Books and That, #2 (October 2022)

 Things I've Read Recently

• Uncanny Magazine, 48
• BBC History Magazine, September 2022 - some articles only

Books - any format

• The Grief of Stones / Katherine Addison
• The sequel to The Witness for the Dead, focussing again on Thara Celehar. This was as awesome as I had hoped, and has left me feeling very sad that The Tomb of Dragons isn't even published yet!
• Min Zemerin's Plan / Katherine Addison
• Having realised that The Tomb of Dragons is at least a year away from me, I was rather pleased to see that there was a short story in the series that I could read right now. This is short, but has everything I love about the world in it. I hope that the characters in this show up at least tangentially in the novel(s), as I'd love to see how they get on in future.
• Mr Godey's Ladies / Robert Kunciov
• I spotted this on eBay for a couple of quid and thought "Why Not?". It's a small book, but covers the span of the 19th Century US ladies' fashion magazine Godey's Ladies Book. The plates from the originals of this serial are very popular for costume research, and the book reprints a number of these in colour, though not at full size as the book itself is only the size of a standard paperback (although printed in a hardcover format). It also has line drawings from the magazines printed throughout, and alongside the descriptions printed at the time. Kunciov doesn't seem to have written anything else on the subject that I can find, but in this book he manages to provide commentary on the magazines, fashions, and their historical context without distracting from the original texts.
• North and South / Elizabeth Gaskell (Clare Wille, narrator)
• I haven't finished this yet - I'm currently 3 hours in.
• The President's Brain is Missing / John Scalzi
  
• I randomly picked this to read before bed the other night. It's fun, it's a bit silly, and it was just right for a before-sleep read! 

Term has started for my Russian classes (C1 now), so I'm also reading various Russian language texts, but I'm not counting those here for leisure reading.

Meanderings, Mostly on reading this year and Brain chaos

So this post is partly looking back on a post I first wrote in September 2020 but only just got around to tidying off and releasing (On self-help and neurodiverse (support) communities), and partly just on me and reading this year. I feel these topics are related.

I'll begin by sharing an image that ADHD Alien / Pina shared recently. This one was a big OUCH moment for me to see, because it's absolutely where I am right now!

Neurodiversity Update

So, after sitting and mulling on this for at least a year, I've come to face that I may be at least slightly ADHD in addition to my existing ASD diagnosis. I've tried to prove to myself that I don't have ADHD traits, and I'm failing. I also still find (see the post linked above) that ADHD-related "hacks" often help me far more than pure ASD related ones. The more I researched to "prove" that I don't have anything like ADHD, the more I found things which helped to explain why my ASD presentation wasn't textbook despite my high assessment results.

Accepting these "failings", however has proved to be a benefit. Saying out loud that I can't do X because Y, has helped me see ways past the inability to do the thing and to find alternative ways to get to the goal instead. For example, keeping my office tidy.

I have loads of rubbish in my room, and empty cups, and old plates, plus parts of incomplete projects, and so on. It's awful and I hate it, because ironically having my environment look like my brain feels is a direct impediment for me to achieve anything. But I kept forgetting to empty the bin, or put a new liner in, or simply move the rubbish from Point of Creation to Bin. An ADHDer (I think it was on a hacks Facebook group) suggested that this is from trying to live as a neurotypical. Instead they suggested that it might be more productive to go back to the fundamentals and solve the actual problem without thinking about expectations. So, using the example of bins - established thinking is that you have a bin per room and move items to the bin, but if your brain doesn't work that way, perhaps it's better to just have bins at each point of rubbish generation regardless of how many are in that location. So I now have a paper bin near my cutting mat, for pattern paper offcuts, and because I used to overfill and then forget or knock over the "normal" sized bin by my desk, I now have an entire bin liner tied to one of the clamps on my desk, which I change every bin day. Why a bin liner? Well, I don't have space for a hard bin that size, but a liner kinda tucks under a corner of my desk. Plus "emptying" is as simple as untying, knotting the top, and taking it outside. No interim tasks to distract me along the way.

Distractibility and Hyperfocus

Accepting my own distractibility has been another thing I'm working on. For a long time this has been something I've struggled to accept about myself as I thought it directly contradicted my ASD diagnosis. But it doesn't.

ASD means that when I'm in the task, I'm IN it, and I dive all the way in.

Distractibility means that between dives I can get totally waylaid, and that my next deep dive may not be anywhere close to what I NEED to be doing, or even what I want to be doing!

For example:

• Working on Task A, dive deeply, but then need some information from an email to continue.
• Tab to emails
• Get distracted reading emails, respond to 3 unrelated emails
• Attend a meeting
• Do Task B
• Go to close at the end of the day and realise that Task A wasn't completed because I never actually retrieve the information I went to get.

Example 2:

• Working on Task A, which involves using programmes on 2 screens, and occasionally a third window. I don't deep dive, but I do focus intently
• Tab between tasks, and accidentally bring the wrong screen up, perhaps Reddit, or my emails, or an article I was reading at lunch
• Get distracted by the content of the screen I'm now looking at, even more likely if it has an alert, a "new post" note, or a notification tab.
• Eventually remember and go back to Task A and have to spend 10-15 minutes staring to remember wtf I was doing, with negative time points if the page I was in has timed out and is at a login or home screen again.
• Repeat all bloody day

Example 3:

• Doing Task A
• Email pings
• Check email and see it's junk or not for me or nothing with an action
• Read 50 emails unrelated to current Task
• Reminder pings to start Task B, breaking the Read Random Emails hyperfocus
• Remember and go back to Task A, while panicking about Task B
  
  
• This scenario is worse if the ping is my phone, because while I may only be checking for Important Messages, the amount of potentially distracting notifications on my phone is likely to be exponentially worse!

I've found Teams, while more initially distracting, is less executively distracting because it's fairly discrete - message pings, stay distracted for length of specific conversation, return to work. For this reason, I've found I prefer to turn to Teams to communicate when I'm "inside" a Task, instead of emailing. Emails involve thought - who to send to and whether To, CC, or BCC; Salutation; All the text needs to be clear - Teams chat has more space for clarification; and so on. Teams is "Hi, ~request~, Thanks!" and then discuss. Teams can also be "Um, do you know who to ask about X?", with a fast reply. Responses can be reactions, and it's far easier to upload images for Issue logging. And you can go DND and not get pings for the duration of a task!

In my own life this can play out in one of two major ways, plus an extra exec dysfunction addendum.

1. Distraction into a related thing

This happens a lot when I'm in the planning stages for an outfit. I can get distracted into deep diving into a random aspect of the costume, and one which ultimately doesn't really matter - e.g. all the varieties of shoes and boots worn in a specific year... Or the varieties in collars worn at that time, when what I actually needed to work on at that point was just whether Fabric A was a good choice to buy for this project.

2. Distraction because I'm overwhelmed and procrastinating

This most often happens when I am overwhelmed by the amount to do in a project, so in trying to break it down into smaller parts, I overfocus on something utterly insignificant to the detriment of the main components of the project. For example, at school ensuring that I underlined a title twice in a specific colour, rather than starting to write the introduction, and getting to the end of the period with a PERFECT title and no text. Yes, been there, done that!

3. Executive Dysfunction meaning I've got stuck in wrong task

This is one of the most irritating parts, for me. I'm doing something I don't even want to be doing, because my brain is not letting me switch to the thing I want to do. For example, playing a game when I actually want to go to bed. In this latter situation, I've very lucky that my spouse will come to me, ask me "do you need help", and then helps me break focus on the thing that's gripping me, and move onto bed, or showering, or going out, whatever it is that I would actually prefer to be doing. This help is invaluable because I need that external push to re-start my brain into a more productive/constructive direction. It's also, I suspect, sometimes the cause of brain weasels, thought spirals, and some of my panic attacks. My brain literally can't switch from Thought A, even though I want to, without some external input. I am very lucky to have someone to help me like this without judgement. 

~~~

Reading, Relaxing, and Resting

I'm on leave today, and I'm SO glad because frankly my brain has been hissing at me like this for quite a while! I need to take leave more frequently and not to do things, just to relax and reset. I find that I mostly take my leave to do things, to go places, or to focus on NotWork tasks. Which means I don't have time off to just read, just rest, just play games, and if I don't start doing this I'm going to burn out. This is especially important as I've been working full time since August, and may be permanently doing at least 0.8FTE in future. If I am going to work more hours, I need to carve out conscious brain rest times too, as I won't have my afternoons to do whatever the fuck I like (or nap, often it's just nap). That said, I have 3 more days I can book (well 11 hours, which is 3 "days"+0.5 hours). At least one of those is going to be so I can play Dragonflight on release day, because Why the Fuck NOT!

So what has this got to do with reading? Well, I love reading, it has been a joy in my life for as long as I can remember. I was a hyperlexic child, and started reading by about 2 - my mother remembers having to briefly step away one evening during my night-time story, and returning a few minutes later to find me trying to figure out the words so I could carry on with the story. Reading is part of my self-identity that I've never surrendered. However, I've repeatedly complained over the past 7/8 years I've been in my current job that I no longer seem to have the times to read - there was something for me about commuting and having a timetabled lunch break that meant I had defined reading times. Since being in my current job, which I love, I neither commute nor have set lunch breaks. Nor do I have people I want to have space from for a while during my breaks, especially now I'm home working. I'm trying to get myself into the habit/routine of reading before bed at least a few nights a week. I've been subscribed to Uncanny Magazine and Apex Magazine for a few years via Kickstarter, so I'm using these as my intentional evening reading. As both are collections of short stories (and long-shorts) they give me a definite thing to read, but which has a clear boundary that is easier to stick to than "Just One Chapter", but which I can go over if I have the spoons. At the same time, if I'm really tired one short story isn't so overwhelming as to put me off unlike starting a new book.

However, I'm also planning to sit down and work through the stack of library books I've borrowed but not read on the days where I'm using up my leave for this year. I've got the following 14 titles out on loan:

• Regent's Park : from Tudor hunting ground to the present / Rabbitts
• Elsewhens / Rawn
• The way of all flesh / Parry
• The hundred thousand kingdoms / Jemisin
• Thorn / Khanani
• The hunt / Neill
• Children of blood and bone / Adeyemi
• Blood of elves / Sapkowski
• Redemption's blade : after the war / Tchaikovsky
• Cursor's fury / Butcher
• Shadow and bone / Bardugo
• In ashes lie / Brennan
• The ten thousand doors of January / Harrow
• ✔ The grief of stones / Addison 

I read The Grief of Stones on my way back from my parents' at the beginning of October, so I'd like to get at least one more library book finished before the end of the month. I'd also like to get the current Apex issue read. Tomorrow, however, is for sewing / craft related shenanigans instead. Since I didn't manage to go to the Mrs Gaskell event due to sickness, I want to push that outfit into at least "better" territory (post to come on that process).

Books and That, #1 (September 2022)

Things I've Read Recently

I have three magazines currently on subscription, plus a load of back issues from all three PLUS Mermaids Monthly, which ran for a year in 2020/21. Uncanny Magazine and Apex Magazine I back each year through Kickstarter at the subscription level, and my Dad bought me a sub for BBC History about 15 years ago for Christmas and never seems to have cancelled it, to my joy. Uncanny and Apex are both SF & Fantasy short story journals, and BBC History is a non-fiction semi-academic serial - the articles are usually written by academics, but with a popular history focus and style.

• Uncanny Magazine, 48
• Apex Magazine, 133
  
• BBC History Magazine, September 2022

Books - any format

• Spin / Robert Charles Wilson
• September bookgroup book.
  Interesting, and enjoyable. I liked the characters and enjoyed the story, I'm just not sure that I am desperate to read the remaining books in the series. This one ended on a perfectly satisfactory note, and I'm content waving characters off into their Brave New Future without having to see it...
• The Starless Sea / Erin Morgenstern
• This has the same feel as her earlier book, The Night Circus. For me, both of these were books that kept me intrigued and therefore kept me reading. Because her books are very twisty, I find that I can't just leave them because there is no way for me to figure out exactly where she is going with all her characters. She is a master of feeding you just enough information to keep the story interesting and moving, without signposting where she's going all the time. 
• The Witness for the Dead / Katherine Addison
• I adored the Goblin Emperor, and I've realised that I love books about new worlds and with heavy world creation in them. The story in The Goblin Emperor was cleanly finished, so I was worried about how this was going to be a series without screwing around with characters. This works, however, because she's moving different characters to the forefront of the story, ones who were important and about whom we felt had More To Know. One of The Goblin Emperor's strengths was the way in which characters were introduced, and that it was clear that they had their own story, but that the author didn't distract us from the actual story by running off after them.
  This, to me, is a great way of dealing with that - each important but non-action central character gains their own book later. It reminds me of the way in which academic research could send you off down fascinating rabbit holes. They wouldn't fit properly into your thesis, but by turning them into articles or conference papers allowed you to follow your thread to it's natural stopping point without damaging the storyline of your thesis work.
  Like The Goblin Emperor, this is a gentle book, even when there are scenes of action, fear and/or danger, I always felt a certain sense of confort while reading them. I'm looking forward to picking up the next book from the Library in October - it's waiting for me now!
• A Master of Djinn / P. Djèlí Clark
• I was initially both pleased and disappointed to see the synopsis of this novel. I'd loved all the short stories the author had already written in this world, but I had a preference for the protagonist of The Haunting of Tram Car 015. However Fatma, the protagonist of the novel and others of the prequel shorts, won me over fairly quickly and I enjoyed her leading role. Other characters we met previously also make cameo (or more meaty) roles, which was pleasant. I love this semi-steampunk alternate historical Cairo setting, especially as I was getting exceedingly bored of yet another novel set in the US.
• Who Fears Death / Nnedi Okorafor
• This is again a welcome change of setting for me. It was a hard book, but one I enjoyed. I feel that having aphantasia made it less traumatic to read for me than for many others, so I would counsel anyone with a history of SA to be at least aware of the themes before reading. Did I like the end? No, but also yes. This book took me a long time to read, but unintentionally. I had just started reading it as my commuting book when lockdown happened, and I lost my "enforced reading time", which I'm only just starting to reclaim. Every time I managed to sit down with it, I was disappointed to stop, but then it would be months before I got another chunk of it done. So, on holiday this year I chose one day to just read so I could sit down to finish it all at once. It was worth the effort.

I currently have about 8 books on the go, plus another dozen out from the library (either print, ebook, or audio), so for the rest of this year my plan is to try to whittle those down as much as possible. 

One thing I've given myself, is 15-45 minutes every night to read something - chapter of a book, a short story, an article, doesn't matter. I started when I came back from a conference in Wales earlier this month, and it was lovely. By setting myself small targets, I think I can cheese my brain out of "but I never have the time"... 

Things Suggested to Me

Things I haven't read as of yet, but intend to track down.

1. The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills (Amazon link)

Habits, Rituals & Routines, Part 1

I am neurodiverse. 

I have confirmed, diagnosed, profound ASD. It has also been suggested that I may have some ADHD traits (which may explain other things about my presentation, but that's a musing for later).

I have lots of habits. 

Or so I thought. I have rituals and routines. If I don't follow these in the correct order, each time, then it all falls apart. 

Sometimes "falling apart" is displayed as "Screws up the whole day" - e.g. this is my normal routine fora day when I am immediately leaving the house.

1. Alarm
2. Sit up
3. Faff time - check phone, play game, do Duolingo morning practice
4. Get out of bed
5. Make tea and breakfast
6. Drink tea and eat breakfast at PC, take pills, and read emails
7. Ablutions
1. Shower
2. Deodorant
3. Brush teeth
4. Brush hair
8. Figure out clothes
9. Dress
10. Check bag(s)
11. Shoes
12. Coat
13. "Recitation"
14. Leave house

Scenario

I woke up late and didn't have time for breakfast and/or showering. I now have forgotten my medications - all of them - and don't know when to have lunch or dinner. 

Coping & Variations

I have coped partially with these by creating alternate routines - so I can't drop the faff time at the beginning, because that's literally part of waking up for me.

If I know I will have problems because of an early start, I also buy eat-as-I-travel breakfast, although drink-tea isn't movable. Not having that one means forgetting pills, which is a bigger problem.

Ablutions. I've learned that I can swap Shower with Wash-at-Sink, which saves hair and drying time. I still have to ensure that the rest is done in order, or I will forget one or more of them. Yes, I have left the house and then realised I forgot to brush may hair. It's a thing.

Choosing clothes has always been an issue. I really miss school and uniforms - at least the most you had to figure out was what version of navy skirt / knitwear was clean!

I only check bags in the morning, because I always try wherever possible to pack things the night before. Why? Because that was what I was told as a child, and it stuck. Plus it works! I find packing things I need to remember to take with me BEFORE I go to bed helps a) reduce anxiety in the morning and b) gives a much better chance of me remembering unusual-thing! My mother was wise here! So, end result is that I check that I put x into my bag, which is calming to see, but I don't have to run around and find it while I'm in the Getting Ready Routine.

I then move into the, again non-negotiable, putting on of shoes and coat. I can adjust what footwear I choose, and when being given a list, I may do things like:

• Put on ballet flats
• Put DM boots in bag with spare socks
• Take boots separately

I do this workaround a lot when at my parents', so there I try to always put the bag my boots go in on top of them the night before, and I keep the same thick outer socks for the week - I don't care if they smell when I'm walking home!

Figuring out weather conditions, and whether to wear a heavy coat, rain coat, light hoodie, or even just a cardigan is still a big issue for me that I need to work around a bit better. Maybe I should invest in a pack-a-mac to keep in my bag, so that I only have to consider warmth levels? I hate the texture of them though, which puts me off. Something to think on!

Other People

Other people in the household can also make or break my routines. If I have to wake up A to get my lift, then that can really get in the way of my routine, as I have to figure out where in MY routine to add "Start A on their routine" for things to go smoothly.

On the positive side of this, my wonderful spouse really helps me. If I wake up late, and they know I'm panicking (or likely to be panicking), I may find that tea and breakfast appear in front of me so that I can merge "Faff time" with "Breakfast", and then go straight into getting my body ready for departure. This has proved invaluable a number of times!

ASD and Habits

 Just a short one today on habits, losing habits, and ND living.

I've recently been talking to a counsellor who specialises in working with those with neurodivergences, like me. One thing she has drawn my attention to recently is the fact that many neurodivergent brains struggle to/cannot form habits. We can form repetitions which can appear to others on the outside AS habits, but they are different from neurotypical habits. If we get knocked out of our habits, then we have to consciously begin again at the start in forming them - apparently neurotypicals can just "pick up where they left off". That floored me, and has helped in readdressing how I feel about myself.

I'll put up something longer another day on routines vs habits, but the short which is relevant here is that when I lost a "habit" due to my routine altering, I felt bad. Not bad, stupid, idiotic, incompetent... and more importantly, I didn't have the available brain cycles to re-add the lost habit. Whatever external (or internal) thing happened which caused me to "lose" the habit, was also often impeding my ability to re-establish non-vital things into me new routine. And I feel useless about that. I can be so accommodating with others when "life gets in the way", but not with myself.

Writing on here got lost in that. I tried to force myself into a habit of writing at least once a month Or Else (internal pressure here!). What happened was that I felt trapped, and then when changes due to (I think) going on holiday got in the way, I just felt so incompetent that I made it into a self-fulfilling prophecy - "I'm too incompetent to do this thing regularly - see!". So, what has changed? Not a lot, if I'm honest. Do I think I'll manage to update regularly from now on? Maaaaaaaaybe, but probably not! What has changed is that if I write something here, it's a Good Thing. If I don't, then it's NOT a Bad Thing, it's just A Thing. Will I feel guilty? Gods yes, I don't think I can retrain my brain that much just yet!!

So where now? I'm going to draft up a couple of things that are in my brain, and then we shall see. Maybe more in the way of general life updates. Maybe more ASD/ND stuff that's been percolating around for a while. Maybe more costuming stuff as and when - possibly less of that because I really don't have any self-confidence around this area still so sharing stuff feels far more raw and exposing, plus the group I was associated with I currently feel as welcome as a fart in a lift (which might be just me overthinking, but I need(ed) space to process). Hmm, that might also be something I write - "On Processing". I am fairly sure I'm talking into the void on here, but if so, I might also put some more professional-related stuff on too. I have an idea gestating about alt-ac, and how to NOT approach libraries as an alt-ac profession...

In the event that the void wants to read any of those, or even something related I've not suggested, do say as I can think on that too...

Current in-draft-unwritten-thoughts:

• Faith and ASD - my perspective
• Current costuming project (a rant one will probably be a quickie upcoming), probably with some ND related content
• My habits and routines - where they are fixed, and where I currently have found workarounds
• Reflective writing and ASD - what I find hard about this
• Counselling - what I've learned
• How Not to Alt-Ac
• Differences (for me) between professional conferences and academic ones
• How having an ND boss has caused me to rethink things about professional-me
• General life babble - I may try to make that a monthly thing, with "proper" posts written more ad-hoc.
• Things I've Read Recently - more of a "here's a link" thing than book/article reviews
• Article reviews - to help with Reflective Writing issues, then summaries of articles every once in a while might be good for me.

Of all the above, I don't plan for any to be regular or soon, except possibly the life babble. Maybe doing that "light" writing will help me write one or more "proper" posts too? Who knows!

September Musings

 So, I've been guilting myself a lot over what I haven't achieved in the last few months, and I need to stop that. For our own mental and physical health, sometimes we need to have a break, even from the things we do for fun. I needed that break to stop things sliding into obligations instead of fun...

To that end, while I am going to continue writing down each month my plans for that month, I'm only going to do a "what I did" roughly each quarter. I'm also going to count Research for projects as a genuine part of one, not just the bit that comes first. I shall also share the things I've been eyeing up on eBay or auction sites, regardless of whether I will even try to imitate the item or to buy it.

I will keep a running tally of books I've read recently, as I find this is professionally soothing too. 

Speaking of professional matters, I've been remarkably quiet on that front in a very long time. Currently I've feeling very sidelined at work, and due to a reshuffle internally I have also become very aware of the lack of options for progression where I am. I love what I do, and enjoy working with all my colleagues (a feat in itself at some places I've worked!), but now that I've seen that truth I can't unsee it. I don't want to be here in this exact role, earning close to the same wage, for another 25+ years, so I need to look at how I would move on. What skills do "next step" jobs require as essentials which I lack (mostly the old chestnut of 'extensive management experience', which I can't get because I don't have it already), what parts of my job do I need to focus on and what parts can I let go of or delegate. I have applied to a couple of roles speculatively, and got one interview. Unless that interview miraculously turns into a positive job offer*, I plan to spend the next year actively setting myself up for my next role whatever that may be. Work have subscribed us all to LinkedIn learning, so I will go through that this weekend, note down everything I feel will add to my skill-set positively, and then add those to my list for my next PDR as that is conveniently up for review shortly. Basically I am taking the initial resentment and dissatisfaction and reshaping that into motivation and forward professional momentum. It's very easy to be unhappy where you are and yet do nothing to improve that. There are some definite positives in remaining where I am for the next year or so, but I am now realising that I need to simultaneously plan my exit strategy. 

*Positive job offer, because not all offers are positive nor are they roles you want to take after your interview experience.

Exit Strategy

• Identify essential skills I am lacking
• Find ways to meet those requirements either within work, or by taking on a role outside work
• Identify skills which I have and want to improve, as this would be an area I desire to work with more
• Work on those skills
• Monitor job alerts - both nationally and internationally
• Identify locations and sectors I am willing to work in
• Where I see something I like, start the application form - even if I don't submit it, the process will be valuable for identifying areas I need to reinforce
• If I see roles that are two steps ahead of me now, note their requirements and add those into my skill-set plan - while I might not be able to do that now, I don't really want to be in exactly the same situation in 5-10 years hence.

What I've Read (since July because backlog!)

Piranesi

Black Moth / Georgette Heyer (audiobook)

Life Planning

 Following on from my last post, I think I need to schedule some kind of life planning schema for my future. What do I want to do, what do I need to do/be/have in order to do this, and then a plan to work on an aspect of this each month. This plan is going to structured in such as way as to not constrain anything in particular to a specific day or date, but which acknowledges the factors necessary to achieve each step of the journey. I also accept and embrace that I may decide that certain factors are no longer of interest or important to me any more. 

We change, we adapt, and that's not bad!

This is version 0.1 of my "the rest of my life" plan. The format will be:

Ultimate goal - the final aim of this "thread"

Subordinate goals - goals which need to be separately aimed for in order to progress to the Ultimate Goal

Tasks - thinks that need to be done to achieve either Ultimate or Subordinate goals

Maintenance tasks - things that need to be done regularly or repeatedly in order to continue progress towards Ultimate and Subordinate goals. Like sleeping, these tasks don't necessarily take you closer to your goal each time, but completing them enables you to work on the other tasks, which do progress things.

I will include a flow-chart-like thing, which is to show how certain tasks filter into other tasks.

This layout works for craft projects, housework, anything really!

Today I am just going to write out my Ultimate Goals, and then a few wishy-washy things I have wanted but am not sure whether they still fit with me-now...

Ultimate Goals

Family:

Children - IF means not biological, so working towards DE and adoption.

Living - nearer to family OR nearer to access to family

House - slightly bigger, with a proper kitchen, a separate eating and resting room, and space for crafting. Home office if that remains a consideration

Career:

Earn more

Location

Work/life ratio

Responsibilities

Importance to organisation

Academics

Language skills - Russian to MA level

Further study - restart/continue MA studies; translation studies

More subjects - take course on geology, take course on corsetry, take course on pattern grading

Leisure activities

Sewing all my own clothes

Learn to grade clothes

Complete set of clothes for each decade from 1800

End of July -- Summer Holidays

 Just a quick post this month.

When you read this I shall be on my much needed holiday! My cousin is getting married (or will be married by the time this posts), so we've combined a holiday near the wedding location with the ceremony itself. I've been looking forward to this for a while, although as of writing this, being surrounded by that many people is terrifying! Oh, and we're also doing "Christmas" this week as well, as we've not been able to meet up face-to-face since last summer...

I'm not putting up anything from July, as I want to be able to include whatever I complete while away as well. Therefore the usual X into Y post will wait until the first Sunday in September, and will include both July AND August "What I Did" lists.

Have a good start to the Summer, everyone! Oh, and I guess I ought to wish Happy Winter to the antipodeans?

2021 Q3 & Q4 Reading Plan

As mentioned in my June/July post, I have decided to write a rough idea of the books and stories I hope to read in the second half of 2021. These include books for the Hugo Awards 2021 and Advance Reader Copies which I've received, as well as books currently on loan from the library. I'm splitting this list into four categories: Have to Read, Need to Read, and Want to Read, and then Non-Fiction.

Have to Read

These are books which have deadlines within 2021 for any reason

• Hugo Award 2021
• Book Group selections (although I don't always complete each month's book and sometimes can't participate)
• Review copies (mostly Secret Readers, but also Netgalley)

Need to Read

These are books that I've borrowed, either physically or digitally, from the library. As with the Have to group, they have due dates but unlike the above list, they can be renewed, extended, or re-borrowed later. Some books will (mentally at least) be moved from this list to Have to if I can't renew it for any reason - I do NOT want another 6 month break in a book before being able to finish it as I'm currently having with The House in the Cerulean Sea!!

Want to Read

Books which I have to hand (digitally or physically) and that I want to read, but which have no external deadlines beyond personal desire to read them. Also books which aren't in the above two categories, but which need to be finished off.

Non-Fiction

Non-fiction is harder to read as I find that I read it differently from the way I read fiction works. I make notes and generally read non-fiction much more closely and carefully, and thus it takes a LOT longer. On the other hand, it's much easier for me to pick it up and put down after a few paragraphs or a chapter. For these reasons, I'm listing NF books separately...

I am also adding here a list of "Not quite books", which is mostly related works stuff for the Hugo Awards.

Book List

Have to Read

Hugo Award 2021

Deadline: 18/19 November 2021

Official List of the 2021 Finalists

My list below is an edited version of the official list, above, based on which works are actually included in the packet; for series, I've also edited out the books which I've already read. This list is in alphabetical order by author. I have then made a reordered list of the titles in the order I (currently) plan to read them...

Categories I plan to read and vote in are:

• Best Short Story - 6 works
• Best Novella - 6 works
• Best Novelette - 6 works
• Best Novel - 4 works + 2 excerpts
• Best Series - 6 series. 
• Scalzi - 1 work
• Wells - 2 works (plus I have the 4 preceding novellas)
• Kowal - 6 shorts + 1 excerpt
• Kuang - 3 works
• Chakraborty - 3 works (1 read already)
• McGuire - 14 novels (8 read already), plus numerous shorts
• Astounding Award - if time - 3 works + 3 extracts
• Lodestar Award - if time - 4 works + 2 excerpts
• Best Related Work - if time - 4 works (1 book, 3 essays)

I currently have just short of 20 19 weeks to complete all the reading. My plan at present is to read a mixture each week. Last year I did them category by category, and struggled to finish all the categories I wanted to vote in. To avoid that, I want to read a mixture of longer and shorter works each week, if not a strict, one-of-each-per-week scenario. I have worked out a rough draft of what I intend to read each week, for a few reasons:

a) Ensuring that I am not rushing into reading them all in the same week - I do NOT want 2 weeks of 4 hours sleep again!!

b) Making sure that I factor in books with shorter deadlines (e.g. book group books, review copies)

c) Keeping series reads together (Hugo awards), across multiple weeks if necessary

d) Allowing space to buy copies of books where either only excerpts or Book 1 of a series were provided in a packet. I'll probably only do this if the series grabs me well enough that I want to place it more carefully

e) Adding more books in weeks when I'm travelling, on holiday; less on my birthday week; and putting the audiobook reviews to align with when I'm expecting to be doing more sewing and thus less able to read print.

Book Group selections

• ✔ The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden - July 
• The Way of All Flesh by Ambrose Parry - August
• ? by ? - September
• ? by ? - October
• ? by ? - November
• ? by ? - December

Review copies (+ archive date)

• A Death in the Family by Caroline Dunsford (Secret Readers)
  
• She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan (Netgalley) - 22 July
• Sylvester by Georgette Heyer (Netgalley) - ?
• Cecilia by Sandra L. Rostirolla (Netgalley) - 28 July
• The Silk Roads by Peter Frankopan, audiobook (Netgalley) - 31 August
• The Gatekeeper's Staff by Antoine Bandele, audiobook (Netgalley) - 4 August

Need to Read

Finishing off:

• Who Fears Death by Nnedi Okorofor

Other Library books:

Unstarted library books, assuming that they are not reserved

• Blood of Elves by Sapkowski
• A Peace Divided by Tanya Huff
• The Hunt by C Neill
• Elsewhens by Melanie Rawn
• The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by N.K. Jemisin
• Children of Blood and Bone by T Adeyemi
• Cursor's Fury by Jim Butcher
• Redemption's Blade by Adrian Tchaikovsky

I also have book 2 in the Daevabad series on loan, but since I also have the ebook via the Hugos, I'll return the hard copy so someone else can borrow it. My intention, renewals permitting, is to finish off these books in the period from Hugo submission to the end of 2021, so that I can start afresh in 2022 as far as library books certainly.

Want to Read

Finishing off:

• The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemison
• Into the London Fog by Elizabeth Dearnley
• The Island of Sodor by Revd W. Awdry
• Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons
• A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine
• The City in the Middle of the Night by Charlie Jane Anders
• The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley
• Middlegame by Seanan McGuire

On my shelves:

These are books which are staring at me plaintively, but are mine already.

• Prudence (re-read) by Gail Carriger
• Imprudence by Gail Carriger
• Competence by Gail Carriger
• Reticence by Gail Carriger
• Strange Brew (anthology)
• Of Wars, and Memories, and Starlight by Aliette de Bodard

Non-Fiction

Finishing off:

• Regent's Park by Paul Rabbitts
• The Machine Breaker Convicts (MA Thesis) by Bruce W. Brown
• Belief and Unbelief in Medieval Europe by John H. Arnold

Not Quite Books List

.

June into July

How in HELL did it get to the end of June ALREADY?! Work is ramping up for me, as Summer is one of my busy times - most changes get held off until there are the least amount of students registered, which is usually the Summer Vacation period. I'm also getting ready to go on holiday at the end of July, and I cannot wait! I delayed this post a little as I wanted to have time to write and to finish off some bit over the weekend. In general, I've decided to include the first weekend of the month as part of both the previous AND current month, depending on whether I'm referring to completing or to starting a task. To clarify, that means that for things I have finished off this weekend, they count for June, but anything I start this weekend are part of July's Completed list. So the craft projects I've been working on throughout June are being completed today and tomorrow, but the book I have started today (Saturday) is being counted under July's reading list.

 

Unfortunately I was unable to get to the Re-enactors' Market this month, as although Coventry isn't too far from here, door to door the journey is a nightmare by public transport. That said, I didn't exactly have tons of cash to spend anyway, so maybe it was for the best!

Challenge for June was: "Sumer is icumen in", with a side helping of Pride Month.

Challenge for July is "Just do it!"

Forward planning:

August - Academia and Allure

September - Spooks and Secrets

Completed in June

1. Crafting
   
   Bonnet -
   

   Buckram cut out.

   Need to purchase some wire cutters to proceed further (negotiating budgets now!)

   Parasol -
   

   Frame acquired

   Geometry of pattern piece completed 

   About to cut out pattern pieces today (5th July). This is going to be a multi-month project, but that's OK!

2. Baking
   
   Oops - Christmas cake should now be done today or tomorrow (probably tomorrow because I have had 2 big panic attacks this week, so I'm pretty low on spoons). Under my current rules, however, that means it's July completion. 

3. House stuff
   

   1. More boxes moved, empties, filled, and so on.
   2. Steam cleaned the window sill and (most of) the window in landing/hallway
      Most of, because I can't reach the whole thing as it is a wide window that is above the stairs, so there reaches a point where I'm too far down the stairs to reach the window.
   3. Added decorations to the house.
   1. Floating candle arrangement on landing window over the stairs
   2. Cute owl+fake succulent on the toilet windowsill
   3. Real succulents added into some incredibly cute fox pots my husband bought me 
   4. Worked on clearing the upstairs landing. No photos though because as soon as I cleared part, it seems to get other crap covering it!
   5. Moved two inherited sewing boxes upstairs into my sewing room
   1. Box 1 belonged to my grandmother, and I have a vague memory of her saying that Grandad made it for her. It now has a permanent home underneath the part of my desk above my cutting mat as it has castors on so I can pull it in and out.
   2. Box 2, is a lovely wooden box-table thing. I've cleared out the inside, and am currently experimenting with places to put it permanently, but haven't decided where that will be yet. I've also not filled it back up - I combined the contents with existing "stock", so all my threads are together, and so on - and now I need to decide what to keep in it. I'm currently inclining towards using it for pins, needs, tape measures, and cutting things, but I'm not certain. 
   6. Cleared stairs. As with the landing, this area breeds crap, and while it IS somewhat clearer than this time last month, it's not clear per se.
   7. We've also both done bits and bobs of clearing in the kitchen and main room over the month, but still nowhere near done!

4. Reading: Books, Short stories, and Articles
   

I've done SO much better on reading this month and it feels good!

1. Frankissstein: A Love Story by Jeanette Winterson
   Book group book, listened on Audio. Narrators were brilliant. Book was... flawed. Not one I'd recommend, although I'd absolutely love to read a book by Winterson solely focussing on the historical Mary Shelley as those parts were excellent. Very confused on trans vs agender vs nonconforming, and managed to create a character who merged all three into a failure of any.
2. BBC History Magazine, May 2021
   Gradually catching up with my back issues at last!
3. Asperger's Syndrome-That Explains Everything: An Attempt to Explain Some of Everything in an Education, Social and Life Setting by Stephen Bradshaw
   Ye gods I loathed this book! It's so dated, even though it was only published in 2012/13.
4. The Bridgertons: Happily Ever After by Julia Quinn. 
   Been meaning to read this since about 2012, but never quite got around to it. Then I had a £3 off voucher for Google Play ebooks, with this being £3.99, I went for it. Then accidentally read it the same day in one sitting...
5. The American Gods Quartet by Neil Gaiman
   I read the first two books in the Quartet years ago, but I found this in my Kindle selection
   
   
6. Also finished 79% of the audiobook for The House in the Cerulean Sea. Unfortunately my loan time ran out just before finishing, and I've now got SIX MONTHS waiting list before I can finish it! *cries*

Planned for July and August

1. The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden (Book Group book for July)
2. A Death in the Family by Caroline Dunsford (Review copy)
   
   Finishing off:
3. Into the London Fog by Elizabeth Dearnley
4. The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemison
5. Who Fears Death by Nnedi Okorofor
   
   Short stories and articles
6. Lithuanian National Costume in the 19th Century and in the 2nd Half of the 20th Century: Cultural Pollution and Remains of Authenticity by Egle Kumpikaite and Rimvydas Milašius in Societies 2021, 11(1):17
7. The House of Aunts by Zen Cho
8. The Perseverance of Angela's Past Life by Zen Cho
9. Chicken Chicken Bang Bang by Zen Cho

I've also bought my Hugo subscription for 2021, so I now have to read those books too. I'm going to write a separate post for my reading planning for the rest of 2021, just so I can see a) how much I WANT to read, and then b) how much of that I read vs reading something completely different!

Working on the parason - playing with geometry to create the correct size triangle for this frame

This is the sewing box inherited from my Great Aunt, now mostly emptied except for the loose parts for my parasol frame.

The sewing box inherited from my grandmother. I have vague memories of this sitting in the corner of her sitting room when I was very small... It has a lightly padded top, covered with a soft turquoise fabric, and then sides are wood covered with a wicker effect on the outside. The wicker effect is painted a golden colour. 

Draft / mockup pieces for my Regency stays. Next step is to tack these together, and then try it on for size. The draft in in a very heavy canvas I had lying around from another project years ago. It's very stiff, but I'm hoping that I may still be able to use it as a lining layer for the final project. Yes, the pieces badly needs ironing!

Buckram pieces for the regency bonnet. Next step is to wire the edges of the pieces when I find something strong enough to cut the millinery wire I have.

My new decorations. Left is the fake succulent in the owl pot, which is in the loo, and on the right is the floating candle thing I bought for the hallway window area. The mirror is helping to lighten the space in the dreary rain we're currently having! Below them is one of my fox pots with real succulents in it. 

July Plans

Since I am not planning to do an update for the end of July, due to being on holiday, here are my plans for the next two months. I also fully intend to blur the two months together to have both Challenges running simultaneously.

Crafting

Challenge inspirations: ~Just Do IT! and Academia and Allure

July:

The aim with the July challenge is to push ourselves out of our comfort zone a little. Not necessarily doing something we'd never do, more a challenge to try that thing you want to, but were afraid of. Here's my thoughts of things I want to do but haven't had the nerve so far

1. Underwear - cording on my Regency corset
2. Crochet - complete one of the kits I bought last year from Aldi 
   
3. Or more accurately 2a. Shelter are doing a 30 day crochet challenge, which I may join in.
4. Actually finish the bloody fox toy I started sewing up last summer!
5. Petticoat for my 1950s style Hell Bunny dresses. This counts because a) I would need it for the wedding I'm attending, and b) because I've been vaguely thinking about doing this for AGES. Doing one myself, as opposed to buying one, would allow me to make it in cottons which I feel would be FAR more comfortable year-around.

August:

"Sensible" things like those worn by an academic, a teacher or a librarian. One could also be inspired by historical academia, such as astronomy, astrology, steam powered devices, armillary spheres, globes or trains. Travel, research, and natural history also are suggested here. 

In extremis of ideas or time, "I'm a librarian and I'm wearing it" will do fine!

1. Sensible clothes - Fan skirt
2. Sensible clothes - 1890s blouse
3. Book or steam train print fabric
4. Planning only - book dragon idea

Other stuff

Baking

• Finish off bread mix - either bake or dispose of
• "Christmas" cake - for "Summer Christmas"
• Variation on Cupcake Jemma's Healthy-ish breakfast muffins

Tidying 

Cleaning and tidying for July / August is likely to be proportionally less as we are planning on travelling for at least 3 weeks of the next two months. That said, there always remains innumerable tasks to do here.

I do have a tentative plan to photograph and inventory on Trello all my existing fabrics, with the remaining amounts. This should help a lot when both planning projects, and when deciding what I need to buy - I'm eternally saying "I'm though I bought some of x ages ago, but now I can't be certain", so an inventory would help me to know what I've got, and also how much remains of it. 

Shopping

Craft and non-craft related purchases:

• Wire cutters (if I can't find something to make-do with in my husband's tool stash)
• A broadly Victorian corset - probably relatively cheap.
  Mostly to use while fitting clothing, with the intention of either commissioning a custom fit one, or making one myself "sometime". I don't enjoy corsetry, but I do love the support of wearing corsets and stays. Ideally I would love to own a corset for each decade of the 19th Century, plus a late-medieval "supportive kirtle".

Draft Plans for 2021 forwards

In Progress

1. Accessories
1. Regency bonnet
2. Parasol 
2. 1820s/30s Stays
1. Breast cups work - adaptation from D cup to my more copious HH/J cup size
2. Mock-up Because needed for Regency dress mock-up
3. Buy wooden busk - bought paint stirers!
3. Circle skirt petticoat (pattern planning stage)

Planned

1. Hats
1. 1890s/Edwardian brimmed hat
2. Fan-skirt
1. Wool blend
2. 100% wool
3. Stays
1. Practice cording
2. Practice boning
3. Final version
4. Edwardian blouse / shirtwaist
   
1. Mock up
2. Final
5. 1818 Dress
1. Petticoat
2. Mock-up
3. Final
4. Decoration
6. American Duchess cape
1. As in pattern
2. Again but with a hood
7. 1890s men's three piece suit
8. 1830s men's three piece suit
9. 1950s dress(es)
10. Circle skirts (in general, because I love them)
11. 1950s tops - to go with circle skirts
12. Russian themed
1. Princess Charlotte's Russian Dress
2. Matryoshka pincushion
3. Sarafan - Vasilisa the Beautiful
4. Sarafan - Firebird (cosplay border)
13. Cycling shorts (modern, padded)
14. Cycling trousers (historical, to accommodate modern underneath)
15. Historical Cosplays
1. Bagpuss
2. Warcraft undead lady
3. Book dragon