Books and That, #1 (September 2022)

Things I've Read Recently

I have three magazines currently on subscription, plus a load of back issues from all three PLUS Mermaids Monthly, which ran for a year in 2020/21. Uncanny Magazine and Apex Magazine I back each year through Kickstarter at the subscription level, and my Dad bought me a sub for BBC History about 15 years ago for Christmas and never seems to have cancelled it, to my joy. Uncanny and Apex are both SF & Fantasy short story journals, and BBC History is a non-fiction semi-academic serial - the articles are usually written by academics, but with a popular history focus and style.

• Uncanny Magazine, 48
• Apex Magazine, 133
  
• BBC History Magazine, September 2022

Books - any format

• Spin / Robert Charles Wilson
• September bookgroup book.
  Interesting, and enjoyable. I liked the characters and enjoyed the story, I'm just not sure that I am desperate to read the remaining books in the series. This one ended on a perfectly satisfactory note, and I'm content waving characters off into their Brave New Future without having to see it...
• The Starless Sea / Erin Morgenstern
• This has the same feel as her earlier book, The Night Circus. For me, both of these were books that kept me intrigued and therefore kept me reading. Because her books are very twisty, I find that I can't just leave them because there is no way for me to figure out exactly where she is going with all her characters. She is a master of feeding you just enough information to keep the story interesting and moving, without signposting where she's going all the time. 
• The Witness for the Dead / Katherine Addison
• I adored the Goblin Emperor, and I've realised that I love books about new worlds and with heavy world creation in them. The story in The Goblin Emperor was cleanly finished, so I was worried about how this was going to be a series without screwing around with characters. This works, however, because she's moving different characters to the forefront of the story, ones who were important and about whom we felt had More To Know. One of The Goblin Emperor's strengths was the way in which characters were introduced, and that it was clear that they had their own story, but that the author didn't distract us from the actual story by running off after them.
  This, to me, is a great way of dealing with that - each important but non-action central character gains their own book later. It reminds me of the way in which academic research could send you off down fascinating rabbit holes. They wouldn't fit properly into your thesis, but by turning them into articles or conference papers allowed you to follow your thread to it's natural stopping point without damaging the storyline of your thesis work.
  Like The Goblin Emperor, this is a gentle book, even when there are scenes of action, fear and/or danger, I always felt a certain sense of confort while reading them. I'm looking forward to picking up the next book from the Library in October - it's waiting for me now!
• A Master of Djinn / P. Djèlí Clark
• I was initially both pleased and disappointed to see the synopsis of this novel. I'd loved all the short stories the author had already written in this world, but I had a preference for the protagonist of The Haunting of Tram Car 015. However Fatma, the protagonist of the novel and others of the prequel shorts, won me over fairly quickly and I enjoyed her leading role. Other characters we met previously also make cameo (or more meaty) roles, which was pleasant. I love this semi-steampunk alternate historical Cairo setting, especially as I was getting exceedingly bored of yet another novel set in the US.
• Who Fears Death / Nnedi Okorafor
• This is again a welcome change of setting for me. It was a hard book, but one I enjoyed. I feel that having aphantasia made it less traumatic to read for me than for many others, so I would counsel anyone with a history of SA to be at least aware of the themes before reading. Did I like the end? No, but also yes. This book took me a long time to read, but unintentionally. I had just started reading it as my commuting book when lockdown happened, and I lost my "enforced reading time", which I'm only just starting to reclaim. Every time I managed to sit down with it, I was disappointed to stop, but then it would be months before I got another chunk of it done. So, on holiday this year I chose one day to just read so I could sit down to finish it all at once. It was worth the effort.

I currently have about 8 books on the go, plus another dozen out from the library (either print, ebook, or audio), so for the rest of this year my plan is to try to whittle those down as much as possible. 

One thing I've given myself, is 15-45 minutes every night to read something - chapter of a book, a short story, an article, doesn't matter. I started when I came back from a conference in Wales earlier this month, and it was lovely. By setting myself small targets, I think I can cheese my brain out of "but I never have the time"... 

Things Suggested to Me

Things I haven't read as of yet, but intend to track down.

1. The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills (Amazon link)

Habits, Rituals & Routines, Part 1

I am neurodiverse. 

I have confirmed, diagnosed, profound ASD. It has also been suggested that I may have some ADHD traits (which may explain other things about my presentation, but that's a musing for later).

I have lots of habits. 

Or so I thought. I have rituals and routines. If I don't follow these in the correct order, each time, then it all falls apart. 

Sometimes "falling apart" is displayed as "Screws up the whole day" - e.g. this is my normal routine fora day when I am immediately leaving the house.

1. Alarm
2. Sit up
3. Faff time - check phone, play game, do Duolingo morning practice
4. Get out of bed
5. Make tea and breakfast
6. Drink tea and eat breakfast at PC, take pills, and read emails
7. Ablutions
1. Shower
2. Deodorant
3. Brush teeth
4. Brush hair
8. Figure out clothes
9. Dress
10. Check bag(s)
11. Shoes
12. Coat
13. "Recitation"
14. Leave house

Scenario

I woke up late and didn't have time for breakfast and/or showering. I now have forgotten my medications - all of them - and don't know when to have lunch or dinner. 

Coping & Variations

I have coped partially with these by creating alternate routines - so I can't drop the faff time at the beginning, because that's literally part of waking up for me.

If I know I will have problems because of an early start, I also buy eat-as-I-travel breakfast, although drink-tea isn't movable. Not having that one means forgetting pills, which is a bigger problem.

Ablutions. I've learned that I can swap Shower with Wash-at-Sink, which saves hair and drying time. I still have to ensure that the rest is done in order, or I will forget one or more of them. Yes, I have left the house and then realised I forgot to brush may hair. It's a thing.

Choosing clothes has always been an issue. I really miss school and uniforms - at least the most you had to figure out was what version of navy skirt / knitwear was clean!

I only check bags in the morning, because I always try wherever possible to pack things the night before. Why? Because that was what I was told as a child, and it stuck. Plus it works! I find packing things I need to remember to take with me BEFORE I go to bed helps a) reduce anxiety in the morning and b) gives a much better chance of me remembering unusual-thing! My mother was wise here! So, end result is that I check that I put x into my bag, which is calming to see, but I don't have to run around and find it while I'm in the Getting Ready Routine.

I then move into the, again non-negotiable, putting on of shoes and coat. I can adjust what footwear I choose, and when being given a list, I may do things like:

• Put on ballet flats
• Put DM boots in bag with spare socks
• Take boots separately

I do this workaround a lot when at my parents', so there I try to always put the bag my boots go in on top of them the night before, and I keep the same thick outer socks for the week - I don't care if they smell when I'm walking home!

Figuring out weather conditions, and whether to wear a heavy coat, rain coat, light hoodie, or even just a cardigan is still a big issue for me that I need to work around a bit better. Maybe I should invest in a pack-a-mac to keep in my bag, so that I only have to consider warmth levels? I hate the texture of them though, which puts me off. Something to think on!

Other People

Other people in the household can also make or break my routines. If I have to wake up A to get my lift, then that can really get in the way of my routine, as I have to figure out where in MY routine to add "Start A on their routine" for things to go smoothly.

On the positive side of this, my wonderful spouse really helps me. If I wake up late, and they know I'm panicking (or likely to be panicking), I may find that tea and breakfast appear in front of me so that I can merge "Faff time" with "Breakfast", and then go straight into getting my body ready for departure. This has proved invaluable a number of times!

ASD and Habits

 Just a short one today on habits, losing habits, and ND living.

I've recently been talking to a counsellor who specialises in working with those with neurodivergences, like me. One thing she has drawn my attention to recently is the fact that many neurodivergent brains struggle to/cannot form habits. We can form repetitions which can appear to others on the outside AS habits, but they are different from neurotypical habits. If we get knocked out of our habits, then we have to consciously begin again at the start in forming them - apparently neurotypicals can just "pick up where they left off". That floored me, and has helped in readdressing how I feel about myself.

I'll put up something longer another day on routines vs habits, but the short which is relevant here is that when I lost a "habit" due to my routine altering, I felt bad. Not bad, stupid, idiotic, incompetent... and more importantly, I didn't have the available brain cycles to re-add the lost habit. Whatever external (or internal) thing happened which caused me to "lose" the habit, was also often impeding my ability to re-establish non-vital things into me new routine. And I feel useless about that. I can be so accommodating with others when "life gets in the way", but not with myself.

Writing on here got lost in that. I tried to force myself into a habit of writing at least once a month Or Else (internal pressure here!). What happened was that I felt trapped, and then when changes due to (I think) going on holiday got in the way, I just felt so incompetent that I made it into a self-fulfilling prophecy - "I'm too incompetent to do this thing regularly - see!". So, what has changed? Not a lot, if I'm honest. Do I think I'll manage to update regularly from now on? Maaaaaaaaybe, but probably not! What has changed is that if I write something here, it's a Good Thing. If I don't, then it's NOT a Bad Thing, it's just A Thing. Will I feel guilty? Gods yes, I don't think I can retrain my brain that much just yet!!

So where now? I'm going to draft up a couple of things that are in my brain, and then we shall see. Maybe more in the way of general life updates. Maybe more ASD/ND stuff that's been percolating around for a while. Maybe more costuming stuff as and when - possibly less of that because I really don't have any self-confidence around this area still so sharing stuff feels far more raw and exposing, plus the group I was associated with I currently feel as welcome as a fart in a lift (which might be just me overthinking, but I need(ed) space to process). Hmm, that might also be something I write - "On Processing". I am fairly sure I'm talking into the void on here, but if so, I might also put some more professional-related stuff on too. I have an idea gestating about alt-ac, and how to NOT approach libraries as an alt-ac profession...

In the event that the void wants to read any of those, or even something related I've not suggested, do say as I can think on that too...

Current in-draft-unwritten-thoughts:

• Faith and ASD - my perspective
• Current costuming project (a rant one will probably be a quickie upcoming), probably with some ND related content
• My habits and routines - where they are fixed, and where I currently have found workarounds
• Reflective writing and ASD - what I find hard about this
• Counselling - what I've learned
• How Not to Alt-Ac
• Differences (for me) between professional conferences and academic ones
• How having an ND boss has caused me to rethink things about professional-me
• General life babble - I may try to make that a monthly thing, with "proper" posts written more ad-hoc.
• Things I've Read Recently - more of a "here's a link" thing than book/article reviews
• Article reviews - to help with Reflective Writing issues, then summaries of articles every once in a while might be good for me.

Of all the above, I don't plan for any to be regular or soon, except possibly the life babble. Maybe doing that "light" writing will help me write one or more "proper" posts too? Who knows!