The Base Layer

This post is about my plans for making/buying Regency era underthings for my 2021 Regency Project.

The Layers

There are three main undergarment layers in the Regency period. I own nothing suitable at present, so I will need to buy/make everything here.

1. A shift - This will be a basic, square necked garment. The purpose of this garment is to protect my outer garments from me, as in my sweat etc. The shift is easier to change and to wash, so was very important for keeping outer garments less smelly or dirty. They didn't wick everything away, but less sweat on your fine dress is still better. In the Regency era there seems to have been some variation on whether your shift had sleeves depending on what you were wearing. When worn with a long sleeve dress, it could have had short sleeves like the V&A example below, but with the very short sleeves, it may have just had a slim shoulder strap. Unlike a medieval shift (the ones I have currently!), a Regency shift has a much more open and square neckline to fit under the dress necklines of the era. Although women were still rarely showing actual cleavage at this point, the area between the neck and breastbone was more likely to be partially or completely uncovered in comparison with earlier eras. That necessitated the change in necklines.

http://collections.vam.ac.uk/item/O327719/shift-unknown/

1a. Long drawers or pantalettes. In the later Regency era, this layer sometimes also included leg coverings (see the below the stays in the next image). These could even be visible below the skirts for some women. These were two single legs gathered to a band as clothing approaching modern knickers wasn't worn by "nice" women at this point.

2. Long stays (image from the same page as the V&A shift above). Along with the change in necklines and shift patterns, this era also saw a change in undergarments. Others have done far more research than I on the changes of support garment during this era, but in summary, the main changes were a distinct "cup" area which caused/was caused by a change in how the breast tissue was shaped and supported. Prior to the introduction of the Regency silhouette, women's breast area was supported by being bound against the body, usually either with a specific boned undergarment or via the cut of their underdress or kirtle. The flimsiness of early Regency dresses seems to have triggered a need for a new type of support, which went through various iterations. In the c1818 period I am looking at, this would have been long stays. Long stays could be boned or corded, and gently contoured the body from armpit to around the hips, and seem to have included dome kind of breast cupping or pocket.

Regarding the stays I will make or buy, I read this rather interesting study, which seems to suggest that by the time I'm looking at, cording was beginning to be dominant over boning as the method of support. Depending on patterns and cost of materials, I will seriously consider whether "Harriet" would have worn an older set of stays that from 10+ years earlier, or whether she might have updated to the newest style... 

3. A petticoat which goes over the stays and protects the dress while creating an appropriate shape. Like the shift, the petticoat had been forced to change shape from earlier eras. Some Regency petticoats were hung on thin straps from a high underbust waistband, and others were entirely without straps. I am practically minded, so thin straps seem logical to reduce the risk of it slipping!

The image below also includes artificial arm puffs to boost the shape and stability of early Regency sleeves. That's not in my plan so I won't need them at least!

http://collections.vam.ac.uk/item/O354431/petticoat-unknown/

I'll skip (making) other underwear and wear normal tights instead of stockings.

To do list for an underwear layer:

• Buy a basic suitable shift from a vendor, possibly at the next TORM that runs
• Make a set of long stays. Long ones because I'm "squishy", and need more control to achieve that silhouette.
• Buy a kit and pattern - 
• I'm looking at getting this RedThreaded kit if the postage isn't too punitive and I choose the boned variant
• If I go for corded, then maybe the Laughing Moon pattern #115 . This pattern also includes instructions for a simple chemise. I found an online class that follows the LM pattern as well. These instructions may help if I go it alone. 
• Buy fabric.
  This layer will be next to my skin, so it needs to be breathable. Going by museum pieces and the Foundations Revealed article (linked above), I will probably buy cotton instead of linen, as cotton seems to be beginning to dominate for underwear by the later Regency period.
  
  A middle class lady may well have had contacts with the owners of the burgeoning local cotton mills by blood, marriage, or friendship, so wearing cotton would have been a practical choice.

Next post, next layer! The Dress.

A Regency Outfit?

So, my first sewing project for 2020 is looking like it might be a complete Regency outfit...

It's not an era I have a particular interest in, as far as costume is concerned, but it is an era I love for fiction settings. The Discord group I am a part of has suggested going to Bath and either joining with, or meeting up with those who are formally part of the 2021 Jane Austen meet-up. So, that needs Regency appropriate attire.

Now my first thoughts for the Regency era are based on ball dresses and outfits worn during the Season - both from museum collections and in novels. They don't appeal at all. I'm neither young nor sylph-like, and I feel that I'd just feel so self-conscious in a flimsy muslin dress, let alone a White dress. My disabilities affect co-ordination, so white as a colour is deeply Out for me - I will be wearing something on it by the time I get there, if not before I leave the house. 

So, no flimsy, white muslin for me. Does that mean no Regency clothes at all?

I'm older, married, and also not rich. If I was living then, I would have no need to wear the "pretty" clothes of a debutante or other husband-hunting Society lady. What if I dress as a middle class lady, and one of middle age? Oh, and it's winter, would an older lady really have worn muslins in November? What about white? Wasn't that for young virginal women who were showing off their purity for potential husbands? I don't need that, I can "wear colours", so I shall. I don't have a lot of money, so I can see it would be reasonable to wear something less fussy than a young, and/or wealthy woman.

On "It's winter!", what about a coat, or headwear?

Oh, and underwear. Oh hell, I'll need underwear - you can't get an authentic outline without the right underwear!

So, as it's very much early days, and nothing is decided, but below are the beginnings of my thoughts, inspiration, and tentative plans.

I've fallen in love with two dresses from c1818, so I'm looking at narrowing my clothing to broadly that year. 

I've realised that my way of approaching the concept of a dress from a specific period is to create myself a rough character. That "character" is mostly a meditation on who would I have been if today was 1818? 

My "character"

As an "older woman", I can get away with have clothing items that are a few years out of date as don't feel I'd have been in the first stare of fashion). I'm giving 'her' the name/reference of Harriet or Henrietta.

So who is this person I feel I would be?

Middle class - I have never been wealthy, but having grown up solidly middle class, I feel that that is a background I feel confident in portraying. It's also more realistically achievable for me - while I couldn't afford fine silks even now, I can afford to buy decent quality fabrics if I budget sensibly.

Older - I have no desire to pretend to be younger than I am, and I am not ashamed of my real age, so I'm content to portray a woman in her 40s

Married - hopefully my other half will be coming to Bath with me, and may even be willing to dress up too. A married woman would be more likely to wear the darker and richer colours I prefer, and wouldn't be looking for a marital partner. A single woman in her 40s would have been reliant on her relatives in a way that a married woman was not, and I feel that I am pragmatic enough to have married for "job security" when I was younger. 

Comfortable - By this I am referring to her preferences in fashion. She's neither first stare of fashion nor totally out of date. She's comfortably within the range of normal for her era, without being at all obvious.

Quiet - not physically quite, but in line with the "comfortable" above, she is not overly visible or noticeable. As someone who is not always seeking the most up-to-date fashions, she's therefore less obvious and more likely to blend in with the background scenery. This fits with an older middle class lady who is not seeking to raise her station or marry off children. She has no need to be noticed, so she dresses "quietly" so as not to draw excessive amounts of attention. I'm an introvert, so I am more comfortable and confident when I am not the centre of attention, and Regency Me is going to be the same...

Neither poor nor wealthy - this is different to class, which was somewhat less easily changeable. Because my creations have to live within my real life budget, I choose not to portray someone who is vastly more wealthy than I am. I choose to portray a woman who is comfortably off, but not rolling in money. She can afford nice fabric, but she won't have multiple changes of clothing nor a vast wardrobe of clothes to pick from. She prefers to buy/make one to two good quality items and vary how they look with accessories. Her clothes will be well made and made for/fitted to her, rather than second-hand and made over ones. They aren't high fashion, because that lasts longer and she's not so wealthy as to waste money on buying new clothes before the older ones are unsuitable for wear. She has some servants, but her clothes are cut to allow her to dress herself where possible rather than being reliant on employing a dedicated ladies maid.

Creating the Costume

Subsequent posts on this topic will go through my plans for making/buying the different layers to dress u[ as this character. Before I go though, here is a great guide to the general outline of the layers: http://www.uvm.edu/~hag/regency/tips/

Who Am I? Where Do I Want to Be?

Two hard questions to answer, but ones which I need to face up to and then answer.

Who Am I?

So, who am I? 

On the surface, this is an easy question to answer - I'm me, I'm >>name<<, and so on. 

Or do I define myself by others - I'm the spouse of, the child of, the parent of, the sibling of someone...?

Or perhaps by what I do professionally. I'm a librarian, I'm a researcher, I'm a medievalist

Or by personal traits? I am a nerd, I am intense, I am focused, I am frustrating, I'm INTP

Or by ability/disability? I am autistic, I am arthritic, I am neurodivergent, I am disabled, I am dyslexic, I am a person with executive dysfunction, I'm someone with allergies/intolerances

Or by leisure activities? I am a reader, I am a music lover, I am a violist, I am a crafter, I am a sewer, I am a re-enactor, I'm a baker, I'm a cook, I'm a musician

Or by labels others have given, foisted on, or granted to me? Annoyance, Nuissance, Scarily organised (hah!), Weirdo, Wench, 

Or? You see, who am I is a lot more of a question than people think it is. And some of those things may also be hard to accept - for example, I am quite happy to say I have disabilities, but I feel very uncomfortable saying "I am disabled". Why are these two things different? What about things I love, used to do, and which I would like to do again, but yet currently don't do now. Am I still able to use those to define me?

So, given the above, why have I been spending so much time considering this whole anal naval gazing process? Put simply, because I'm a mimic, and with that I've realised I'm losing myself.

Mimicry

So what does mimicry mean in this context? Mimicry is an aspect, for me, of ASD. It means that I reflect other people's interests and ambitions, and can end up confusing their interests and desires with my own. It isn't intentional, but the more I've become aware of it, the more frustrating it's become for me. I've been using the COVID shutdown, and my own shut-in, to try to "bring myself together". One aspect of that is to force myself to figure out what I'm interested in because I love it, and what I'm into solely because someone else is (or was!). The posts I am planning on writing and releasing over the next few weeks, months, and possibly longer, are designed to focus on each of these things and to help me analyse what is ME in my likes and loves, and what should possibly be viewed more as an appreciation of another's love. 

Hopefully this will help my mental health a lot by enabling me to focus on suceeding on the ME things, and to gently put the "that's cool and interesting" things into a box in my head which is just enjoyment. I am now in my 40s, and we don't get to re-run this simulation - this life is what we get. I want to ensure that I make the most of what time I have by narrowing the focus for my skitterish brain.

Where Do I Want to Be?

As part of figuring all this out, I need to work out what are my personal ambitions. Destination is also an important part of self-definition. We can't be at a destination before we know how to get there, or even if it is possible to get there. Or do we even have a destination worked out? I want to go on holiday "abroad" compared to "I want to go to Europe" (better), "I want to go to France" (better again), or "I want to go to Toulouse"... 

We need two main things: A clear destination, and an idea of what route we would need to get there. 

To return to my holiday example: I can walk to Toulouse, or drive, go by train, or fly. Walking is impractical because of time - I wouldn't be there before I'd need to come home! Driving is a good idea, but I can't drive. I could fly, but I dislike the carbon emissions from flying, so I'd rather not, which leaves the train. OK. 

New Considerations: 

How much is a train ticket; 

Can I afford it or do I need save up; 

How long will it take to get there; 

Do I need to plan food; 

Can I carry what I need on public transport; 

What about changing / connecting trains; 

Crossing Paris or London with luggage

And all that is before one considers accommodation, booking train tickets, and what dates you are going to go! Let alone what to do when there, spending money, and so on...

So a more practical life example:

If I want to be able to consider myself a musician, then I need to... play my instrument. I need to practice, regularly. I need to consider whether I want to join a group, a symphonia, or an orchestra. Sometimes those goals need financial input, or time input to be achievable. So, using the above: 

My destination is to play in an amateur orchestra.

1. I need an instrument - this might involve researching costs, value for money, and saving up. What practice can I do before I get an instrument? Are there hire-purchase schemes through local shops, could I get a cheap-and-nasty while I save up? Perhaps I can work on bow posture, or sight reading, while I save.
2. I need to practice. Regularly. This will have to become a habit. I can't just play pretty tunes, I need to do theory, and scales, and other boring stuff too.
3. I need to put myself out there. Perhaps find a teacher
4. I then need to start looking for groups I can join. They won't come to me, I need to go find them, and ask to join. And then go!

Life is full of sequences like this. I can also look at those steps and say, actually, I just like playing tunes at home, and I have an instrument already. So I need to just play occasionally for fun or relaxation, and that's fine. Perhaps while I'd love to join an orchestra, I can't commit the time, or I can't physically undertake that amount of playing every week. That's OK. I can do as much as I want, how I want instead. And yes, I can still call myself a musician if I want!

Sometimes this process will be painful. Painful? Yes, because sometimes our self image isn't realistic and we discover we're not who we thought we were. Our self-definitions were inaccurate. And sometimes they're painful because we realise we can't do what we want, how we want, because of life limitations. I might want to up sticks and move to another country, but I won't get a visa, I don't have a desired occupation, or I have a partner who doesn't have the same dream. Sometimes compromise is necessary, but part of this process for me is going to be analysing where I'm open to compromise, and where I'm not. 

Returning once again to my holiday example:

I want to go to France, my partner wants to go to Germany. I want to see the Lascaux caves in Padirac, so I'm not willing to compromise on France. Or maybe I want nice dinners and a river, so I'm happy to look at Germany too. What about travel? I'm ambivalent over how we go, but carbon consumption is important to them, or they suffer from claustrophobia, so we choose to go by train. Life is about compromises, and learning what we can and can't compromise on. I'm intentionally not saying "willing to compromise", because I might be not be able to compromise on an aspect no matter how willing I am. I also want to emphasise to myself that this exercise is about trying to find where I can give, and where it's important to me that I don't, so while I might not want to compromise, I might need to in order to prioritise something else. 

Essential

Need

Desire

Would like

Nice to have

Prefer to have

Prefer not to have

Rather not

No

Definitely not

Absolutely not

Never

Life thoughts -- Rough Schedule

This is a rough schedule of the posts I am currently plannign to write, am writing, or have already written (posted or scheduled).

On Saturday I will be publishing the first in this Life Thoughts series, which will be on two big questions: "Who am I?", and, "Where do I want to be?", designed to help me focus my energies, spoons, and life goals more realistically. Not answering those questions, but explaining them as a framework for the rest of the series.

ASD in my life, in particular around specific impairments and/or adjustments I've made

• Executive dysfunction -- in progress.
• Being assessed, how to "de-mask", how to find an assessor, how the process was for me
• Co-morbidities

Academia

• Research goals - things I want to research myself
• Research interests - things I want to learn or understand, but am content just reading others' research
• vIMC commentary
• Study vs Appreciate, which subjects / areas go under which category
• Series on research progress
• Being AltAc

Crafting

• History-bounding -- in progress
• My periods
• Crafts for me
• Sewing plans
• Dream projects
• A series on project progress, including pre
• Gatherings - British Guild of Historical Costumers and other groups

Health & Personal bits

• Family, Infertility, IVF, and so on
• Mental health and ASD
• Disabled vs Impaired vs Having a disability
• Living arrangements
• Work/self/academic balancing

I plan to work on these as the whim takes me, but should anyone be reading this and want me to prioritise something in particular, do ask...

Start of the rest of my life

Long time no write. I've drafted a few posts, but not actually released them. As part of a general life overhaul thing, I'm going to stop that. Yes, one long-arse post will remain in draft for a fair while as fixing the code is an arse, but in general I need to get into the habit of just writing something each month at least. Will it always be "on brand"? Nope, but new habits only form if we do the thing!

So, what's up? With the pandemic, I've had the time to stop and think. I've been thinking a lot on two particular questions: "Who Am I?" and then "Where do I want to be?"

To this end, my plan for today is to start drafting a number of posts on various subjects investigating these questions, and then to schedule them for posting. I may need to go back and tidy some later, but the schedules will be set up well in advance. I will also need to decide how frequently to release them - too close and it's all a bit much, too far apart and it'll take a year to cover just my thoughts from this week! I'm thinking a theme a month, and then splitting them up into smaller posts maybe up to one a week. We shall see!

I'm also planning on having a weekly or monthly check-in post where I keep myself accountable (to me) on what I've achieved this week/month. Might be work stuff, crafty projects, some research, a new skill, house fixing, health progress, or more formal academics. Doesn't matter. The point is to get in the habit of saying "I did a thing!".

Inspiration Porn

So-called "inspiration porn" seems to be a fraught subject that can make a number of my friends very unhappy. For some it's Children in Need, for others it's those posters with bright slogans, and for others it's the social media videos that go viral because they have a disabled person doing something "ordinary" (or someone treating a disabled person as "normal"). I find my feelings towards the genre to be mixed. Some times they really rile me up, others are "meh". And yet there are also others that do help. So, what gives? I was musing on this today while at work, and decided to write out my thoughts.

Who is it for?

I think the first aspect of Inspiration Porn which has the potential to be problematic is the question: Who is it created for?"

Is it aimed at "normal" people or the in-community? 

So many of the Inspiration Porn videos (in particular) that I see which annoy the ever living fuck out of me are the ones which have a subtext. They say "See, you can do it - I mean THEY can, so why the fuck can't you, eh?". These pieces are othering. They see the world as "normal" and "disabled", and we are there to provide inspiration for them. These works seem to inspire a lot of <3s, cutesy comments, and talks about our "bravery", but not a lot else. My reaction to them, however, is either mostly at the comment threads, or directed at the commentary or annotations.

The people who seem to be allegedly inspired by these videos are the type to mostly elicit little more than an eye roll from me - they mean well, but they just can't see beyond platitudes and our disabilities. 

But not only Normals can be inspired. For me, seeing or reading about someone like me who has achieved something I didn't think was possible, or that I could do, DOES still inspire me. 

Why was it made?

This question is directly related to the last, but comes from a slightly different angle. As is so often said - intention matters! The difference here is not whether it's aimed at "normal people", but what is they expectation on seeing it. 

If it's intentionally created or promoted to elicit that "aww, so BRAVE!!" reaction, then it can do one. 

Was it produced to teach? It can be easier for us to forget when we look at poor treatment today, just how bad the general attitude towards the disabled was. Yes, it can be utterly shit, and sometimes downright horrifying, but for all that, we as a society have made progress. We have a long way still to go, for sure, but our trajectory is no longer at the beginning. Inspiration Porn can be useful in showing the non-bigot that the non-verbal can think, that not all Deaf are stupid, and that those with physical disabilities or in chairs can still love and participate in dance. Those people are our parents, potential partners, relatives, and friends. They need to know that we can, because when they don't believe in us, believing in ourselves becomes that much harder.

What about if it was for the in-community? Was it made for us to demonstrate to ourselves what we can achieve, so that we're holding our a metaphorical hand to others like us to encourage them to follow. One person's Inspiration Porn may be for another that spur that provides them with the impetus to achieve their dreams.

How can something decried as Inspiration Porn be "important"?

What? Yes!

Inspiration Porn has two aspects which can make it important to us. Yes, even the most saccharine and demeaning Inspiration Porn can be useful if we get control of it.

What is porn after all, but something that varies depending on the eye of the beholder. Not all conventional porn is carefully crafted, or even intentional, and the same can be said for Inspiration Porn. 

So, is it Inspiration Porn? 

A short documentary about conjoined twins who are teachers?
A cartoon about a person with clinical depression celebrating the small achievements?
A short story about how a person with a disability achieved their dream despite being told said disability would stop them?
How about an article about how the mother of a non-verbal autistic learned to presume competence?

What do you feel? For me it boils down to two questions:

1. Does it tell society "We can!"
2. Does it tell us "You can!"

I feel that if the answer to either is Yes, then that which I am dismissing as Inspiration Porn, is just Not for Me, in the same way that horror novels or Fifty Shades of Grey are Not for Me. They're doing the job for someone else, and that's fine, but like 50 Shade, they may need to get some further information to get a more rounded view.

What about a poster with a trite phrase on it?

Even that is in the eye of the beholder! If it's the thing I see on the day I need to see it, then sod off, it's Inspiration not Inspiration Porn. Being trite isn't automatically Inspiration Porn, it's often just crap that is intended to help. Badly... :P

In short, it's down to purpose and gaze, just like traditional pornography.

• Is it there to titillate and make the viewer feel good about themselves?
• Is it being shared to make the sharer feel good / not guilty about themselves?
• Is it there without the knowledge / understanding of the person being shown? (Compare some human child Inspiration Porn subjects with feel-good videos of animals) Consent is vital not only in sexual interactions!
• Is it there for You to look at Us, with the subtext of being glad not to be me?

That's Inspiration Porn. 

Pause for Breath

Taking a breather this month because work is very busy and I need to focus on that...

Splitting themes

I'm currently trying to think of a way to split themes within this blog. I have no desire to update multiple locations to discuss different things which interest me. This is a short post where I am listing the themes which I can see myself covering, and then subdivisions within that. It's not necessarily stuff I do already, but also things I have intended to write, or to think about.

• Self
• Things about my life, health, and that sort of stuff
• Anything I want to abstractly grumble about
• Medieval miscellany
• Research and thoughts
• Class / Seminar notes (general)
• Paternosters
• Death
• Testaments
• Material culture and trade in gems / beads
• Books, literacy, and reading
• Non-research interests
• PrePetrine Russia
• A.P. Chekhov
• Cleanliness and dirtiness in the high to late middle ages
• Medieval food - mostly eating thereof!
• Medievalisms and recreation
• Aristocratic households
• Marches and borders
• Languages & idiolects
• Conference reports
• Attendee reports
• Papers given by me
• Plans
• ASD / Aspie stuff
• Slightly different from "self" in that it is about the state of being Aspie rather than about my life
• Research comments
• "Doing X while Aspie" - comments on how it is to do mundane or common things while having an ASD/Asperger's diagnosis.
• Perseverations (mine)
• Trains
• Games
• Trees
• Costume & Sewing
• Hawks and Corvids
• Librarian / Books
• Information access
• How people get hold of (accurate) information
• How people find and use information
• What I am reading currently (sourced via Goodreads probably)
• LMS / LSP thoughts (me as Systems Librarian)
• Data, Metadata, and Indexing
• Tech
• New technology I'm using (hardware)
• Technology I'm using (software)
• Technology wishlists

Having a Laparoscopy Operation

OK, so I briefly touched on this earlier but I thought I'd write it out to try and think it through.

I was due to go in for a minor operation on the 14 December but due to winter pressures on the NHS the Trust decided to cancel all non-urgent operations to make more bed spaces in the Surgical Short Stay areas. I was caught up in that and mine was one of the ones cancelled.

Thoughts from that:

• I don't cope well with unexpected changes. I only found out shortly before I was due to head in and had a panic attack trying to figure out what I should do now about work. Luckily my boss is a good person who calmed me down, told me to have that day sick and to take the next as TOIL, and then come in as normal on the Monday.
• Winter pressure is to be expected. It sucks, but I'd prefer little old ladies who have fallen to have their hips put back together again, thanks very much! What isn't really acceptable is to allow departments to schedule surgery when you (Trust) expect to send out a cancel-all-operations order. Just don't book the damn operations, so we don't take unneeded leave, and the bed spaces are there. You can always ring someone up like you did in January to give them as "last minute cancellation" if you find out you have the capacity!
• The NHS needs better funding and to lost Hunt of the Rhyming Slang. And most of the leading MPs of the current day.

So... fast-forward to a few weeks later, and I was wondering what was happening about my operation re-scheduling. I spent a week or so ringing on and off to try to get hold of someone in the department I needed to find out what I should do, if anything. One Wednesday afternoon I was chatting to Mum as I walked in the door after work and decided to have a go then. To my surprise I got through, and gave over my hospital number etc.

"Can you come in tomorrow?"
"Err." *flustered* "I would have to check with work but I think so."
"Well we'd have to book it now, if you can't then..."
"No, no, I think I can. I'll check now and ring back if I can't but I'm sure I can." *panicking now*
"OK, that's great. Can you come in at 12:30 please?"
"Yes, no problem. Is it the same as on the previous instructions re food/drink?"
We clarified that, yes, I could have BLACK tea, and some toast before 07:30, and then nothing except water from then until 10am, when it went to nil.
"See you tomorrow."

One panicky phone call to my boss later, and I was packing my bag of things to take with me. Then rang TGO at work to let him know and also to persuade him that taking the day off work was pointless - I wasn't exactly going to be around and I figured I'd be unlikely to get home before 6 anyway. Various other phone calls to my older sister to sort out nephew collection duties as usually they come to us after school on a Thursday while she does marking etc.

There were then two more phone calls from the hospital:
1.
"I'm really sorry, I forgot to ask you before. Is there any chance you might be pregnant? You know we can't do the operation if there is any chance."
"Definitely no chance."
"That's great, see you tomorrow."
2.
"Have you had a pre-op?"
"A pre-op? What's that? I don't know."
Explained what the pre-op was
"No, I don't think so. I wasn't scheduled for one last time either though."
"Hmm, well we'd better do one just in case. Can you come in a bit earlier?"
"No problem. When were you thinking?"
"About 12ish would be fine"
"OK"

Early night and early up so I could finish breakfast before 07:30. As an aside, black tea is tolerable but I REALLY wouldn't choose it! Just before 08:00 the phone rang, with the withheld number again like the other calls from the hospital, so I panicked that they were cancelling.
"We do need to do a pre-operation and we can't go ahead without it..."
"I can come in now!" *panic* "I'm only around the corner in [local area]"
"Oh!" *relief-sounding voice* "Great! How soon can you get here? Can you get here for 08:30?"
"Um, yeah, OK, no problem"
"See you soon"

So panic stations! I'd walked about so Mum had been nearby able to hear when I was on the call. She'd just run a bath so I was pushed at it, Dad was summoned and told to ring a taxi now (road works between home and hospital meant she couldn't drop me AND get to the class she was teaching for 9am). Speed wash in the bath, grabbed some clothes, put things mentioned on the letter (pills, types of clothes, pads) in a bag, shoved in some books with a charger, tablet, and phone. Had some cash shoved at me by Dad and was bundled into a cab. Husband at this point is oblivious as he'd been dropped off at the station just before the hospital rang.

Got to the hospital without any problems, and went into the Surgical Short Stay Unit (SSSU) to find out where I was supposed to go for the pre-op. Pre-Op is in the bowels of the hospital, so I got down there in plenty of time. As there was almost no one else there I went almost straight in.
Pre-Op was:

• MRSA swab of nose
• MRSA swab of groin
• Height and weight
• Blood pressure
• "Do you have any allergies or intolerances?", version 1
• Confirmation of data, part 1

All done by 09:00. I wasn't sure what to do next, so I ambled back towards the SSSU catching Pokémon. I debated walking down to Tesco nearby to get the gym there, but was worried about whether I was expected to stay on site so I didn't. Hung around in the SSSU registration area for a while until someone spotted me. Explained why I was there and that I wasn't sure what to do now, but that I didn't really want to go home and come back - could I sit in the Day Room? Nurse toddled off and came back to say they could admit me now and I could just park up on my bed and read if I liked or have a nap. So I did!

I read Ashes of Honor, some more of Games Creatures Play, and then a good chunk of The King Must Die, plus I got caught up on Facebook and Twitter (well as much as one can say caught up with either of those). I would have played Pokémon but I was tantalisingly just out of reach of the nearest stop and low on balls.

The rest of the time I had a number of visits from various people including nurses, the surgeon, and the anaesthetist, all who asked me for my allergies/intolerances, date of birth, and address. I know why they do it (so they know they have the right patient with the right notes), but it's both boring and exasperating after a while. At about 16:30 I was given my oh-so-sexy support stockings and put into the gown to be wheeled down. As I was moving from one bed area to another we took all my stuff with me to go into a locker while I was in surgery.

I came around about 6ish I think, and sat up. Lady next to me had had "growths" removed and was very groggy, but I didn't feel too bad so I stayed sitting up all the way back to the Unit. They found some endometrium where it shouldn't be, and removed it. Hopefully things will be a little better now... I had to drink a ton of water once I was in recovery because they won't let you out until you pee. My bladder was happy to take about 2 pints before it would go, so I was stuck there until about 8pm.

Other slightly random thoughts:

• My anaesthetist was great and had a funky moustache. He agreed to gas me until I was under enough to not know there was a needle nearby. Good man!
• I have a slow release bladder - I was still able to pee at nearly 16:30 before I was wheeled down, despite having drunk nothing since I was admitted at 09:30... Bodies are weird!
• Gas is much nicer than injections but I was burping it for 2 days afterwards and it tastes BAD!
• Recovery is both fast and slow - healing was very quick and clean, but I am still pretty tired 2 weeks later. It also occasionally twinges. I'm told this is because healing starts at the skin and works inwards, so while the holes are closed up now, the insides are still stab wounded.

2017 - Life shenanigans

I haven't yet posted this year because I'm mostly thinking and not really DOING and I got attacked by that mean thing called Life... :)

Bad:
Politics
Operation scheduled for mid-December got cancelled shortly beforehand which messed with my Aspie

Middle:
I asked to see the local ASD specialists because I had some questions and because I had lost my diagnosis letter in the moved down here (I needed it for course reasons). I've ended up with a reassessment in February and I'm terrified they're going to take away my diagnosis. Illogical? Maybe. Real to me though.

Good:
Ended up with a last minute re-scheduling of my op just over a week ago. As in, Phone call at 15:50 to be in the following lunch time, and then altered at 07:30am to "how soon can you get in?"... More on that later.
Starting medication to hopefully kick my personal Plan A into action at last. 10 years in the planning on that one. No indications because I don't want to jinx anything!


Random:
I'm trying to work out what I want to do here, as in on this blog. I like the writing process because it's quite cathartic and no one else reads it! I'm half thinking of making it into streams and using two (or more) profiles to separate the different types if writing.

• Medieval research notes
• Life stuff - me, aspie,
• Librarian / book things

Hmm, not sure.