connection delay, most railway staff are willing to proactively help you to change your bookings to allow you to complete your journey without incurring extra costs
• When changing trains you can experience the city you are in without major administrative hassle
• Passport control is frequently done on the train while it is moving across the border, reducing or removing the need to stand in long queues on arrival, and staff are also less stressed

Aeroplane travel

Stressors:

• Packing what is needed within weight limits
• Trusting someone else to not damage my luggage in transit
• Trusting someone else to ensure that my luggage arrives when and where I do
• Being certain that I do have the right tickets etc. for travel
• Getting to the airport (ironically usually by train for me)
• Checking in on time at the airport
• Finding the right gate
• Cost of food / drink at the airport
• Having enough water, but not too much, and not being comfortable using "my" bottle in case it gets confiscated
• Being surrounded by stressed out people
• Border security - can be frightening, especially if searched
• Making sure I have support socks to avoid DVT
• Pressure to find your seat really quickly because the aeroplane can't leave until everyone is seated.
• Cramped seating
• Lack of knowledge of when, whether, or what food will be served in flight - flying Business Class can help with that.
• Difficulty of accessing personal items in bags during the flight
• Reduced ability to move about
• Nothing to look at most of the time 
• Not easy to have any meaningful interaction with interchange cities as hard to leave the airport even on multi-hour layovers

Calming aspects:

• Less time for things to go wrong
• Can arrange pick up and drop off collection at the destination
• Language barriers are less as airports usually provide information in most major languages, and have staff available to assist in those languages - important when your travel companions are not linguistically-inclined. 
• Simpler journeys
• less likely to need connections 
• flights are usually point to point
• less chance of getting off at the wrong stop, because there is only one
• Single destination means more organised disembarkation, and no risk of being left behind on the aeroplane

Reflection

Sometimes which method I choose is based on the importance of a specific stressor/calming effect in that specific instance. If money is an issue, and when isn't it, then acknowledgding the stressors of flying and building in accommodations becomes necessary. 

Accommodations I try to use now when flying to a destination, or in a holiday where flying is necessary:

• Flying business class if financially viable
• less stress over check in as queue opens first
• choice of food
• more space
• quiet lounge spaces
• priority boarding - less stress over finding seat in time
•  Not being ashamed to ask for support on arrival at the airport 
• Escort through security
• Using sunflower lanyard to communicate needs
• Advocating for my need for a support person nearby 
• Accepting priority boarding if offered
• Using digital check-ins to reduce people contact in high stress areas
• Arriving at the airport as early as possible so that I can get through the stressful parts as quickly and early as possible.
• Booking collection at Arrivals and a return journey to the airport so I don't have to worry about that.
• Ensuring that my accommodation is close by where I want to be/visit. If I'm going to a city, staying in the centre, if I'm going to an event then staying at or as close as possible to the event.
• Allowing 1-2 "reset" days on arrival and return. I can do it, but I'm going to be stressed, so I give myself grace to need wibble time.
• Flying at less popular times of day - e.g. leaving early morning, and returning late at night.
• Morning flights out mean less time during the day to get stressed, it's just get up and go. I can also usually check in straight away, and then go out for a quiet wander around where I am staying.
• For short visits, quiet wandering is very restorative especially in the evening
• Evening flights home mean less worrying about having time to eat breakfast, check out, and get to the airport. I now can check out on time (or even late if offered), leave my baggage in the hotel, have a lazy last day, and to eat properly before heading to the airport to check in.
• Avoiding accommodation with lots of partying / drinking. I know I'm going to be low on spoons, so loud noises are likely to stress me more. Picking my accommodation carefully with that in mind is important.
• If I want to visit somewhere as part of my journey, conserving spoons for travelling days is vital, so sometimes booking tours instead of visiting places independently can allow me to hoard those spoons and enjoy the destination more.

Reasonable Adjustments and the Problem of Knowing

 Reasonable adjustments are a funny thing - often it's hard to know what we need. For those of us who were undiagnosed until adulthood we've often either don't realise things we do are actually adjustments, or we don't understand the underlying reasons for a preference... Add in generations of undiagnosed and unsupported family, many of us have family ways of doing things that are actually adjustments.

Some examples:

Finances

I struggle with budgeting because I forget important payments that are due. My maternal grandmother, in retrospect, also had problems in a similar way. What I learned from her was to put my money into pots for important expenses that couldn't be skipped - literal pots in her case - so she had a Rent pot, a Food money pot, and so on. Yes, I can do that digitally now, but it took a long time to realise that it was an adjustment.

Travel

I have always preferred to travel by train, which I thought was just because I grew up going on holiday by train as my father was a railwayman so we had discounted travel. I thought I loved trains because he did, and it was just something we shared. A conversation this week with my spouse has led to some suprising-to-me revelations!

For me, it transpires that the reason why I find train travel so much less stressful is not just habituation from my childhood! Travelling abroad by train has much less stressors for me compared to flying.

Clothing

School uniforms were awesome, so finding a personal "work uniform" has been essential. Working from home it's a t-shirt and shorts/trousers with a soft bra, and when I was working onsite I had 2 pairs of identical jeans, which I rotated, half a dozen identical tops (3/4 sleeve black t-shirts), infinite identical black socks - no need to even hunt to make a pair, and the same shoes every day. Having the same clothes was one less stressor in the morning for getting ready to go to work.

Patterns Longlist

This is my longlist of patterns that I own and want to make. I'm going to list them by Pattern Company, in no particular order of plans, preferences, printing, or whether I own the fabric etc. yet. I also own some menswear patterns, but I am not intending to list those at present.

Why? 

Because this is intended just as a list of what I have. Over time I may link to images or post about specific items, or otherwise indicate that I have made a particular pattern up. 

Currency of information?

I'll try to always keep a Last Edited date at the bottom of this post, as I intend it to be a reference list to be updated over time, and not stay static. How frequently I update this may be very changeable!

Black Snail

• 0219 - Regency dress (front fasten), Apron & fichu
• 0319 - Empire Spencer / Redingote
• 0414 - 1890s Fan skirt
• 0417 - 1830s Corset & underwear
• 0615 - Romantic era bonnet and pellerine
• 0815 - Cycling bloomers
• 0816 - Edwardian blouse
• 1115 - Victorian underwear

Charm Patterns

I'm a Patreon member for Charm, so I have a LOT of patterns via the tier I'm in. Charm patterns are also designed to be mix-and-match, meaning a bodice can be matched to existing dress or skirt patterns.

• Artist apron dress
• Audrey cigarette pants
• Barbie dress
• Barbie top
• Brooklyn jacket
• Carousel dress (and Sewrena's modifications)
• Circle skirt
• Cobbler dress
• Dagger collar - expansion
• Gardner top
• Ginger sailor pants/shirts
• Grace dress bodice
• Hostess lounge set
• Lady Dandy waistcoat
• Lizbeth ragland top
• Loretta shorts
• Lucille dungarees/trousers
• Lucy hostess gown
• Maria dress
• Mariner top
• Mary sun hat
• Millicent skirt
• Peggy dress bodice
• Pep Rally skirt
• Peter Pan bolero
• Picnic top
• Rita blouse
• Rose dressing gown expansion (to the Princess Coat)
• Scout capelet
• Scout dress
• Skipper bodysuit
• Society gown (long and short versions)
• Sophia dress
• Stanwyck bodice and collar expansion
• Swing coat
• Turner cardigan
• Uniform dress
• Waspie corset belt1

Embonpoint Vintage

• 94 - Mable 1949 Wrap dress
• 134 - Julia pinafore dress

Folkwear

• 128 - Russian Settlers' Dress

Laughing Moon

• 111 - 1860s Day dress
• 138 - Regency gown, back closing
• 203 - Fichus & Chemisettes

McCall's

• M7969 (Free pattern) - Tunic

Mood

Mood Fabrics has a TON of free patterns on their website. Sizes are OK, but are all A4 tiled not A0 which means tiling...

• Azara tunic
• Basquiat trousers (technically mens)
• Calanthe dress/tunic
• Camelia peasant top
• Gambit dress - NB The Uniform Dress from Charm is very similar and possibly preferable to this one.

Mrs Depew

• 527B - Bullet Bra (1960s)
• 7309 - Petticoat Skirt (1950s)

Repeated Originals

• 1863 handbag / reticule

Sinclair Patterns

• Valley skater dress

Timely Tresses

• Lucia - Regency Bonnet

Truly Victorian

• FREE - Hoop skirt petticoat

Wildflower Design

• Coquelicot skirt
• Coquelicot pinafore & apron expansion
• Liseron blouse & dress

Other

• American Duchess - 1910s Cape

Last updated: 14 September 2024

2024 and lethargy

 Still alive but still dealing with the after effects of a bout of COVID last Easter... I've spent a year struggling to do ANYTHING beyond eat, work and sleep, and I'm almost permanently exhausted. So, yeah, Long COVID sucks... In addition, there has been various issues for my wider family which has taken up the few spare spoons I've had. Medically for me, COVID has left me with asthma, which is annoying in itself but has also meant changing other medication I've been stable on for years because that was aggravating it! 

I am making plans, but I've followed through on so little that it shames me and I am loath to share them out loud in case I fail yet again. However, with the intent of pointing out to myself what I HAVE achieved, I'm going to write some things out here:

Books read

I've completed approximately 8 books this year, which is a bit less than hoped, but also fairly realistic for me. I am neither commuting regularly (my traditional reading time), nor do I have all my energy or concentration back, so I must not compare myself now to the person who was reading 200+ books a year a decade ago...

This is what I know I've read during 2024 so far, although there may be a few more titles that I've forgotten to record:

1. Bookshops & Bonedust (Legends & Lattes, #0.1)
2. The Library of the Dead (Edinburgh Nights #1)
3. The Beyond (Devil's Isle #4)
4. She and Her Cat
5. A Deadly Education (The Scholomance, #1)
6. Gertie's Charmed Sewing Studio: Pattern Making and Couture-Style Techniques for Perfect Vintage Looks
7. Nettle and Bone
8. Iron Widow (Iron Widow #1)

I also did a lot of sample/extract reading for the Hugo Award voting, which I've just noticed aren't on my list as I read them while I was away on holiday.

Crafting

Almost Sweet Fanny Adams. I've consciously stripped back my expectations for 2024 now. The projects listed below have fabric and patterns ready, but just haven't been made. I've consciously not added any costuming projects because I know I don't have the focus just yet. If I continue to progress and feel somewhat better, I plan to work on simple costuming projects like accessories, which could spruce up the not-so-good and bought stuff I have at present.

So the purpose of this list is items for me - clothes for wearing on a daily basis only - and a few gifts.

1. Finish off a peg bag I was making for my mother just before I got ill. Target: Christmas 2024
2. Coquelicot skirt: I bought the pattern for this and it's addons last year (I think). It was always behind costuming work, but I've wanted this for AGES and I'm thinking it will be a nice gentle make to ease me back in. I'm only going to do the skirt to begin with, to not overwhelm myself.
3. I have two "draft at home" patterns I bought even longer ago than the Coquelicot patterns. Both are for "house dresses", which appeals to me. My target here, however isn't to MAKE the dresses, but to do the work to size up and make the Pattern only. If I have the energy, I may make a cheapo mockup to see how they fit me.

That's it. I could add millions of things I want to make, but I need to be realistic about my capacity right now, and how limited that is... So no stretch goals listed and no deadlines to make me feel inadequate and depressed.

I think I'm going to do a separate post later, with my "Long List of patterns I want to make" on it. No deadlines, just a list that I will pick things off in future...

Craft projects 2023: Progress Report for Spring/Summer

 Well, this year has not been good health wise, although somewhat better financially as I've had a lot of overtime opportunities. What this means is that while I have been able to plan, and to buy what I need for my projects for 2023, I've done close to absolutely nothing.

Completed

• One very last minute Regency era petticoat
• A fichu (which needs proper hemming since it was literally last minute (last half hour before leaving if I'm honest!)

Plans for August to December 2023

These are the specific projects which I have patterns and fabrics for. I don't currently have any historical events planned for the Autumn or Winter, but I do have plans for two Regency events in 2024, which will need kicking off later in the year.

This year, to give myself some grace, I've chosen to focus on skills I want to learn/finesse this year and next over too many specific projects. I am also concentrating on vintage styled items I can wear normally.

• 1 nice dress for work and home
• 2 house dresses
• 1 skirt

The other items I have in mind, but which come under like-to-do and aren't guaranteed - I need to find where the fabrics are for one and buy the fabric I swatched for the other two:

• 1 pinafore dress in black wool
• 1 sarafan outfit
• 1 warmer house dress for working at home this winter 

2023 Target

Learn to sew knits. 

Knits and fabrics that stretch scare me, so my target for 2024 is to face and hopefully conquer that fear.

To address this I have some gorgeous stretch velvet and Gertie's Society Dress pattern. I plan to make the shorter ordinary dress version for work-wear at home and in the office, and then maybe remake it as the long version in a different colour with hood addition for wearing at home for work in the winter. Given fuel costs, I'd like to hold off turning on the heating for as long as possible, so a hooded velvety dress should be fabulous AND look nice on Teams :)

I also would like to try running up some quick t-shirts for The Ginger One to wear as an every day thing - true to size and hopefully I can be pickier about the fabric so they last more than half a dozen washes!

2024 Target

Learn to resize patterns. 

Another fear which I want to learn to face. Initially just FBA (I have a 10" difference between ribs and apex measurements, so bust fitting is always "fun". If possible, I would love to get to the point where I can size older/vintage commercial patterns to fit me rather than having to rely on others adapting them for me.

Immediate Targets

1. Print out the Society Dress and the Coquelicot Skirt patterns
2. Draft out the two house dress patterns
3. Find the pattern for the Sarafan and check if fabric is at home or in storage
4. Sew the Society Dress
5. Plan and sew the Coquelicot Skirt and the two house dresses as wearable mockups

Books and That, #5 (January 2023)

  

Things I've Read Recently

• Uncanny Magazine, 49 50
• Apex Magazine, 133 135
  
• BBC History Magazine, November & December 2022 - some articles only

Books - any format

• Legends and Lattes - bookgroup book for Jan 2023
• North and South / Elizabeth Gaskell (Clare Wille, narrator)
• MUST FINISH!
• I admit to not listening to this in depth, but as a southerner living in the industrial North West (Gaskell herself lived in Manchester at one point) I have empathy with Margaret Hale and her mother on ending up in a part of the country quite unlike that which they were used to. I'm finding audiobooks are great for listening to when sewing and crafting as they reduce my need for self-distraction when both my brain and hands are occupied.
• Regent's Park: From Tudor Hunting Ground to the Present / Paul A. Rabbitts
• Belief and Unbelief in Medieval Europe / John H. Arnold
• Witches and Warriors: 5 Fantasy Novels
• A Kindle freebie multi-book selection which I'd read about 3 stories before getting very irritated by a poorly edited one and putting the thing down. One of the issues of ebooks, for me, is that they are very much out of sight, out of mind once you stop actively reading them...
• The Human Experience: Contemporary American and Soviet Fiction and Poetry / edited by Georgii Andzhaparidze
• The Resurrectionist of Caligo / Wendy Trimboli
• Got this as an ARC far too long ago, and got stuck at a certain point despite loving the world.
• No Longer a Gentleman (The Lost Lords #4) / Mary Jo Putney
• Was reading this series as a binge while in a low mood insomnia bout, and unintentionally stopped when I started feeling better.
• The Fifth Season (The Broken Earth, #1) / N.K. Jemisin
• Into the London Fog: Eerie Tales from the Weird City (British Library Tales of the Weird Book 16) / edited by Elizabeth Dearnley
• Cold Comfort Farm / Stella Gibbons
• The Island of Sodor: Its People, History and Railways / Wilbert Awdry
• Found on IA during lockdown and again, lost track of when put down.
• The Machine Breaker Convicts from the Proteus and the Eliza / Bruce W. Brown
• The Collapsing Empire (The Interdependency, #1) / John Scalzi
• Old Peter's Russian Tales / Arthur Ransome
• The Silk Roads: The Extraordinary History that created your World – Children's Edition / Peter Frankopan
• The Calculating Stars (Lady Astronaut Universe #1) / Mary Robinette Kowal
• The Poppy War (The Poppy War, #1) / R.F. Kuang
• Infinity Wars / edited by Jonathan Strahan

SCC on loan books

• Regent's Park : from Tudor hunting ground to the present / Rabbitts, Paul A.,
• Elsewhens / Rawn, Melanie,
• The way of all flesh / Parry, Ambrose,
• The hundred thousand kingdoms / Jemisin, N. K.,
• Thorn / Khanani, Intisar,
• The hunt / Neill, Chloe,
• Children of blood and bone / Adeyemi, Tomi,
• Blood of elves / Sapkowski, Andrzej,
• Redemption's blade : after the war / Tchaikovsky, Adrian, 1972-
• Cursor's fury / Butcher, Jim, 1971-
• Shadow and bone / Bardugo, Leigh,
• In ashes lie / Brennan, Marie,
• The ten thousand doors of January / Harrow, Alix E.,

Bonuses for reading time: A week away at the beginning of January, and a vague possibility of a trip to Leeds in the near future.

2023 Reading Plan

Just to see how much my plan changes over the next 12 months, here are my short and long lists for 2023, as of 1 January 2023. I'm writing this in advance, so I may need to go back in here and edit off any books that I've read over Christmas as I've added in my remaining 2022 shortlist here.

I am also vaguely working on a general "book challenge" for the last few years looking at reading "genre books" from around the world. About 10 years ago, I saw a challenge from someone who read a book from every nation, and thought that that would be a good way to read outside my personal perspective, however a lot of the books bored me - not because they were bad books, but because they weren't my style. So I wondered whether it would be even possible to do this myself BUT focussing on books from the genres I prefer - mostly speculative fiction (SF, Fantasy, PNR) and Historical romance. It's taking a while to discover and then find copies of books that fit, but I haven't set a deadline for completing this. Nevertheless, hopefully some items from that will be able to come into my reading this year. 

To define the two types of lists for 2023:

Shortlist - books I definitely plan to read this year. These fall into the following categories:

1. I just really want to read this - e.g. next in series, excitement, etc.
2. I've started so I'll finish - books that are partly complete. I'm making a special effort in 2023 to clear up my backlog of partially read books.
3. Already borrowed - books that I currently have out on loan. I want to only have new (to me) books on loan from the library after January, if at all possible.

Not on this list, but which will be later - Awards (Hugo 2023 probably) and Bookgoup. Because I can't predict these ahead of time, I will obviously have to wait to add them until they are decided. So the name of 2023 for me is "Backlog and Fun" - books stop being fun if you have to read them, so I will deal with those I have to as a priority and then the rest should be mostly fun!

Longlist - these are books which I want to read, but which don't have deadlines on them in the same way as those on the Shortlist.

1. Reviews owed. I have a backlog here too, which needs dealing with.
2. Awards backlog - I have some outstanding books from the 2020 and 2021 Hugos that I never got around to. I want to tidy this off too.
3. Books I own already - mostly gifts
4. Things I'd like to read, but don't own
5. Next books in series - some of these are being bumped up to Shortlist if I've been wanting to read for a while but haven't got around to continuing the series.

NB - Neither list is in a specific order, beyond the order in which I added them to the list.

Shortlist

Title	Author	Reason
A Peace Divided (Peacekeeper, #2)	Tanya Huff	Library borrowed
A Red-Rose Chain (October Daye, #9)	Seanan McGuire
Belief and Unbelief in Medieval Europe	John H. Anold
Blood of Elves (The Witcher, #1)	Andrzej Sapkowski
False Value (Rivers of London #8)	Ben Aaronovitch
Children of Blood and Bone (Legacy of Orïsha, #1)	Tomi Adeyemi
Cold Comfort Farm	Stella Gibbons
Cursor's Fury (The Codex Alera, #3)	Jim Butcher
Elsewhens (Glass Thorns, #2)	Melanie Rawn
Fantasy from Asia and the Asian Diaspora	Zen Cho
From the Editorial Page of the Falchester Weekly Review (The Memoirs of Lady Trent #3.5)	Marie Brennan
In Ashes Lie (Onyx Court, #2)	Marie Brennan
Infinity Wars	Jonathan Strahan
Lost Gods	Micah Yongo
Loyalty in Death (In Death, #9)	J.D. Robb
Lud-in-the-Mist	Hope Mirrlees
Mindtouch (The Dreamhealers, #1)	M.C.A. Hogarth
No Longer a Gentleman (The Lost Lords #4)	Mary Jo Putney
Old Peter's Russian Tales	Arthur Ransome
Redemption's Blade (After the War, #1)	Adrian Tchaikovsky
Regent's Park: From Tudor Hunting Ground to the Present	Paul A. Rabbitts
She Who Became the Sun (The Radiant Emperor #1)	Shelley Parker-Chan
Stars Above: A Lunar Chronicles Collection	Marissa Meyer
Strange Brew	P.N. Elrod
The All Souls Complete Trilogy	Deborah Harkness
The Book Eaters	Sunyi Dean
The Calculating Stars (Lady Astronaut Universe #1)	Mary Robinette Kowal
The Dark Days Club (Lady Helen, #1)	Alison Goodman
The Fifth Season	N.K. Jemisin
The Gatekeeper's Staff: An Old Gods Story (TJ Young & The Orishas #1)	Antoine Bandele
The Girl in The Tower (Winternight Trilogy, #2)	Katherine Arden
The House in the Cerulean Sea	T.J. Klune
The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms	N.K. Jemisin
The Human Experience: Andzhaparidze, Contemporary American and Soviet Fiction and Poetry	Georgii Andzhaparidze
The Hunt	Chloe Neill
The Island of Sodor: Its People, History and Railways	Wilbert Awdry
The Kingdom of Copper (The Daevabad Trilogy, #2)	S.A. Chakraborty
The Light Ages: The Surprising Story of Medieval Science	Seb Falk
The Machine Breaker Convicts from the Proteus and the Eliza	Bruce W. Brown
The Poppy War (The Poppy War, #1)	R.F. Kuang
The Resurrectionist of Caligo	Wendy Trimboli
The Silk Roads: The Extraordinary History that created your World – Children's Edition	Peter Frankopan
The Ten Thousand Doors of January	Alix E. Harrow
The Thousand Names (The Shadow Campaigns, #1)	Django Wexler
The True Queen (Sorcerer Royal #2)	Zen Cho
The Way of All Flesh (Raven, Fisher, and Simpson, #1)	Ambrose Parry
Thorn	Intisar Khanani
Voyage of the Basilisk (The Memoirs of Lady Trent, #3)	Marie Brennan
Witches and Warriors collection (Kindle bundle)	Lindsay Buroker
Witness in Death (In Death, #10)	J.D. Robb
-	-	-
Uncanny Magazine 2023 issues
Apex Magazine 2023 issues
BBC History Magazine 2023 issues

Longlist

Title	Author	Reason
The Light Brigade	Kameron Hurley
October Daye, #10-14	Seanan McGuire

ADHD and ASD overlaps

 Just a short post about the overlaps between ADHD and ASD. As I may have mentioned previously, I have been suspecting more and more over the last year that my ASD has also got a somewhat significant amount of ADHD elements in it. Getting a diagnosis is/would be hard, mostly due to the immense backlogs in accessing a clinician with diagnostic abilities right now. Unfortunately there is a HUGE waiting list for both NHS and private diagnoses - to the extent that my nephew would likely age out of CAMHS (Child and Adolescent services) if referred now as the waiting list in his area is 4+ YEARS! This is also affecting Higher and Further education, as previously we could have referred a student during their first year - when issues became visible - and expect to get at least a tentative diagnosis within a year or so, now a referral prior to starting is unlikely to get any kind of diagnosis before graduation! So extenuating circumstances provisions are now having to be provided on referral not diagnosis to ensure students aren't failing completely due to our lack of support for them which both sides know they need. 

So, the point of this wasn't to rant about that (although I feel better for getting it out!), but to talk about one of the issues I have had with co-morbidities in diagnostic criteria. Many years ago I saw a lovely Venn diagram which showed where ADHD diagnostic criteria overlapped with ASD ones, and where they were unique to each disorder. I then promptly lost it and have searched for it on-and-off for literal years without joy. This last month I finally re-found it, and a whole wonderful website by a clicician called Dr. Neff who has created an entire section where she discusses comorbid conditions and misdiagnoses for neurodivergent conditions.

Website: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/ - then go to Misdiagnosis Monday.

Neff's ADHD vs Autism page is going to be really useful for me as one of my plans this year is to confirm or deny whether I feel I have a dual diagnosis, or not. After that, well then I get to consider whether it is worth going for a formal diagnosis and seeking medication, or if I just carry on as now but looking at both ASD and ADHD friendly hacks to achieve my targets.

2023 Plans - Part 2: Craft Details

EDIT @03:45: Minor spanner in the works in the shape of the first Charm Patterns Patreon release for 2023, which I now ALSO want to make. If it's a sew-along, well... there goes my initial plans!

"New Year goals 2023" by Marco Verch is licensed under CC-BY-2.0.

This post is specifically for my crafting plans for 2023. As outlined in the previous post, I intend to limit myself to not more than one project per month, and probably no more than 8 for the whole year to allow for both time off and for projects to take longer than planned. In some ways this is a 2-3 year project plan as my aim for 2023 is to gain core outfits plus some specific items, and to improve these outfits over time... I may add some longer term plans at the bottom, or not, depends how long it takes me to type this up!

These are outline plans - nothing about inspirations or fine details. I will list a broad project title, the item(s) involved, patterns to be used, and rough fabric information (owned, fibre, weave). 

Layout

Project title:

Description: Outfit item(s) + Good/Better/Best

Purpose:

Pattern: Company, # or name, owned/not

Fabric: Fibre, weave, owned/not

Status: Unstarted, In Progress, Complete

Links: Link to a full project post if one exists

1. Regency

Project title: Regency dress

Description: Regency gown with back fastening and long sleeves

Purpose: Early 19th century historical costume

Pattern: Laughing Moon #138 (owned)

Fabric: Cotton - have a printed cotton, may buy a swiss dot though

Status: In progress: Pattern pieces cut out mock-up for pattern size completed

Links:

2. Mid-19thC

Project title: Gaskell dress

Description: 1850s/1860s crinoline dress with pagoda sleeves

Purpose: Mid 19th century historical costume

Pattern: Laughing Moon #111 (owned), View B

Fabric: Wool (owned)

Status: In progress - continuation and improvement

Links:

3. Late-19th C

Project title: Fan Skirt #2

Description: Remake of earlier fan skirt project, with lessons learned

Purpose: Late 19th century historical costume

Pattern: Black Snail #0414 (owned)

Fabric: Purple/black 100% wool (owned)

Status: In progress: Fabric bought

Links:

4. House dress

Project title: 1949 House dress

Description: Wrap house dress from 1949, Ruler resized pattern

Purpose: Work and around the house. Easy-on clothes

Pattern: Enbonpoint Vintage #94 - Mable (owned)

Fabric: Cheap cotton or polycotton

Status: Planned

Links:

5. Pinafore dress

Project title: Julia pinafore dress

Description: Pinafore dress pattern from c.1950s, Ruler resized pattern

Purpose: Work and around the house. Easy-on clothes

Pattern: Enbonpoint Vintage #134 - Julia (owned)

Fabric: Cotton or polycotton

Status: Planned

Links:

6. Rita blouse

Project title: Rita blouse

Description: 1950s style blouse

Purpose: To go with fox skirt

Pattern: Charm Patterns - Rita (owned)

Fabric: Cotton/Polycotton

Status: In progress: Mock-up for pattern size completed, pattern pinned out but not cut

Links:

7. Bullet bra

Project title: Bullet bra

Description: 1960s bullet bra, ruler pattern

Purpose: Underwear for 1950s style clothes

Pattern: Mrs Depew #527B (owned)

Fabric: TBC

Status: Unstarted

Links:

8. 1950s Petticoat-skirt

Project title: 1950s Petticoat

Description: 1950s petticoat or skirt, ruler pattern

Purpose: Underwear for daily wear with 1950s style skirts/dresses (less floofy)

Pattern: Mrs Depew #7309 (owned)

Fabric: TBC

Status: Unstarted

Links:

Other proposed plans

Ideas and projects which may happen in addition to those above, in place of those above, or not until next year or even later!

9. Sarafan

Project title: Sarafan

Description: 19thC or folkloric sarafan, shirt, and apron

Purpose: Cosplay - Vasilisa the Wise and Baba Yaga

Pattern: Folkwear #128 - Russian Settler Dress (owned)

Fabric: Cotton

Status: Planned

Links:

10. Gambit dress

Project title: Gambit dress

Description: Pinafore dress in the style of The Gambit

Purpose: Daily wear

Pattern: Mood - Gambit (free/owned)

Fabric: TBC

Status: Planned

Links:

11. 1940s dungarees

Project title: Dungarees

Description: 1940s/Rosie the Riveter -style dungarees

Purpose: Daily wear - work and home

Pattern: Charm Patterns - Lucille (owned)

Fabric: TBC

Status: Unstarted

Links:

12. High waist shorts

Project title: Button Shorts

Description: 1930s-style button-front decorated shorts

Purpose: Summer-wear

Pattern: Charm Patterns - Ginger (owned)

Fabric: TBC

Status: Unstarted

Links:

13. Edwardian blouse

Project title: Edwardian blouse

Description: Early 1900s to 1910s blouse

Purpose: Historical costume for late 19th and early 20th century. To go with existing fan skirt(s)

Pattern: Black Snail #0816 (owned)

Fabric: Cotton lawn (owned)

Status: Mock-up for size completed

Links:

14. Wrapper dress

Project title: 1840s Wrapper

Description: Dress from 1840s-1860s for at-home wear

Purpose: Costuming and at-home

Pattern: Laughing Moon #120 (unowned)

Fabric: TBC

Status: Unstarted

Links:

15. 1890s shirtwaist

Project title: Shirtwaist

Description: Shirtwaist or shirt pattern from c1890

Purpose: Late 19thC costuming to wear with fan skirt(s)

Pattern: Black Snail #0314 (unowned)

Fabric: Cottons

Status: Unstarted

Links:

16. 1890s cape

Project title: Short cape

Description: Short cape from c1890

Purpose: Late 19thC costuming to wear as warmth with fan skirt(s)

Pattern: Truly Victorian #590 (unowned)

Fabric: Wool or similar heavy material

Status: Unstarted

Links:

17. Ten gore princess skirt

Project title: Princess skirt

Description: Corsolet waisted skirt from 1906

Purpose: Historical costuming 

Pattern: Truly Victorian #TVE23 (unowned)

Fabric: Wool

Status: Unstarted

Links:

18. 1917 skirt

Project title: 1917 Evelyn skirt

Description: Large pocketed 19-teens skirt

Purpose: Daily wear and Historical costuming 

Pattern: Wearing History - Evelyn (unowned)

Fabric: Cotton or wool

Status: Unstarted

Links:

19. Smocked aesthetic shirtwaist

Project title: Amsterdam Smokwerk blouse

Description: Pattern inspired by the turn-of-the-century Smockwork blouse/shirtwaist in Amsterdam 

Purpose: Daily wear and Historical costuming 

Pattern: Clockwork Faerie - 1890s Aesthetic shirtwaist (unowned)

Fabric: Cotton

Status: Unstarted

Links:

18. 1890s Apron

Project title: 1890s Apron

Description: An apron to go with 1890s outfit(s)

Purpose: Daily wear and Historical costuming 

Pattern: Undecided (unowned)

Fabric: Cotton

Status: Unplanned

Links:

2023 Plans - Part 1: Overview

 Welcome to 2023!

"Business plans for 2023" by Marco Verch is licensed under CC-BY-2.0.

I don't really "do" resolutions, especially not New Year Resolutions. Why? 

1. I forget the things I planned if I'm not actively doing them
2. If I want to do / start / stop a thing, then postponing it to an arbitrary date doesn't help me - I start it right away (or don't!) - building in procrastination just sets me up to continue procrastinating!
3. If put on the spot, I find I just think of things to propose, which aren't necessarily things that would help me or which I actively want to do the most, just what came to the top of my head right then

So, what I am doing instead is using today as an opportunity to write down the things I was already hoping to do this year. There is no "today is the new start" aspect to this, just an acknowledgement of y plans for the forthcoming year. These are split into sections to try to group my plans. Unlike a traditional list of resolutions, the aim of this is to try to keep my ever burgeoning list of Things I Want to Do in a somewhat manageable state, and hopefully to limit my goals to things which I can reasonably accomplish within the limits of my brain and body's capacities.

Personal and Professional Development

1. Complete at least 50% of my chartership submission
• This has been rumbling on now for almost 5 years, so this year I want to get some concrete progress on it.
2. EITHER Get my hours increased at my current post OR Seek a new post
• I am stagnating at work, which could be fixed with either more hours (more time to develop the role) or finding something altogether new.
3. Continue my Russian classes and consider taking the C1 exam either this year or register again at C1 to take it in 2024.
4. Complete another year on Duolingo. 2023 focus languages
• Russian
• Primary focus
• French
• Secondary focus
• Ukrainian
• B1/2
• Italian
• A2/B1 - revive my old Beginner's level
• Arabic
• A1/2 - Recognise the alphabet, Get basic greetings, numbers and please/thank you
• Chinese
• A1 - Recognise characters

Leisure

1. Read between 2 and 4 books a month. My Goodreads target is currently set at 24 books, or 2 per calendar month.
• Lacking commuting time, I am reading less fiction books than I want to, and my TBR is insane. 
• 2-4 books a month is one every week or so.
• No limits on length - just published separately (e.g. a Tor.com short book is the same as Lord of the Rings in this count)
2. Play PC games at least once per week

Craft

1. Sewing - no more than 1 project per month.
• Complete three basic 19th Century outfits
1. Early - 1800s-1820s
2. Mid-century - 1850s-1860s 
3. Late - 1890s-1900s
• Complete some practical outfits for general wearing
2. Do the fox painting my parents bought me for Christmas 2021
3. Practice crochet

Health

1. Weight control
• This is probably the closest thing I have to a traditional New Year's Resolution, but in this case it has a specific target and end date. 
• Target: 95kg
• Purpose: Anaesthesia for transfer
• Date: April 2023
2. Exercise
• I need to force myself to exercise more or I won't achieve my target weight.
• Ever since breaking my ankle mid-summer 2022 I've been struggling with walking, so I will be getting a month's membership to the local swimming pool for January and trying to go at least once per week. Depending on how successful that is, I will decide whether to continue to fight the work insurance people and get "proper" gym membership sorted or continue using the local pool. Swimming as my main "big exercise" should reduce the pressures on both my ankle and my existing arthritis. 
• Minimum target: 
• Walk at least 3x a week
• Static cycle at least 2x per week
• Swim 1x per week
3. Teeth
• Arrange for 3 teeth to be pulled - I have two wisdom teeth coming in a 90° angle off from the angle they SHOULD be at, and one has also crushed into the tooth alongside and is sitting half inside that tooth, and is slowly killing it.
• Dentist wants this completed before my other treatment starts again, and we don't want to delay that more than a month ideally.
• Date: Jan/Feb 2023
4. ASD & ADHD
• Consider the value of pursuing a formal ADHD diagnosis
• Evaluate whether can afford to continue counselling sessions from 2022 now that they are no longer included in my NHS coverage (12 sessions covered)

Books and That, #4 (December 2022)

Things I've Read Recently

Books - any format

My target this month has been to finish off books I've had on the go and to get my Currently Reading list down to a "normal" number! On 30th November it was standing at 23 titles on the go, and I almost completely failed to clear ANY of them!...

• Recipes from My Russian Grandmother's Kitchen
  
• I re-read this on getting down to my parents in prep for my annual Christmas baking binge.
• One / Zero / Kathleen Ann Goonan
• This was a really cool scenario and build up, which lost out for me by stopping just that bit too soon! I wasn't ready to let the story go when it ended, so I'm hoping that this is set in a wider world that the author has written about.
• A Natural History of Dragons (Lady Trent #1) / Marie Brennan
• Bookgroup book. Another re-read for me, so decided to listen to this one on audio while travelling, failed, and ended up re-reading it with the audio on 2x speed the day of the meeting. Still a good book!
• The Jester / Michael J. Sullivan
• I needed one more book to make my goal for 2022, so I grabbed this one off my to read list as a quick win. It was short but complete scenario from the author's wider Riyria series. I wasn't feeling to brilliant on NYE, so this was perfect to make me a) less down by un-failing to meet my target for books read, and b) a nice dip into a known world with a simple mostly-happy ending. 
• While not things that I record here, I've also read a number of shorts and prompted works this month, mostly via Facebook community posts.

Term 2 for Russian starts in a couple of weeks, so I ought to be making the most of the freedom-to-read time! Oops

If I have time, I hope to complete a list of my planned books to read in 2023, just for the interest in seeing how many of them I read, and how many of what I read isn't even on my radar right now! I know that up to 12 books won't be on there regardless because book-group choices, but the rest should be, right?! ;)

Books and that #3 (November 2022)

Things I've Read Recently

• Uncanny Magazine, 49 - not completely finished, so will be reading the remaining stories this month.
• BBC History Magazine, October 2022 - some articles only

Books - any format

• North and South / Elizabeth Gaskell (Clare Wille, narrator)
• Still ongoing listening while crafting. Next big crafting binge is scheduled for Saturday, so hoping to get this mostly (if not completely) finished by the end of the week. Unfortunately that also means that it will count under December not November.
• Prudence and the Dragon / Zen Cho
• Nice short, losely related to the Sorcerer to the King series but in a modern London.
• The House of Aunts / Zen Cho
• Hauntingly interesting. Longer than a short, so took me two sittings due to time constraints this month.
• Unterminator / Zen Cho
• Sometimes flash fiction can be great, like a snack when you have the munchies. This was was more like only having a biscuit but when you start reading you realise you actually want dinner. Unsatisfying. The premise was good, but the whole just didn't do it for me.
• The Guest / Zen Cho
• This was a lovely short, with intriguing characters. I would like to meet them all again, if possible, so hoping the author writes a novel in this world.
• Дом с мезонином / Чехов
• Just read as part of my Russian course.

Term has started for my Russian classes (C1 now), so I'm also reading various Russian language texts, but I'm not counting those here for leisure reading.

I'm now working on what books I can reasonably expect to finish over Christmas, and then splitting my plans for 2023 into Short and Long lists. I need to remember to leave space for any books I'm given for Christmas as they will become priority reads.

My shortlist is things I can reasonably expect to read within 2023, and the longlist is for items that I'm either less likely to read (e.g. access reasons), or are "would like to read soon" vs "really want to read now" - the latter going onto my shortlist. Books which I need to reserve and collect from the library, as well as books which aren't in the library and I'd need to buy, go into the Longlist, but would get moved to the shortlist if I get them. 

Books and That, #2 (October 2022)

 Things I've Read Recently

• Uncanny Magazine, 48
• BBC History Magazine, September 2022 - some articles only

Books - any format

• The Grief of Stones / Katherine Addison
• The sequel to The Witness for the Dead, focussing again on Thara Celehar. This was as awesome as I had hoped, and has left me feeling very sad that The Tomb of Dragons isn't even published yet!
• Min Zemerin's Plan / Katherine Addison
• Having realised that The Tomb of Dragons is at least a year away from me, I was rather pleased to see that there was a short story in the series that I could read right now. This is short, but has everything I love about the world in it. I hope that the characters in this show up at least tangentially in the novel(s), as I'd love to see how they get on in future.
• Mr Godey's Ladies / Robert Kunciov
• I spotted this on eBay for a couple of quid and thought "Why Not?". It's a small book, but covers the span of the 19th Century US ladies' fashion magazine Godey's Ladies Book. The plates from the originals of this serial are very popular for costume research, and the book reprints a number of these in colour, though not at full size as the book itself is only the size of a standard paperback (although printed in a hardcover format). It also has line drawings from the magazines printed throughout, and alongside the descriptions printed at the time. Kunciov doesn't seem to have written anything else on the subject that I can find, but in this book he manages to provide commentary on the magazines, fashions, and their historical context without distracting from the original texts.
• North and South / Elizabeth Gaskell (Clare Wille, narrator)
• I haven't finished this yet - I'm currently 3 hours in.
• The President's Brain is Missing / John Scalzi
  
• I randomly picked this to read before bed the other night. It's fun, it's a bit silly, and it was just right for a before-sleep read! 

Term has started for my Russian classes (C1 now), so I'm also reading various Russian language texts, but I'm not counting those here for leisure reading.

Meanderings, Mostly on reading this year and Brain chaos

So this post is partly looking back on a post I first wrote in September 2020 but only just got around to tidying off and releasing (On self-help and neurodiverse (support) communities), and partly just on me and reading this year. I feel these topics are related.

I'll begin by sharing an image that ADHD Alien / Pina shared recently. This one was a big OUCH moment for me to see, because it's absolutely where I am right now!

Neurodiversity Update

So, after sitting and mulling on this for at least a year, I've come to face that I may be at least slightly ADHD in addition to my existing ASD diagnosis. I've tried to prove to myself that I don't have ADHD traits, and I'm failing. I also still find (see the post linked above) that ADHD-related "hacks" often help me far more than pure ASD related ones. The more I researched to "prove" that I don't have anything like ADHD, the more I found things which helped to explain why my ASD presentation wasn't textbook despite my high assessment results.

Accepting these "failings", however has proved to be a benefit. Saying out loud that I can't do X because Y, has helped me see ways past the inability to do the thing and to find alternative ways to get to the goal instead. For example, keeping my office tidy.

I have loads of rubbish in my room, and empty cups, and old plates, plus parts of incomplete projects, and so on. It's awful and I hate it, because ironically having my environment look like my brain feels is a direct impediment for me to achieve anything. But I kept forgetting to empty the bin, or put a new liner in, or simply move the rubbish from Point of Creation to Bin. An ADHDer (I think it was on a hacks Facebook group) suggested that this is from trying to live as a neurotypical. Instead they suggested that it might be more productive to go back to the fundamentals and solve the actual problem without thinking about expectations. So, using the example of bins - established thinking is that you have a bin per room and move items to the bin, but if your brain doesn't work that way, perhaps it's better to just have bins at each point of rubbish generation regardless of how many are in that location. So I now have a paper bin near my cutting mat, for pattern paper offcuts, and because I used to overfill and then forget or knock over the "normal" sized bin by my desk, I now have an entire bin liner tied to one of the clamps on my desk, which I change every bin day. Why a bin liner? Well, I don't have space for a hard bin that size, but a liner kinda tucks under a corner of my desk. Plus "emptying" is as simple as untying, knotting the top, and taking it outside. No interim tasks to distract me along the way.

Distractibility and Hyperfocus

Accepting my own distractibility has been another thing I'm working on. For a long time this has been something I've struggled to accept about myself as I thought it directly contradicted my ASD diagnosis. But it doesn't.

ASD means that when I'm in the task, I'm IN it, and I dive all the way in.

Distractibility means that between dives I can get totally waylaid, and that my next deep dive may not be anywhere close to what I NEED to be doing, or even what I want to be doing!

For example:

• Working on Task A, dive deeply, but then need some information from an email to continue.
• Tab to emails
• Get distracted reading emails, respond to 3 unrelated emails
• Attend a meeting
• Do Task B
• Go to close at the end of the day and realise that Task A wasn't completed because I never actually retrieve the information I went to get.

Example 2:

• Working on Task A, which involves using programmes on 2 screens, and occasionally a third window. I don't deep dive, but I do focus intently
• Tab between tasks, and accidentally bring the wrong screen up, perhaps Reddit, or my emails, or an article I was reading at lunch
• Get distracted by the content of the screen I'm now looking at, even more likely if it has an alert, a "new post" note, or a notification tab.
• Eventually remember and go back to Task A and have to spend 10-15 minutes staring to remember wtf I was doing, with negative time points if the page I was in has timed out and is at a login or home screen again.
• Repeat all bloody day

Example 3:

• Doing Task A
• Email pings
• Check email and see it's junk or not for me or nothing with an action
• Read 50 emails unrelated to current Task
• Reminder pings to start Task B, breaking the Read Random Emails hyperfocus
• Remember and go back to Task A, while panicking about Task B
  
  
• This scenario is worse if the ping is my phone, because while I may only be checking for Important Messages, the amount of potentially distracting notifications on my phone is likely to be exponentially worse!

I've found Teams, while more initially distracting, is less executively distracting because it's fairly discrete - message pings, stay distracted for length of specific conversation, return to work. For this reason, I've found I prefer to turn to Teams to communicate when I'm "inside" a Task, instead of emailing. Emails involve thought - who to send to and whether To, CC, or BCC; Salutation; All the text needs to be clear - Teams chat has more space for clarification; and so on. Teams is "Hi, ~request~, Thanks!" and then discuss. Teams can also be "Um, do you know who to ask about X?", with a fast reply. Responses can be reactions, and it's far easier to upload images for Issue logging. And you can go DND and not get pings for the duration of a task!

In my own life this can play out in one of two major ways, plus an extra exec dysfunction addendum.

1. Distraction into a related thing

This happens a lot when I'm in the planning stages for an outfit. I can get distracted into deep diving into a random aspect of the costume, and one which ultimately doesn't really matter - e.g. all the varieties of shoes and boots worn in a specific year... Or the varieties in collars worn at that time, when what I actually needed to work on at that point was just whether Fabric A was a good choice to buy for this project.

2. Distraction because I'm overwhelmed and procrastinating

This most often happens when I am overwhelmed by the amount to do in a project, so in trying to break it down into smaller parts, I overfocus on something utterly insignificant to the detriment of the main components of the project. For example, at school ensuring that I underlined a title twice in a specific colour, rather than starting to write the introduction, and getting to the end of the period with a PERFECT title and no text. Yes, been there, done that!

3. Executive Dysfunction meaning I've got stuck in wrong task

This is one of the most irritating parts, for me. I'm doing something I don't even want to be doing, because my brain is not letting me switch to the thing I want to do. For example, playing a game when I actually want to go to bed. In this latter situation, I've very lucky that my spouse will come to me, ask me "do you need help", and then helps me break focus on the thing that's gripping me, and move onto bed, or showering, or going out, whatever it is that I would actually prefer to be doing. This help is invaluable because I need that external push to re-start my brain into a more productive/constructive direction. It's also, I suspect, sometimes the cause of brain weasels, thought spirals, and some of my panic attacks. My brain literally can't switch from Thought A, even though I want to, without some external input. I am very lucky to have someone to help me like this without judgement. 

~~~

Reading, Relaxing, and Resting

I'm on leave today, and I'm SO glad because frankly my brain has been hissing at me like this for quite a while! I need to take leave more frequently and not to do things, just to relax and reset. I find that I mostly take my leave to do things, to go places, or to focus on NotWork tasks. Which means I don't have time off to just read, just rest, just play games, and if I don't start doing this I'm going to burn out. This is especially important as I've been working full time since August, and may be permanently doing at least 0.8FTE in future. If I am going to work more hours, I need to carve out conscious brain rest times too, as I won't have my afternoons to do whatever the fuck I like (or nap, often it's just nap). That said, I have 3 more days I can book (well 11 hours, which is 3 "days"+0.5 hours). At least one of those is going to be so I can play Dragonflight on release day, because Why the Fuck NOT!

So what has this got to do with reading? Well, I love reading, it has been a joy in my life for as long as I can remember. I was a hyperlexic child, and started reading by about 2 - my mother remembers having to briefly step away one evening during my night-time story, and returning a few minutes later to find me trying to figure out the words so I could carry on with the story. Reading is part of my self-identity that I've never surrendered. However, I've repeatedly complained over the past 7/8 years I've been in my current job that I no longer seem to have the times to read - there was something for me about commuting and having a timetabled lunch break that meant I had defined reading times. Since being in my current job, which I love, I neither commute nor have set lunch breaks. Nor do I have people I want to have space from for a while during my breaks, especially now I'm home working. I'm trying to get myself into the habit/routine of reading before bed at least a few nights a week. I've been subscribed to Uncanny Magazine and Apex Magazine for a few years via Kickstarter, so I'm using these as my intentional evening reading. As both are collections of short stories (and long-shorts) they give me a definite thing to read, but which has a clear boundary that is easier to stick to than "Just One Chapter", but which I can go over if I have the spoons. At the same time, if I'm really tired one short story isn't so overwhelming as to put me off unlike starting a new book.

However, I'm also planning to sit down and work through the stack of library books I've borrowed but not read on the days where I'm using up my leave for this year. I've got the following 14 titles out on loan:

• Regent's Park : from Tudor hunting ground to the present / Rabbitts
• Elsewhens / Rawn
• The way of all flesh / Parry
• The hundred thousand kingdoms / Jemisin
• Thorn / Khanani
• The hunt / Neill
• Children of blood and bone / Adeyemi
• Blood of elves / Sapkowski
• Redemption's blade : after the war / Tchaikovsky
• Cursor's fury / Butcher
• Shadow and bone / Bardugo
• In ashes lie / Brennan
• The ten thousand doors of January / Harrow
• ✔ The grief of stones / Addison 

I read The Grief of Stones on my way back from my parents' at the beginning of October, so I'd like to get at least one more library book finished before the end of the month. I'd also like to get the current Apex issue read. Tomorrow, however, is for sewing / craft related shenanigans instead. Since I didn't manage to go to the Mrs Gaskell event due to sickness, I want to push that outfit into at least "better" territory (post to come on that process).

Books and That, #1 (September 2022)

Things I've Read Recently

I have three magazines currently on subscription, plus a load of back issues from all three PLUS Mermaids Monthly, which ran for a year in 2020/21. Uncanny Magazine and Apex Magazine I back each year through Kickstarter at the subscription level, and my Dad bought me a sub for BBC History about 15 years ago for Christmas and never seems to have cancelled it, to my joy. Uncanny and Apex are both SF & Fantasy short story journals, and BBC History is a non-fiction semi-academic serial - the articles are usually written by academics, but with a popular history focus and style.

• Uncanny Magazine, 48
• Apex Magazine, 133
  
• BBC History Magazine, September 2022

Books - any format

• Spin / Robert Charles Wilson
• September bookgroup book.
  Interesting, and enjoyable. I liked the characters and enjoyed the story, I'm just not sure that I am desperate to read the remaining books in the series. This one ended on a perfectly satisfactory note, and I'm content waving characters off into their Brave New Future without having to see it...
• The Starless Sea / Erin Morgenstern
• This has the same feel as her earlier book, The Night Circus. For me, both of these were books that kept me intrigued and therefore kept me reading. Because her books are very twisty, I find that I can't just leave them because there is no way for me to figure out exactly where she is going with all her characters. She is a master of feeding you just enough information to keep the story interesting and moving, without signposting where she's going all the time. 
• The Witness for the Dead / Katherine Addison
• I adored the Goblin Emperor, and I've realised that I love books about new worlds and with heavy world creation in them. The story in The Goblin Emperor was cleanly finished, so I was worried about how this was going to be a series without screwing around with characters. This works, however, because she's moving different characters to the forefront of the story, ones who were important and about whom we felt had More To Know. One of The Goblin Emperor's strengths was the way in which characters were introduced, and that it was clear that they had their own story, but that the author didn't distract us from the actual story by running off after them.
  This, to me, is a great way of dealing with that - each important but non-action central character gains their own book later. It reminds me of the way in which academic research could send you off down fascinating rabbit holes. They wouldn't fit properly into your thesis, but by turning them into articles or conference papers allowed you to follow your thread to it's natural stopping point without damaging the storyline of your thesis work.
  Like The Goblin Emperor, this is a gentle book, even when there are scenes of action, fear and/or danger, I always felt a certain sense of confort while reading them. I'm looking forward to picking up the next book from the Library in October - it's waiting for me now!
• A Master of Djinn / P. Djèlí Clark
• I was initially both pleased and disappointed to see the synopsis of this novel. I'd loved all the short stories the author had already written in this world, but I had a preference for the protagonist of The Haunting of Tram Car 015. However Fatma, the protagonist of the novel and others of the prequel shorts, won me over fairly quickly and I enjoyed her leading role. Other characters we met previously also make cameo (or more meaty) roles, which was pleasant. I love this semi-steampunk alternate historical Cairo setting, especially as I was getting exceedingly bored of yet another novel set in the US.
• Who Fears Death / Nnedi Okorafor
• This is again a welcome change of setting for me. It was a hard book, but one I enjoyed. I feel that having aphantasia made it less traumatic to read for me than for many others, so I would counsel anyone with a history of SA to be at least aware of the themes before reading. Did I like the end? No, but also yes. This book took me a long time to read, but unintentionally. I had just started reading it as my commuting book when lockdown happened, and I lost my "enforced reading time", which I'm only just starting to reclaim. Every time I managed to sit down with it, I was disappointed to stop, but then it would be months before I got another chunk of it done. So, on holiday this year I chose one day to just read so I could sit down to finish it all at once. It was worth the effort.

I currently have about 8 books on the go, plus another dozen out from the library (either print, ebook, or audio), so for the rest of this year my plan is to try to whittle those down as much as possible. 

One thing I've given myself, is 15-45 minutes every night to read something - chapter of a book, a short story, an article, doesn't matter. I started when I came back from a conference in Wales earlier this month, and it was lovely. By setting myself small targets, I think I can cheese my brain out of "but I never have the time"... 

Things Suggested to Me

Things I haven't read as of yet, but intend to track down.

1. The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills (Amazon link)

Habits, Rituals & Routines, Part 1

I am neurodiverse. 

I have confirmed, diagnosed, profound ASD. It has also been suggested that I may have some ADHD traits (which may explain other things about my presentation, but that's a musing for later).

I have lots of habits. 

Or so I thought. I have rituals and routines. If I don't follow these in the correct order, each time, then it all falls apart. 

Sometimes "falling apart" is displayed as "Screws up the whole day" - e.g. this is my normal routine fora day when I am immediately leaving the house.

1. Alarm
2. Sit up
3. Faff time - check phone, play game, do Duolingo morning practice
4. Get out of bed
5. Make tea and breakfast
6. Drink tea and eat breakfast at PC, take pills, and read emails
7. Ablutions
1. Shower
2. Deodorant
3. Brush teeth
4. Brush hair
8. Figure out clothes
9. Dress
10. Check bag(s)
11. Shoes
12. Coat
13. "Recitation"
14. Leave house

Scenario

I woke up late and didn't have time for breakfast and/or showering. I now have forgotten my medications - all of them - and don't know when to have lunch or dinner. 

Coping & Variations

I have coped partially with these by creating alternate routines - so I can't drop the faff time at the beginning, because that's literally part of waking up for me.

If I know I will have problems because of an early start, I also buy eat-as-I-travel breakfast, although drink-tea isn't movable. Not having that one means forgetting pills, which is a bigger problem.

Ablutions. I've learned that I can swap Shower with Wash-at-Sink, which saves hair and drying time. I still have to ensure that the rest is done in order, or I will forget one or more of them. Yes, I have left the house and then realised I forgot to brush may hair. It's a thing.

Choosing clothes has always been an issue. I really miss school and uniforms - at least the most you had to figure out was what version of navy skirt / knitwear was clean!

I only check bags in the morning, because I always try wherever possible to pack things the night before. Why? Because that was what I was told as a child, and it stuck. Plus it works! I find packing things I need to remember to take with me BEFORE I go to bed helps a) reduce anxiety in the morning and b) gives a much better chance of me remembering unusual-thing! My mother was wise here! So, end result is that I check that I put x into my bag, which is calming to see, but I don't have to run around and find it while I'm in the Getting Ready Routine.

I then move into the, again non-negotiable, putting on of shoes and coat. I can adjust what footwear I choose, and when being given a list, I may do things like:

• Put on ballet flats
• Put DM boots in bag with spare socks
• Take boots separately

I do this workaround a lot when at my parents', so there I try to always put the bag my boots go in on top of them the night before, and I keep the same thick outer socks for the week - I don't care if they smell when I'm walking home!

Figuring out weather conditions, and whether to wear a heavy coat, rain coat, light hoodie, or even just a cardigan is still a big issue for me that I need to work around a bit better. Maybe I should invest in a pack-a-mac to keep in my bag, so that I only have to consider warmth levels? I hate the texture of them though, which puts me off. Something to think on!

Other People

Other people in the household can also make or break my routines. If I have to wake up A to get my lift, then that can really get in the way of my routine, as I have to figure out where in MY routine to add "Start A on their routine" for things to go smoothly.

On the positive side of this, my wonderful spouse really helps me. If I wake up late, and they know I'm panicking (or likely to be panicking), I may find that tea and breakfast appear in front of me so that I can merge "Faff time" with "Breakfast", and then go straight into getting my body ready for departure. This has proved invaluable a number of times!

ASD and Habits

 Just a short one today on habits, losing habits, and ND living.

I've recently been talking to a counsellor who specialises in working with those with neurodivergences, like me. One thing she has drawn my attention to recently is the fact that many neurodivergent brains struggle to/cannot form habits. We can form repetitions which can appear to others on the outside AS habits, but they are different from neurotypical habits. If we get knocked out of our habits, then we have to consciously begin again at the start in forming them - apparently neurotypicals can just "pick up where they left off". That floored me, and has helped in readdressing how I feel about myself.

I'll put up something longer another day on routines vs habits, but the short which is relevant here is that when I lost a "habit" due to my routine altering, I felt bad. Not bad, stupid, idiotic, incompetent... and more importantly, I didn't have the available brain cycles to re-add the lost habit. Whatever external (or internal) thing happened which caused me to "lose" the habit, was also often impeding my ability to re-establish non-vital things into me new routine. And I feel useless about that. I can be so accommodating with others when "life gets in the way", but not with myself.

Writing on here got lost in that. I tried to force myself into a habit of writing at least once a month Or Else (internal pressure here!). What happened was that I felt trapped, and then when changes due to (I think) going on holiday got in the way, I just felt so incompetent that I made it into a self-fulfilling prophecy - "I'm too incompetent to do this thing regularly - see!". So, what has changed? Not a lot, if I'm honest. Do I think I'll manage to update regularly from now on? Maaaaaaaaybe, but probably not! What has changed is that if I write something here, it's a Good Thing. If I don't, then it's NOT a Bad Thing, it's just A Thing. Will I feel guilty? Gods yes, I don't think I can retrain my brain that much just yet!!

So where now? I'm going to draft up a couple of things that are in my brain, and then we shall see. Maybe more in the way of general life updates. Maybe more ASD/ND stuff that's been percolating around for a while. Maybe more costuming stuff as and when - possibly less of that because I really don't have any self-confidence around this area still so sharing stuff feels far more raw and exposing, plus the group I was associated with I currently feel as welcome as a fart in a lift (which might be just me overthinking, but I need(ed) space to process). Hmm, that might also be something I write - "On Processing". I am fairly sure I'm talking into the void on here, but if so, I might also put some more professional-related stuff on too. I have an idea gestating about alt-ac, and how to NOT approach libraries as an alt-ac profession...

In the event that the void wants to read any of those, or even something related I've not suggested, do say as I can think on that too...

Current in-draft-unwritten-thoughts:

• Faith and ASD - my perspective
• Current costuming project (a rant one will probably be a quickie upcoming), probably with some ND related content
• My habits and routines - where they are fixed, and where I currently have found workarounds
• Reflective writing and ASD - what I find hard about this
• Counselling - what I've learned
• How Not to Alt-Ac
• Differences (for me) between professional conferences and academic ones
• How having an ND boss has caused me to rethink things about professional-me
• General life babble - I may try to make that a monthly thing, with "proper" posts written more ad-hoc.
• Things I've Read Recently - more of a "here's a link" thing than book/article reviews
• Article reviews - to help with Reflective Writing issues, then summaries of articles every once in a while might be good for me.

Of all the above, I don't plan for any to be regular or soon, except possibly the life babble. Maybe doing that "light" writing will help me write one or more "proper" posts too? Who knows!